Angel Killer
by Kicon
Summary: In a world ravaged by a war of biblical proportions, where monsters run rampant and demons are thought to be good, Sam and Dean Winchester travel the country hunting monsters and searching for the angel that killed their mother. But their lives get turned upside down when they're assigned to kill the angel Castiel. Alternate Universe. Updates daily
1. don't bless me father for i have sinned

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**1. don't bless me father for i have sinned**

_Would you like to hear a story?_

_I've got a good one in mind. It's my favorite story. I hope you like it._

_This story takes place a very long time ago, in a world where monsters ran rampant and demons were thought to be good. It was a time of war, of deceit, of danger, and secrets._

_Hunters protected the people from monsters and angels, and the best hunters were Sam and Dean Winchester._

.

"Sammy, c'mon! I don't have all day!" Dean growled as he struggled to hold the ghoul off of him.

"Here, sorry, the other two gave me some trouble," Sam said as he came into the room.

"_Sam!_" Dean snapped, throwing the ghoul off of himself and rolling away.

"Right," Sam said, then fixed his eyes on the ghoul. She got up on her hands and knees and started to scrabble towards Dean again, but Sam snapped his fingers and her head exploded.

Dean took a breath and sat up, leaning his head against the dusty dresser he was next to. He glared at his little brother, who grinned cheekily back.

"Took you long enough," Dean grumbled as he took the hand that Sam extended toward him.

"Sorry," Sam replied. "Told you, the other two - "

"Gave you some trouble, yeah," Dean finished. "Well I had some trouble with the other _four_ in here!"

"I thought you said you had it covered?" Sam teased.

"Yeah, that was before I won the Daily Double with the other two hiding in the closet."

"Come on, let's get back," Sam said, clapping his brother on the back. "With this paycheck we might have enough money saved to buy you a pie."

Dean licked his lips. "Well then, why aren't we already on the road?"

.

_In this world people weren't trained as hunters until the age of eighteen, when they were old enough to make the choice and live the life of kill or be killed. But in the case of the Winchester boys, they'd been hunters their entire lives._

_Their mother, Mary Winchester, was killed by an angel when Dean was four and Sam was only a baby. Their father, a former hunter himself, raised them as hunters. He turned them into his weapons for revenge, his personal soldiers in his war against Heaven, and it had resulted in the best hunters the world had ever seen._

_The younger brother, Sam, was one of Azazel's Children - those who drank demon blood daily to fuel their psychic powers._

_Dean was the older brother, and with a Superman complex and a boundless thirst for the blood of angels he'd earned himself the name Angel Killer._

_._

"We're a couple hours out from the apartment," Dean said as they walked toward the car. "Do you wanna huff it home or hit a motel?"

Sam didn't answer. He was listening to a voicemail. He frowned and hit the end button.

"What's up?" Dean asked.

"Alastair wants to see us ASAP," he said, sliding his phone back into his pocket.

"Guess we're huffing it," Dean said. "Why does he want to see us?"

"Didn't say."

.

_The war between angels and demons was in its ninety-ninth year now, and every day it looked like the Lucifer and his demons were going to win as the war approached its climax._

_But then something very simple yet very important happened._

_._

"A new assignment already?" Dean asked, raising his eyebrows. "We just killed six ghouls a couple hours ago."

Their boss, a demon named Alastair, one of the higher-ups in Lucifer's army, smiled and ran his tongue along the bottom edge of his top teeth. "And we appreciate you for that. But if you're tired of hunting, I can always get you started on the torturing track, Angel Killer."

Dean frowned. He didn't care for the nickname, even though it certainly fit him. And he also didn't care for Alastair's continuing insistence that he become a torturer.

"No. Just give us the assignment," he said.

Alastair shrugged. "If you wish." He smiled. "You're going to like this one."

"Oh yeah?" Dean said, folding his arms.

"It's an angel."

The blood in Dean's veins went cold and Sam straightened up.

.

_This is a story about right versus wrong. Good versus evil. Duty versus justice. It's a story about family, about brothers, about fathers and mothers and sons and daughters. It's about men and angels and demons. It's about sacrifice. It's about war. It's about an angel who was afraid to fall and a man who was afraid to fly and how they somehow met in the middle. But most of all, it's a love story._

_Some call it the greatest love story ever told._

.

"Its name is Castiel," Alastair told them.

"Angel of Solitude," Dean said.

"Think you can handle him?"

Dean turned to Sam, whose face had gone stony. Sam nodded wordlessly. He knew just as well as Dean: each angel they were assigned could very well be the one that had killed their mother.

"He'll be toast before he knows what hit him," Dean replied.

Alastair smiled again. "Wonderful."

.

_Now, how to begin..._

_Once upon a time?_

_Cliché._

_Two hunters and an angel walk into an empty barn?_

_No, that sounds like the beginning of a bad joke._

_In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth?_

_Oops, wrong story._

_Oh, how about we just get on with it?_

_Next chapter._

* * *

So I've got a new story! I'm actually really excited about this one and _very_ excited that it's my first really long multi-chap fic since _Burnt and Broken _(which was actually my first SPN fic). I am really proud of this fic and I hope you guys like it as much as I do =)

I'd like to just say off the bat that I am non-religious, so if I offend anyone in this story with any unintended blasphemy or something I'm very sorry and that was not my intention. I did intend to tear apart the way God and angels are usually seen, though I don't think I did this any more than is usual in the canon universe

Updates every Monday and Thursday!

Please review along the way and tell me what you think!

~Ki

About Castiel:  
- I know that in the SPN universe he is the Angel of Thursday, but I read somewhere that his character in SPN was inspired by the angel Cassiel and according to an angel website I found that lists all the angels and their dominions (see next bullet), Cassiel is the Angel of Solitude. So in this story Cas is the Angel of Solitude (this will come up later in the story and you'll see how well it fits)  
- The website that lists all the angels is ( archangels-and-angels dot com ). Just click the link "Archangels" and then the link under "Angels - General - A Growing List"

About the chapter titles:  
- All chapter titles are going to be lyrics from songs by the band The Pretty Reckless, who I listened to during the entirety of writing this fic. I do not own these lyrics


	2. jesus and rock and roll

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**2. jesus and rock and roll couldn't save my immoral soul**

Dean parked the Impala under the awning and cracked his knuckles after he turned the car off. Sam got out of the car and wearily fumbled with the key as he unlocked the door to their apartment. The sound of the news filtered out through the door and Sam turned to Dean.

"Dad's home," he said, a tight look on his face.

Dean shrugged. "Whatever. Let's just get some sleep, do the tracking spell, then hunt this son of a bitch down."

They walked into the apartment and closed the door behind them. Their dad, John Winchester, wasn't home very much. It was code that hunters always had a partner but ever since Mary died, John was a solo hunter. Unlike Sam and Dean, who were certified and hunted for the demon generals, John did his own thing. He traveled the country in search of angels and killed monsters if he couldn't find any featherheads. As it was, he wasn't home very much.

The only person who hated angels more than Dean was John. But nobody had killed more than him.

"Hey Dad," Sam said, approaching the tiny living room where John sat on the couch watching the news. "Killed six ghouls today."

John made a noncommittal noise of acknowledgment. Dean rolled his eyes in disgust and went down the hall to the bathroom to scrub his face.

The once great John Winchester was nothing more than a sad old drunk who'd raised his sons with the same amount of affection as a drill sergeant. When Dean said he was scared of the monsters under his bed John gave him a shotgun and said the monsters were out in the real world but the worst ones were in your head. When Sammy asked where Mommy was John said she died saving him so he'd better not waste what she gave him. Father of the year, he was.

Sam was more lenient on him than Dean was. He was always saying that John did the best he could after losing Mary.

_The best he could_ - Dean hated that saying. Because more often than not your best wasn't good enough. Especially in the eyes of John Winchester.

"Got a new assignment tonight, too," Sam continued earnestly. "It's another angel."

Dean heard the news turn off. The man didn't care about his kids, about the warriors he'd raised. Only angels. Only ever angels.

"The name?" John asked.

"Castiel," Sam said. "Angel of Solitude, Dean said. He's part of the resistance."

"You'll ask him?" John asked. "When you get him, you'll ask who killed her?"

"Yeah, of course we will," Sam replied. "We always do."

There was a beat of silence and Dean turned the faucet on to try to hide the fact that he was listening in.

"So what have you been up to?" Sam asked. "Found any leads on who it was?"

"If I did, do you think I would be sitting here talking to you?"

"No, no, of course not, sorry, I - right," Sam stammered.

Dean dragged the cold water over his face and resisted the urge to go out there and sucker punch his dad. But that would upset Sammy, and Sammy was more important than Dean's grudge against their deadbeat father. Sammy was _most_ important.

"Well, we're heading out in the morning," Sam said. "We'll see you later."

There was a pause and then the news turned back on.

"Right. Okay. See you," Sam mumbled, then came down the hall.

Dean turned the faucet off and rubbed his face with a towel. He stood up and saw Sam standing in the door. Sam's face was cloudy, his eyes on the floor. Dean wished, not for the first time, that Sam didn't have this life. Sam should have been raised by a mother with hugs and kisses, not by a father with salt and guns.

"Did you drink your demon blood today?" he asked, instead of saying, "Sorry Dad's a dick like he always is."

Sam shook his head. "No, I forgot."

"Well we can't have you getting soft," Dean replied, reaching out and grabbing Sam's shoulder firmly. "Drink some blood and get some sleep."

He tried not to think about how weird that sentence was as he moved past Sam and out into the hall, making his way to his room.

"And cut your hair!" Dean called over his shoulder.

He heard Sam laugh and smiled to himself, feeling triumphant. As long as he could get Sammy to laugh, things weren't too bad.

SPNSPNSPN

The tracking spell revealed that the angel was in Kansas.

"Fucking Kansas," Dean grumbled as he pulled on to the highway. "Why is it always fucking Kansas?"

"Come on, Dean, at least we don't have to go to Lawrence," Sam said.

Lawrence. Where the burned remnants of the frame of their childhood home still stood, the place where their mother was killed and Sam had almost died. Yeah, it was a good thing they didn't have to go to Lawrence.

A few hours later they were parking in the dirt outside of some dirty old barn.

"Doesn't this feel a bit odd, Dean?" Sam asked, eyeing the barn. "I mean, most angels hide out in city basements under our noses when they're on earth. What's this one doing in a barn in the middle of nowhere?"

"I don't know, Sammy," Dean said, loading his gun full of angel bullets. "Maybe this one's just stupid. Or he got kicked out of the fluffy clouds. Why he's there doesn't matter. What matters is bagging him, taking him to Alastair, and getting a nice big fat paycheck."

Sam sighed as he grabbed his guns. "I still don't like it."

"Yeah, well I don't like it either," Dean snapped. "I like sex and pie and massages and I'd like for you to shut up and get this job over with."

"You're in a bad mood today," Sam muttered.

Dean deflated. "I'm sorry. Seeing Dad yesterday must've set me off."

"Dean, it's okay, I know how you get," Sam said. "Let's just get this over with, okay? Then we go home."

Dean nodded and slammed the Impala's trunk closed. "Why does Alastair want this one alive, anyway?"

Sam shrugged. "Interrogation, I guess. Maybe he's high up in the resistance. He could have information that could help us end this war."

"Wouldn't that be a miracle," Dean muttered. He gave Sam a wry grin. "But I guess that's what angels specialize in, huh?"

"That's what they say."

Dean patted Sam's back and then started moving toward the barn. They didn't really have a plan; they did their best work when they improvised. Dean had killed over a hundred angels in his lifetime. What could make this one any different?

His blood hummed with anticipation as they approached the barn. He couldn't wait to add another notch on his belt of angels he'd killed. The best part was seeing the wings burned into the ground. He didn't even know if angels really had wings, the lore didn't say. (The lore had pretty much zilch on angels, actually.) But something happened when they died and for whatever reason there were always scorches in the shape of wings on the ground after they died. He wondered if this one would die screaming like some of the others. He wondered how big the wing burns would be.

They pushed the barn doors open with rusty screeches of protest and saw a dark-haired man in a dirty trench coat standing in the middle of it. Just...standing there.

The Angel of Solitude was standing by himself in a barn in the middle of nowhere. Dean thought it was funny.

"Sam and Dean Winchester," came a surprisingly low, gravelly voice. "I expected you much earlier than this."

"Yeah, well, sorry to keep you waiting, sweetheart," Dean growled as the angel turned around.

Instead of taking hosts and vessels like the old stories say, angels simply manifest into human-like forms when they were on earth. Something magical happened and they got bodies, which was good because seeing an angel in its true form could burn your eyes out at best. Dean had come across angels that looked like frail old ladies, five year old boys, and there was one that had manifested as some middle-aged guy with a pot belly and a bearded double chin.

But this angel had manifested as a man in his late twenties with lightly tanned skin and really nice bone structure. His dark hair was messy and stood out from his head, like he hadn't brushed it after getting out of the shower. And his eyes were _blue_ - so blue that Dean could tell what color they were from several yards away. He wore a suit and an ugly trench coat, which kind of made him look frumpy, but the expression on the angel's face made Dean swallow reflexively. This angel radiated intensity, like a storm encased in a body.

Bottom line, he was drop dead gorgeous and ridiculously hot.

Too bad he was evil.

Dean fired his gun but Castiel deflected it with his angel blade.

"Quick one, aren't you?" Dean asked with a grin.

"Yes, but it appears you're out of time," Castiel replied, slipping his blade back up his sleeve.

"What - "

But then there was the telltale sound of angels arriving, several of them: the flap of invisible wings but no movement of air. Suddenly they were surrounded by seven more angels. Sam backed up into Dean until they were back to back.

"Well now it's a party!" Dean exclaimed, but inside he was panicking. Angels never traveled in packs. They were always on their own. This was a set-up.

"Dean," Sam said testily. "What now?"

"I'm working on it," Dean ground out, but really they were sunk.

"A party indeed," said a creepy bald guy. "And you're the guests of honor." He smiled at them and then turned to the other angels. "Take them."

"Let's at least go down swinging, Sammy," Dean said, but inside he felt like absolute shit. He and Sam had gotten lucky in some tough scrapes before, but none like this. He didn't even think Sam's psychic powers were going to help them much now.

He and Sam were going to die, and they were going to die pathetically, ambushed by eight angels, but he guessed that's what they got for killing so many of them. He always figured he'd go out fighting an angel, but this wasn't what he wanted for Sam. He wanted Sam to live a long life. But now they were going to die, and there was nothing Dean could do to save Sam, and they'd never find out what angel killed their mother.

All thanks to the Angel of Solitude, who apparently had friends. Who'd a thunk.

So Dean raised his gun and pointed it at Castiel, who was still staring unblinkingly at him as the other angels charged the brothers.

"This is your fault, you evil motherfucker," he growled, then fired and fired and fired, but someone hit him over the head and his vision went black before he could see if his bullets hit their target.

SPNSPNSPN

"Oh, wait, I think they're waking up," said a strange voice.

Dean struggled to open his eyes and for a second hoped he was in Heaven so he could beat some more feathery asses, but the raging headache that was pounding behind his skull let him know he was still alive.

His sight finally cleared up and he saw that he was tied to a chair in some dark room. Sammy was coming to in the chair beside him.

"Sammy, Sammy!" Dean barked, unbelievably relieved that his little brother was still alive. "Oh, thank god."

"You wouldn't want to do that, now would you?" said deep voice.

Dean faced forward and saw three angels standing in front of him. One was the creepy bald white guy from before. Another was a scary lady in a pantsuit and the other was a black guy with a grim smile.

"Thank God?" the voice elaborated. It was the black angel speaking. "Since you are a faithless piece of filth, _Angel Killer._"

Dean gritted his teeth. "You're right. I don't want to thank God," he said. "I want to spit in his face."

The angel growled deep in his throat and started to step forward, but the creepy angel put an arm out.

"Now, now, Uriel," he said. "Don't want to be upsetting our special guests."

"Of course, Zachariah," Uriel replied.

"Uriel," Dean said. "Angel of the Abyss. And Zachariah, Angel of Remembrance." He turned to the pantsuit lady. "And who the hell are you?"

"Naomi," she replied stiffly.

"Ah," he said. "Angel of Bitterness. Quite the bunch we've got here, Sammy."

"Dean, for once in your life would you just shut up," Sam said wearily.

"You'd do best to listen to your brother, Angel Killer," Naomi said.

"Well if I'm going to shut up, I'm gonna need something to fill the silence so I don't go crazy," Dean said. "So how about you tell us where we are and what we're doing here."

Zachariah bowed his head. "Of course. Welcome to the Men of Letters bunker. This is our headquarters, you could say. This is where all the hunters that work with us live and where you will live from now on until the end of the war."

"The resistance," Sam said, eyes wide. "You mean we found the resistance?"

"I wouldn't say _found_ seeing as we came to you and brought you here," Uriel said. "But yes, we're what you call the resistance."

"In fact, you're talking to its leaders," Naomi added. "Aside from the archangels Michael and Raphael, of course. But you already knew about them."

"You bastards," Dean growled.

Naomi raised her eyebrows at him. "What was that about shutting up?"

Dean glared at her.

"Why have you brought us here?" Sam asked.

"Well that's quite simple," Zachariah said. "You're going to help us win the war."

"Not over our dead bodies," Sam snapped.

Uriel growled at Sam. "You shut your filthy mouth, blood junkie."

"Don't talk to my brother like that!" Dean yelled. "And why would we ever - _ever_ - want to help you win the war?"

"Because we're the good guys, Dean," Naomi said. "The demons have poisoned all of your minds. They don't want peace, they want to rule. Lucifer cares about nothing but himself and his petty grudge."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Even if what you're saying was true, we'd never help you because we know the truth. You're evil. You kill. You annihilate whole cities for no reason, I've seen it happen." He strained against his restraints and met Naomi's grey eyes and put all his hate into his stare. "And one of you bastards killed our mother."

"Actually," said a voice from behind the angels, "that last part's not true."

Dean inhaled sharply.

A woman with silvery blonde hair stepped out in front of them and stared at them. She wore a tan leather jacket and loose jeans and she had two scars just above her right eyebrow. Her face was hardened from war the way many hunters' faces were. And she was older - over twenty years older - than she'd been when the picture in Dean's wallet had been taken, but it was still her. There was no mistaking it.

"_Mom?_" Sam breathed.

* * *

Whenever an angel's dominion is stated in the story I'll post an explanation about it like such -

_Uriel_: According to the angel website

_Zachariah_: The meaning of the name Zachariah is "Jehovah has remembered"

_Naomi_: Naomi in the Bible is known for her bitterness

Please review and thank you for reading!

~Ki


	3. the children are doing fine

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**3. the children are doing fine, i think about them all the time **

"May I have a moment with my sons?" Mary asked, turning her head to the side.

"Of course," Zachariah said. He turned and left the small room. Uriel followed, but Naomi broke the restraints on Dean and Sam with a flick of her wrist before walking out.

Dean gripped the arms of the chair he was in so hard he felt like his fingers might break. Sam rose slowly out of his chair. Mary stared at them and tears welled in her eyes.

"You've grown so big," she whispered. "My boys."

"No, no, this...this has got to be some kind of a trick," Dean said angrily, his voice shaking. "This is a joke. This, this..."

"It's not, Dean," she said, smiling softly at him. "It's not."

"I...I saw you," Dean said, his voice choking up as the tears blurred his vision. "You burned up, you - "

"I did burn, yes," Mary said, stripping off her leather jacket. She rolled up the sleeve of her shirt and exposed the pink, puckered burn scars wrapping around her arm. "But I didn't perish."

"But, but - "

"Mom?" Sam said again, standing now, towering over her. Dean was suddenly reminded that Sam was only six months old when Mary had "died." Sam didn't have any memories of her like Dean did. This was the first time he'd really seen her, other than in pictures.

Mary looked at him and pressed her fingers to her mouth. "My baby," she whispered. "I tried so hard to save you."

Sam swooped down and hugged her hard. She wrapped her arms around him and patted his back as he cried heaving sobs.

"I don't understand," Dean said testily. "Why - how - ?"

"What the angels said is the truth," she replied as she rubbed Sam's back soothingly. "The demons are the evil ones, not the angels. I learned the truth around the time of Sam's birth. I couldn't tell anyone, however, not even your father. I was invited to join the resistance as a hunter, to be bonded to one of the angels and fight. But I couldn't leave you boys. At least, not until Azazel came for Sam."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked warily, pulling away from her. "Does this have something to do with my powers?"

Mary put her hand on the side of his face and wiped at his tears with her thumb. "The angels told me that Azazel was creating an army of special children. He would feed them his blood on the night of their six month birthday and eventually they'd grow up to have powerful psychic abilities. I didn't believe it until the night he came for you."

"What happened, Mom?" Dean asked.

She sighed and clasped her hands in front of her. "I tried to stop him. Azazel. I interrupted him, but he overpowered me. He wounded me, pinned me to the ceiling, and set me on fire." She looked at Sam sadly. "You were crying so loudly, and he just laughed as he dripped his blood into your mouth."

Sam shuddered and Dean closed his eyes.

"That's when your father came in. He grabbed Sam and ran, handed him off to you, Dean. Then he tried coming back in but Azazel had locked the door to the nursery," she continued. "I would have died, if Ezekiel hadn't saved me."

"The Angel of Strength," Dean said.

Mary nodded. "He rescued me and brought me here. He healed me and saved my life. One of the demons must've told your father that an angel had killed me."

"But why didn't you come back to us?" Sam asked.

"I tried," Mary said. "I did. I didn't just abandon you. But by the time I healed I'd already been declared dead and I had a debt to the angels. I had to repay them for saving my life. I had planned on returning after my debt was settled, but then the years kept passing and it felt like too much time and I wasn't sure how - "

Mary stopped at the cold look in Dean's eyes.

"We needed you," Dean said, pursing his lips. "Do you know how we were raised? Do you?"

Mary nodded and bit her lip, her eyes filled with sadness. "I've heard. You've garnered quite the reputation."

"We were raised as warriors, as _weapons_, all because Dad couldn't deal with your death," Dean said. "When Sammy cried because he was scared of the dark Dad gave him a knife instead of a nightlight," Dean spat. "When I said I wanted to be a firefighter when I grew up Dad smacked me upside the head and said I'd be a hunter and I'd like it. Our birthday presents, if he even remembered, were guns and lessons on how to kill the things that go bump in the night."

Mary closed her eyes and hung her head. Dean rose up out of his chair.

"We were shit on our _entire lives_ because he couldn't handle being without you," he continued. "But, no, I understand," he said sarcastically. "You didn't come back because you didn't know how, because it would've been weird after so long, because it would've been hard."

He got down into her face, bent over slightly.

"You know what was hard?" he asked quietly, his voice low. "Growing up without a mother. _That_ was hard."

"Dean!" Sam exclaimed, mortified. "Don't - "

"No, he's right," Mary said, raising her head as Dean stood up and stepped back. "You're right and I'm sorry. I missed out on you growing up and I will regret that for the rest of my life, and you can resent me for the rest of yours if you want. That's your choice. But all we can do now is move forward."

"And how do you suggest we do that?" he asked, folding his arms.

Mary slid her jacket back on to cover the burn scars. "By ending this war."

"Easier said than done," Dean replied.

"We have a plan," Mary said.

"Then do please enlighten us."

Mary's eyes flashed. "I know you're mad at me, and you have every right to be, but you had better speak to me with some respect," she snapped. "I am still your mother whether you like it or not and I will _not_ be spoken to that way."

Dean clammed up immediately and Sam had to stifle a snigger. Mary had drawn herself up to her full height, which wasn't all that much compared to Dean, but she gave off waves of power and authority, and for the first time he caught a glimpse of the person she'd been all these years: a warrior, a survivor. Not a mother.

"Yes ma'am," he mumbled.

"Right then," she said. "Naomi? Zachariah? Uriel?" she called.

Naomi came back in. "Yes, Mary?"

"Explain the plan, if you please," Mary said.

"Of course." Naomi turned to Dean, a sickly sweet smile on her face. "You, Dean Winchester, are the Righteous Man, the Michael Sword. You are pivotal to ending this war."

"Keep up the compliments, sweetheart," he said with a grin, sitting back down in his chair.

"_Dean_," Mary hissed.

Naomi ignored him. "Our plan is to bond you with the archangel Michael."

"The Angel of Chaos," Dean said, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes. When the two of you are bonded it will strengthen him enough so that he will surely win the final battle against Lucifer."

"Bonded?" Dean repeated. "Sounds kinky." He waggled his eyebrows.

Sam groaned and Naomi stared at Mary with a dumbfounded expression. Mary raised her arms half-heartedly, as if saying, "Don't look at me, I didn't raise him."

"You said something about the angels wanting you to be bonded," Dean said, turning to Mary. "Are you?"

"Yes," she said. "To the angel Ezekiel."

"The one who saved you."

"Yes. It's taboo for angel-hunter pairs to meet before the bonding ritual, but he was the one I was most compatible with."

Dean hummed under his breath. "What exactly is this bonding thing?"

"A ritual will be performed in which you will consent to give half of your soul to Michael. Your strength will become his strength and you will be bonded for the rest of your life," she said. "With your cooperation, we could end this war that's been raging for decades. End the suffering, push back the demon hordes, bring peace to the world. Don't you want that?"

"Of course I want that," Dean snapped. "But there are a few problems. One, I still don't trust you bastards. I'm pretty sure you're all full of shit, good guys or not. Two, this whole bonding thing sounds pretty fishy to me. I like my soul nice and whole, thank you very much. Three, I don't really feel like being bound to the fucking _Angel of Chaos._ And four...well, four's pretty much just my delightfully stubborn attitude." He smiled.

"So you refuse?" Naomi asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Yep," Dean said, popping the "p" at the end of the word. "Find some other guy."

"There _is_ no other guy," Naomi replied angrily. "As I said, _you_ are the Righteous Man, _you_ are the Michael Sword. You're the only one who could survive bonding with Michael."

"Well then that sucks for you guys, doesn't it?" Dean said. "You said with my cooperation, right? My consent? So I gather you can't do this without a big ol' "Yes" from me, am I right?"

Naomi clenched her jaw. "Unfortunately."

"Then it looks like you're going to have to come up with a different plan," Dean said. He leaned back in his chair and grinned, putting his leg over his knee and his hands behind his head.

Naomi smiled coldly. "You say that now, but you'll change your mind."

"Highly doubt that."

"We'll see," she simpered. "Until then, I'll get you both set up with rooms. You can explore the bunker if you want, meet the other hunters. If you want to go into town you'll have to put in a request and wait for an escort." She paused and smiled at Dean. "Except you. You have to stay inside the bunker at all times. In fact, it's probably best if I assign you a guard."

Dean glowered at her. She smiled and drummed her fingers on her chin.

"Oh, I know!" she exclaimed. "I'll assign Castiel to you, how would that be? The angel that you were sent to kill has now become your jailer. The Angel of Solitude is now your constant companion." She laughed. "Ironic, isn't it, Angel Killer?"

"Incredibly so," he growled.

"Castiel!" she called.

There was the telltale sound of wings and then Castiel - ugly trench coat and all - was standing in front of him, intense gaze focused on Dean. Dean stared back angrily.

"Yes, Naomi?" he asked.

"You've been reassigned," she said. "You're now Dean Winchester's guard. He's not allowed outside of the bunker, period. Keep both eyes on him at all times. Do not leave his side. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Naomi," Castiel replied, eyes never leaving Dean's.

Naomi smiled. "Good."

* * *

_Ezekiel_: The name Ezekiel means "God strengthens" (And Ezekiel in this story really is Ezekiel)

_Michael_: According to the angel website


	4. i'll try to remember all the advice

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**4. i'll try to remember all the advice that my good book told me **

"Mary, take Dean to the library to meet the others," Naomi said. "I'll take care of Sam."

"Yes, Naomi," Mary said, then took Dean by the elbow and led him out of the dungeon-like room. Castiel followed like an annoying shadow with sex hair.

"Where is she taking Sammy?" Dean asked, angrily shaking off her grip. "What's happening to him?"

"They're going to detox him," she replied.

"_Detox him?_" Dean repeated.

"That's right," she said. She glanced at him. "His veins are chock full of demon blood, Dean, he's lucky he wasn't smited on the spot. The angels don't like Azazel's Children, they think they're abominations. The only reason he's still alive is because he's my son."

He wanted to bite out some snarky remark about how they weren't her sons, but he couldn't do it. "Is it going to hurt him? He's been drinking that stuff his whole life."

"Yes, it's going to hurt," she replied, a note of sadness in her voice. "It's going to hurt more than anything he's ever felt, and it might even kill him."

"Then - "

"It's _evil_, Dean," she said fiercely. "He's got evil in his bloodstream and we have to flush it out. Hasn't it ever seemed strange to you? Drinking demon blood? Haven't you ever wondered if it was actually helping him?"

Dean pursed his lips and didn't answer, but she was right. The whole demon blood thing had always bugged him, like an itch he couldn't scratch.

"But I believe in Sam," she continued. "He's grown up strong. You both have. He'll survive this. It'll be a rough few days, but he'll survive."

They came upon a pair of double doors and she swung them open, revealing an expansive library, and from the looks of it the materials were rare and ancient books on monsters and such. Sammy would've peed his pants of happiness if he'd been with them, Dean thought with a smile. In the middle of the room were a few tables with people sitting at them. Some glanced up and a couple waved at Mary.

"This is where people hang out sometimes," she said. "If you need anything, ask. Castiel should be able to help you out some."

She reached out and put her hand on the side of his face, and he leaned into her touch without meaning to. Something shifted in her eyes and she looked like she wanted to say something, but she dropped her hand from his face and just smiled.

"Castiel, keep an eye on my son," she said. "If he's anything like his father he'll be in trouble the second you drop your guard."

"Of course," Castiel replied, bowing his head.

She smiled at them and then continued down the hall they'd been walking down. Dean shrugged at Castiel, who was still staring at him, and walked into the library. There were two older ladies around his mom's age sitting at one table and a group of people closer to his age at the other. He went for that table.

"I thought I heard Zachariah say something about newbies," said a pale girl with vibrant red hair at the younger table. "Name's Charlie," she said, holding out her hand. "Charlie Bradbury."

"Dean Winchester," he said, shaking it.

"Have a seat, Dean," Charlie said.

Dean pulled a chair out next to a scruffy guy with a spiral notebook in front of him. "Thanks."

"Winchester?" asked a lady at the other table with long russet hair. For a panicked second he thought she recognized him as the Angel Killer, and identity he'd like to keep to himself at the angel resistance headquarters, but then she continued. "You're Mary's boy?"

"Technically speaking," Dean replied stiffly.

"Hey, respect your mother," said the other lady at that table. She had dark hair in a pixie cut and a firm gaze. "She did the best she could."

He flinched at the hated saying. "Don't we all," he muttered.

"Name's Jody," she said, holding her hand out. "That's Ellen." She nodded at the lady with the russet hair.

"Nice to meet you," he replied.

"Likewise," she said. "So, what's with Mr. Blue Eyes?" She jerked her thumb at Cas, who was standing directly behind Dean's chair.

"My angelic bodyguard," Dean replied with a hint of sarcasm.

"What'd you do to get stuck with him?" the blonde girl sitting across from him asked.

"I said I didn't want to be bonded to Michael and they put me with Cas here until I change my mind," he said.

"_You're_ the Michael Sword?" Charlie asked, eyes wide and jaw dropped.

Dean shifted. He didn't like Michael Sword much better than Angel Killer, and that was saying something. "That's what they said, yeah. What of it?"

"Oh, nothing, just that the fate of our world rests in your hands," said the scruffy guy next to him. "No big deal."

"Yeah, well I didn't ask for this," Dean grumbled.

The guy dragged his hands over his scruffy cheeks. "None of us did, my friend. None of us did."

Dean swallowed as an air of awkwardness descended. "So, are all of you bonded?"

"God no," Charlie said, wrinkling her nose. "Most of us aren't, actually. Compatibility issues and such. They keep me around because I'm the only one who can work the technology here. You'd think after millennia upon millennia of watching over humanity that angels would've figured out how to work a computer."

"It was not of import at the time," said Castiel suddenly, surprising everyone into silence. "We do not save information that is not pertinent to us."

"It speaks," said Charlie amusedly.

Castiel didn't respond, causing Charlie to grin even wider.

"What about you?" Dean asked, turning to the scruffy guy.

"Oh hell no," he groaned. "I get enough angel shit running through my head every day without giving one half my soul too." He glanced up at Cas. "No offense."

Castiel didn't acknowledge him and Chuck shook his head as if exasperated.

"Chuck here is our resident Prophet of the Lord," said the blonde girl.

"You're a _prophet?_" Dean said in amazement. "The Prophet _Chuck?_"

"Cursed to write the Winchester Gospel," Chuck said with a weary smile that showed no joy.

"_The Winchester Gospel?_" he thundered.

Chuck nodded and patted the notebook in front of him. "I know a _lot_ about you, my friend."

Everybody laughed at Dean's dumbfounded expression.

The blonde girl leaned forward over the table. "I'm one of the bonded. Name's Jo."

"The angel Jo?" Dean said, pushing his eyebrows together. He hadn't heard of that one.

She laughed. "No, that's my name. My angel is Balthazar."

"Oh, the Angel of Wine," Dean said.

She grinned. "That's my boy."

"I'm bonded to Sophia," Jody said.

"Angel of Wisdom."

Jody nodded. "You sure seem to know your angels."

Dean looked down. "Well, I spent my entire life thinking that one killed my mother. When I finally got the chance to gank the son of a bitch that did, I wanted to know which one it was." Silence filled the library and he could feel Castiel prickling from behind him. He looked up and grinned, but he knew it didn't reach his eyes. "But it seems I was mistaken."

"That's about it for us here," Jody said briskly. "There's a trio of youngsters who've - "

"Wait, youngsters?" Dean interrupted. "They're bonding _kids_ to angels?"

Jody nodded. "That's right."

"That's _wrong_," Dean said, bile rising in his throat. He looked at everyone. "Come on, you can't be serious? That's sick!"

"The kids gave consent," Jo said quietly. "It was their choice."

"You'd know," said Ellen stiffly. She got up and left the library without another word.

Jo sighed. "That's my mom. She's still not happy that I got bonded to Balthazar."

"She didn't want you to?" Dean asked.

Jo nodded. "She told me not to, but I did it anyway. It's my life."

"You should listen to your mother," he said firmly.

She glared at him. "I could say the same to you."

"Sweetheart, until about ten minutes ago I thought my mother was dead," he said in a low voice. "So appreciate what you've got."

Jo flinched and everybody looked away. He was frustrated with himself - this really wasn't the best way to make friends - but he had to make his point. This whole operation was smelling fishy to him. Bonding _kids_ to _angels?_ Their consent meant nothing. They were kids, they didn't know what they wanted.

Someone burst into the library.

"Hey, I heard there were two new - "

The girl who'd run in stopped dead in her tracks, eyes fixed on Dean.

" - bies," she finished.

Dean stared at her in shock. "_Lisa?_" he exclaimed.

Charlie frowned. "You two know each other?"

"I'd say so," Dean drawled. "She's my ex-girlfriend."

* * *

_Balthazar_: The definition of Balthazar is "a very large wine bottle"

_Sophia_: The name Sophia means "wisdom" in Greek and Gnostics worship a figure named Sophia as a goddess of wisdom


	5. jamming jesus down my throat

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**5. jamming jesus down my throat no i don't wanna be saved **

"So you're the Michael Sword," Lisa said, still staring at him in disbelief.

Dean nodded grouchily. "That's what I've been told. I don't get why it's such a big deal."

"Don't get - " She took a deep breath and sighed, folding her hands together and putting them on the table in front of her.

After everyone had realized that they'd found themselves in the middle of what was going to be the most awkward reunion ever, they'd cleared out of the library in a second flat. Everyone except Cas, of course. He remained faithfully behind Dean's chair.

"Dean, you...you could end all of this," she said fiercely, dark bangs falling into her face. "The danger, the fear - _everything_. And you don't understand why it's a _big deal?_"

He shifted. "So how did you get wrapped up into this, anyway?"

"Last year a couple demons wanted my son to start hunter training early, kinda like you and Sam," she replied, eyes flashing angrily. "I refused and they tried to kill me. The angels saved us. I'm doing this for my son, so he can have a future, so he can live his life in a world _not_ tainted by war."

"You have a _son?_" he said.

She nodded. "Ben. He's eight."

"Eight," Dean repeated, gears turning in his head. "But we were - "

She laughed. "Don't worry, he's not yours."

"I wasn't wor - "

"You were worried," she said with a grin.

He glared. "I was _mildly concerned_ that I might've had an eight year old son that I knew nothing about."

"Right."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Does he live here?"

"Yeah, room next to mine," she replied. "He gets a little bored every now and then, misses school of all things, but it's the safest place for him."

He nodded slowly. "So, what's the deal? Are you bonded?"

"Yeah, I am. To Anael."

"Angel of Marriage."

She nodded.

"What's it like?" he asked. "The whole...being bonded thing. They want me to bond to Michael, but..." He trailed off.

"I was skeptical about it at first, too," she admitted. "Splitting my soul in half seemed like a bad idea. I mean, haven't these angels ever read _Harry Potter_?"

Dean laughed appreciatively. "That Charlie girl says they don't even know how to work computers, so I doubt they have."

"Yeah, well, it's not so bad," Lisa said. "We're not technically allowed to talk about it, but..."

She glanced up at Castiel, who had no reaction.

"It's uh, it's kinda like being chained to a comet. It was really disorienting at first. And I can feel her, always." Lisa put a hand on her chest. "If she's in trouble or scared or happy I can feel all of that, and she can feel the same from me." She smiled.

"It's hard, though, don't get me wrong," Lisa continued. "We're not really allowed to spend much time with each other, so they're hardly ever here. Even the unbonded ones don't show up much since hunters and the angels they're going to be bonded to aren't supposed to know each other beforehand."

She looked at Castiel and Dean suddenly understood why the others had been so curious about his new personal angel stalker.

"And when they are here, they're always doing official business stuff, so we never get more than a hello in. Jo takes it the hardest," she said softly. "She's really close to Balthazar. I think they purposefully keep him away from her more than usual because of that."

Dean thought back to Jo's radiant smile when she mentioned Balthazar. She did seem awfully fond of the angel.

"Anyway, I got lucky with Anna," she continued. "She's one of the nicer angels. She actually _likes_ humanity."

She looked up at Castiel again, but he didn't seem to take offense.

"Anael is a good angel," Castiel said simply.

"_Anna_ says you and her are close," Lisa said to him. "She talks about you a lot."

Something in Castiel's blue eyes changed but Dean couldn't tell what. He said nothing more, and Lisa sighed, looking back at Dean.

"I feel bad for Josephine, though," she continued. "She got bonded to Azrael. He's okay - "

"Josephine?" he repeated. "Is she one of the youngsters Jody mentioned? Bonded to the Angel of _Death?!_"

Lisa nodded.

"That's...that's - "

"She did what she had to do to fight for a better future, Dean, unlike _some_ people," Lisa said testily, glaring at him. He cringed. "She made her choice, just like her friends Krissy and Aiden did, and she's happy with it. She's said so. She gets a little grumpy sometimes when she can feel Azrael in a mood, but she doesn't regret it. And neither do I."

Dean stared at his lap. "Sorry. I didn't mean - I just - This whole bonding angels to kids thing really bothers me." He fiddled with his thumbs and looked up at her. "You wouldn't let Ben get bonded, would you?"

"That would be his decision to make," she said slowly. "He's not old enough right now, anyway, but that's part of the reason why I'm fighting: so he doesn't have to."

Dean nodded slowly as he became more and more conflicted over this whole thing.

"Being bonded isn't without its risks," Lisa continued. "Even with the compatibility tests, there's still a chance the hunter might not survive the process. And then, afterwards, you have to go into battle with your angel every time you're needed. Which isn't that big a deal, I mean we're hunters and that's what we do, but..." She swallowed. "When you're bonded, if you die, then the bond is simply broken. But if your angel dies, then you die too."

Dean stared at her and wondered if she spent every waking moment thinking that it might be her last, that Anael might bite the dust without warning and Lisa would go down too without a chance to say goodbye to her son.

"Is Sam here too?" she asked, changing the subject.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, but he's getting detoxed of demon blood right now."

She cringed. "Rough. At least they're detoxing him, though. Azazel's Kids usually just get smited on sight."

"Yeah that's what my mom said," Dean muttered.

Lisa smiled. "So how did _that_ reunion go?"

Dean shook his head irritably. "Sammy cried like a baby. And I should be happy. I should be bouncing off the walls, but - "

"But you're bitter," she finished. At his incredulous look, she laughed. "I know you, Dean Winchester. _Biblically_," she teased.

He chuckled and Castiel scoffed from behind him at the most likely blasphemous reference of the Bible.

"Yeah, I guess I'm just pissed," Dean said. "I have a right to be, don't I? I mean, she's been pretending to be dead for over twenty years and, well, you heard the stories of my dad."

"I know, I know, but she hasn't had it easy either, Dean," Lisa said. "She's done the best she can with the hand she was dealt."

"That Jody lady said the same thing," Dean grumbled. He wished people would stop saying that.

Lisa laughed. "That's because it's true!" She leaned forward. "Wanna know a secret?"

He raised his eyebrows.

"Your mom's a total badass."

He started laughing.

"I'm serious!" she exclaimed, sitting up again. "She's bonded to Ezekiel, who's the strongest angel around aside from the archangels. And she runs this whole place, second in command under those three asshole angels."

She looked nervously at Castiel. Dean looked up too, and for a second he thought he saw a look of amusement on the angel's face.

"Listen, Dean," she said. "Give your mom a chance. And think about the Michael plan. Don't just write it off."

Dean looked away from her.

"Just think about it," she insisted. "You could be the one to save us all."

"That's a lot of weight on one guy's shoulders," Dean muttered.

Lisa got up from the table and reached out, squeezing his shoulder. "But I know you can handle it." She smiled and then frowned in concern. "Listen, I know with your past that this must be really difficult for you. I mean, you've spent your whole life - "

"I know what I've spent my life doing," Dean interrupted.

"Sorry." She sighed. "I won't say anything, you know."

"Thanks." It was a nice gesture, but he got the feeling everyone knew. He was just grateful they hadn't brought it up.

"Hey." She tapped the table and he looked up and met her eyes. "It's never too late to change."

He looked away again. "I'm not sure if I can believe that."

SPNSPNSPN

It had started as just an aching, a dull thudding behind his skull and a craving in his gut. This was fine, Sam thought. He could deal with this.

But that was the first day, before the pins and needles appeared in his veins.

When the angels had brought him to this room and strapped him down to the table, he insisted that it wasn't necessary. He said that he'd be fine, they didn't need to tie him up. But he'd never been through demon blood withdrawal, since he'd been drinking the stuff daily since before his first birthday.

He didn't know what it'd be like.

His whole body was on fire and freezing at the same time, and all he wanted - all he _needed_ - was a swig of blood. Just a sip. He could feel his powers slipping away, his psychic focus blurring and disappearing with every passing second. He pulled against the restraints on his arms and legs, trying to move, trying to scratch the itch. His whole _body_ itched, like there were tiny bugs running around just under his skin. Time drifted away from him. He couldn't tell if he'd been there for a minute, an hour, or a day.

"_LET ME OUT OF HERE!_" he shouted, smacking his head down on the metal table he was lying on. Pain shot out from the point of impact, but it was nothing compared to the pain that was wracking his entire body. "_DEAN! MOM! LET ME GO!_"

His skin was crawling and he felt like knives were carving intricate designs over his body. He couldn't control his movements anymore and he writhed spasmodically, jerking against the restraints. His teeth ground together and his eyes felt like they were popping out of his head.

"_JUST KILL ME! KILL ME ALREADY!_" he screeched.

He tried getting free again, jerking at the restraints, trying with all his might, but to no avail. He slammed his head down again and heard a faint cracking before his world went oh so blissfully dark.

* * *

_Anael_: According to the angel website

_Azrael_: According to the angel website


	6. pull the wool nice and tight

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**6. pull the wool nice and tight so that it covers your eyes**

Dean stretched and yawned. He might hate it here in the Men of Letters bunker, but at least they had comfy mattresses. And good water pressure. He got up and threw on some clothes - he'd have to do laundry soon - and left his room. Castiel, his heavenly protector and jailer, stood across the hall from Dean's bedroom door. Castiel stared at him, permanent stony expression still in place like it had been last night.

"Dude, do you ever smile?" he asked.

Castiel kept staring and Dean sighed.

The first night in the bunker, when Dean had decided to retire for the night, Castiel led him to his room and said Sam would be next door once he finished his detox, which nobody seemed to know when that would be. But then Castiel had tried following him _in_ to the room.

_"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Dean said, holding his hands up as he stood in his doorway. Castiel was standing so close that Dean's hands were almost pressed against the angel's chest and he'd suddenly realized that he'd never touched an angel in any way that wasn't violent._

_Castiel tilted his head to the side._

_"Listen, I know you gotta follow me everywhere and shit, but we gotta have some boundaries," Dean said. "First, could you give me a little space? I mean, you don't have to stand an inch away from me at all times."_

_After a pause, Castiel nodded._

_"And with bathroom time, you can stand outside the stall or whatever. I like my bathroom time and I like it in peace," Dean said._

_Again Castiel nodded._

_"And no entering my room."_

_Castiel frowned._

_Dean stepped aside to gesture. "Look, no windows. No way for me to escape. I need private time. You can stand out here, okay? If I leave, you'll be there and you can follow me again. Sound fair?"_

_Castiel glared at him but nodded. The next morning (after a fitful sleep filled with awful nightmares about Sam's detox) Dean had left his room to find Castiel in the exact same position he'd left him in and Dean sighed, thinking that this was going to really suck._

"Lovely weather we're having," Dean said dryly as they walked to the kitchen.

"It's raining," Castiel replied.

Dean looked over at him in surprise. They'd worked out that Castiel could walk beside Dean instead of behind him, making it less creepy, but the angel chose to say stuff at the weirdest times and it really caught Dean off guard sometimes. He guessed being the Angel of Solitude didn't give you very good social skills.

"Well I wouldn't know," Dean said. "There aren't any windows in this place."

"There are windows in the garage," Castiel said.

_Garage._

"Baby," Dean said, stopping cold. "My car! Did you guys get my car? Is she still sitting out by that barn? You gotta tell me!"

Castiel frowned. "I cannot permit you to go to the garage."

"Can you check for me, then? I swear, I'll never ask anything of you again," Dean said. "Please. She's a black '67 Impala. I'll stay right here. I won't move a centimeter."

Castiel stared at him for a moment and then disappeared. He reappeared a second later.

"There is a car matching your description in the garage," he said.

Dean let out a breath. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten about his Baby. "Thanks, man."

Castiel didn't say anything and Dean sighed. Silence again, then. He realized that was the longest conversation they'd ever had, and then he shrugged and started walking again.

When they got to the kitchen Ellen was making pancakes for everyone, so Dean piled his plate high with them along with bacon and sausage and eggs.

"You're the best, Ellen," he said enthusiastically as he left the kitchen.

"Just keep buttering me up, boy, I'm getting to be almost fond of you," she replied with a crooked smile.

Dean laughed and went down the hall to the library, which functioned as a makeshift dining room since the real dining room was being used for secret angel purposes. He walked into the library, started to head towards the table where he saw Charlie sitting, and then almost dropped his plate.

"Sammy?" Dean asked, tears smarting instantly to his eyes.

Sam rose from where he was sitting to the blonde girl Dean knew as Jess and his face broke into a smile. Sam looked ragged. His eyes looked sunken and his hair was a mess. But he was Sam and he was alive.

Dean shoved his plate at Castiel and ran at his brother, who met him halfway. They collided into each other and Dean wrapped his arms tightly around Sam, gripping him tightly.

"Sammy, are you - did they - what - "

"It was awful," Sam said. "I wanted to die, Dean. I really did. They said I cracked my skull during the second day."

Dean pulled away and stared at him in shock but Sam was still smiling.

"But then it was over and I...I've never felt like this," Sam said, biting his lip. "I feel pure, Dean. Light. Good."

"That's...that's awesome, Sammy," Dean said, gripping Sam's shoulder.

"Hey dweebs."

They turned to see Charlie grinning at them.

"Your little reunion is making me lose my appetite," she teased. "Come sit down!"

Sam went to sit back down next to Jess and Dean turned to get his food back from Castiel, who was staring at him with a perplexed expression. Dean took his plate a little warily, not liking being stared at as if he were a science experiment gone wrong.

"This place is amazing," Sam said. "I seriously can't believe all of the lore here, and the books are in mint condition - "

"I knew you'd geek out over it," Dean said as he took a seat next to Jo.

"It's incredible!" Sam exclaimed. "Who knew something like this ever existed!"

"It belonged to the Men of Letters back in the day," Jess said.

"Men of Letters?" Sam said.

"They were a secret society who researched supernatural stuff and kept record of it," Chuck explained.

"But they were super sexist," Charlie said irritably. "Didn't let in any girls. Hence the name. It's probably why they got destroyed."

"They got destroyed cause the demons killed everyone," Jo corrected. "But the name _is_ sexist."

Charlie grinned, triumphant. An older man with a graying beard and a faded baseball cap walked over to them.

"Sam and Dean?" he asked.

"That's right," Dean said.

"Tell me, how's your old man?" he asked.

"You know our dad?" Sam asked.

"Sure do," he said. "Or did, anyway. He and I were hunting partners back before he met Mary."

"Bobby?" Dean asked, a memory tugging at his brain. "Bobby Singer?"

The old man smiled. "That's right."

"You were his best man, I...I remember seeing you in pictures," Dean said. "What happened to you?"

"Well, Ellen, Jody, and I are all old acquaintances of your Dad," Bobby replied. "We all found out about the truth a little while after your folks got married. Split from the demon scene shortly after that, been here ever since."

"Are you bonded?" Dean asked.

Bobby snorted. "Hell no. I'm here mostly cause I'm good with languages. The angels are fluent in all of 'em but they aren't around usually." His eyes flicked to Castiel. "Sorry you had to get stuck guarding this idjit," he said to the angel.

"Hey!" Dean exclaimed as everyone else at the table laughed.

"It is my assigned duty," said Castiel complacently.

Bobby laughed. "Of course it is. Well, you kids enjoy your breakfast and don't get into too much trouble on your excursion today."

"No promises, Bobby," Jo replied.

He gently patted the top of her head before walking out of the library.

"Excursion?" Dean asked.

Charlie nodded. "A bunch of us are going out to town. Stretch our legs, get some air, buy some supplies."

Dean pursed his lips. It had been days since he'd seen daylight. He only knew what time it was cause of his watch and they turned the lights off at night.

"Sounds great," he mumbled, shoving a massive bite of pancakes into his mouth.

Charlie seemed to recognize her mistake. "Oh, shit, I'm - Dean, I forgot, I - "

Dean swallowed. "No, no, it's cool. You guys should have fun."

He smiled at everyone around the table and caught Sam's sad puppy-dog eyes.

"Do you want me to stay?" Sam asked.

"Fuck no, Sammy," Dean snapped. "I'm already being babysat, I don't need you hanging around too. Go explore, make friends, then come back and tell me all about it."

"Or you could agree to the Michael plan and come with us."

"Sam - "

"I just think - "

"This is not a negotiation."

Sam deflated at the firmness in Dean's tone, also the look in his brother's eyes and the way he was clutching his fork. "Okay, fine. But I'm totally going to rub it in your face when I get back."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Bitch."

"Jerk!" Sam threw back.

Dean started to laugh and the others joined in. Dean was relieved: Sam was still laughing. Things were still good. The rest of breakfast went by in pleasant conversation and jokes and Dean found himself really liking this group of people. They finished up and everyone started to get ready for the excursion.

"Don't worry about me," Dean said cheerfully. "Cas and me are gonna have a grand old time." He patted Castiel's shoulder and everybody gave him looks of pure shock and he realized it was probably taboo or something to touch the angels. Or maybe they were shocked that the Angel Killer was being buddy buddy with an angel. Actually, he'd shocked himself. When had his skin stopped crawling at the sight of Castiel?

He withdrew his hand and looked at Castiel apprehensively, but the angel had merely tilted his head to the side and looked confused.

Angels were weird.

(And maybe not evil.)

SPNSPNSPN

"Welcome to Lebanon, Kansas," Charlie said, pulling Sam down to her height so she could put her arm over his shoulders. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

He laughed as he walked stooped over. "More like small."

She released him and he straightened up. "Yeah, but it's pretty clear of demons so we're good."

"You said Kansas?" Sam said.

"Yup!"

Sam laughed and shook his head. Dean would hate that. Kidnapped by angels and they were still in fucking Kansas.

"Do you know how far it is from here to Lawrence?" he asked suddenly.

"Four hour drive," said a different voice.

He turned to see Mary approaching. She wore a blouse and a pair of jeans and looked more like a mom than she had in the dungeon. He could see her burn scars better in the daylight and saw that they curled around her arms and across her chest. One wound around her neck. She looked like a survivor and a warrior. But she also looked like his mom.

"Half a second if you travel angel air," she added.

"Mom," he breathed, rushing forward to hug her. He hadn't seen her since before his detox.

"How are you feeling, baby?" she asked, patting his back.

"Better than ever," he replied.

"I'm so glad," she said as she released him. She put her hands on her face. "Now go with your friends."

He smiled and kissed her cheek on impulse, then went to catch up to Charlie and the others.

Mary watched him go and put a hand to her cheek, tears rising to her eyes. Her heart was beating funny, heavy and hard, as she watched her son walk away. Letting go of her boys had been the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. Her entire life all she wanted to be was a mother, but she'd traded in baby wipes and strollers for bullet wounds and angels.

For over twenty years she'd been the warrior, the obedient soldier in God's war. She liked taking care of the kids in the bunker, pretending they were her own, but at the end of the day it didn't feel right. She'd forgotten how to be a mother. But now, being reunited with her sons, that part of her had awoken again, and it felt wonderful and awful at the same time.

"Is motherhood making you soft?" Ellen teased as she walked over.

Mary laughed and wiped at her eyes. "Hell no."

Ellen grinned. "That's right. It makes you _strong_," she said, watching Jo laugh with her friends. "Stronger than ever, cause you've got something to protect."


	7. hey there father, i don't wanna bother

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**7. hey there father, i don't wanna bother you but i've got a sin to confess**

"So what do you do around here for fun?" Dean asked after everyone left, turning to face Castiel.

Castiel stared at him.

Dean sighed. "Okay, buddy, listen: I can't handle this silent statue thing. It's creeping me out. Big time. So talk to me, respond, do something other than fucking _stare_ at me."

"My apologies," Castiel said, bowing his head. "Angels do not have need of the human concept of fun. And even if we did, I have never spent much time here on earth previous to my assignment as your guard."

"Awesome," Dean said, rolling his eyes. "So you have no idea."

Castiel paused. "Yes, I suppose that is the shorter answer."

Dean laughed and walked around, finding himself in the library. He figured he should read up on some of this stuff. These Letters people might have found some tricks of the trade that even Dean didn't know.

Bobby was sitting at a table translating some ancient text. He waved when Dean walked in. Dean had just started browsing the section on fairies when Chuck walked in looking haggard and tired.

"Hey, not out on the town?" he asked.

Chuck laughed bitterly. "They don't let me out. Too much risk. Gotta protect the prophet, you know."

"That's not fair," Dean said.

"Yeah, well, at least I'm not being trailed," Chuck replied, glaring at Castiel, who stared impassively ahead of him.

"Oh, Cas and me are great pals," Dean said sarcastically, clapping his hand on Castiel's shoulder.

Chuck stared at him in amazement and Castiel just looked perplexed again. Dean coughed, remembering the probably-taboo thing, and let go of the angel.

"So how does the whole prophet thing work?" he asked.

"Oh, it's a load of fun," Chuck said with a roll of his eyes. "I get this raging headache and then I drink until I pass out, and while I'm passed out I get a vision and I write it down when I wake up."

Dean let out a low whistle. "Shit."

"Yeah," Chuck replied, collapsing into a chair. "I also get an all-access pass to the main frequency of angel radio."

"Angel radio?" Dean asked.

"It's how the angels communicate when they're not with each other," Chuck said. "Psychic stuff, basically. The main frequency is used for info to get out to all angels. Big announcements from the bosses and such. There are other channels for private conversations. I don't get access to that, thank god."

Dean shook his head. "Damn. You said something about the Winchester Gospel?" Dean asked.

Chuck nodded. "You and Sam are really important. Michael Sword and all that, you know. I mostly get visions of you two and they're more detailed than I'd like."

"Oh yeah?" Dean said, raising his eyebrows. In the back of his mind he wondered how many angels Chuck had watched him slaughter.

"You don't believe me?" Chuck asked. He laughed and tilted his head back. "Let's see...uh, you were nineteen. Rhonda Hurley made you try on - "

"Okay, okay!" Dean exclaimed as his face flamed up like a tomato. "You know your shit."

Chuck laughed, tilting his chair back. Dean glanced at the notebook on the table.

"Chuck, am I gonna say yes to Michael?" he asked quietly.

Castiel growled low in his throat and Chuck's chair landed on all fours again as he glared at Dean.

"I can't tell you anything about the future," Chuck said, his voice dark with anger. "And I'd really like it if you wouldn't ask me again. Even if I was allowed to, I wouldn't." Chuck ran a hand through his messy hair. "Knowing your future is a burden I wouldn't want to wish on anyone."

Dean stared at Chuck for a long while, trying to see any flicker of emotion in Chuck's eyes that would betray whether or not Dean would end up saying yes. But there was nothing. Only the dead, emotionless eyes of a tired man staring back at him.

"Sorry, man," Dean said finally. "I won't do it again."

Chuck grinned. "It's okay. I understand the temptation." He leaned back in the chair again. "Prophet of the Lord: shit hours, high job security, no benefits, and little to no appreciation. It's quite the gig."

Dean had no idea what to say to that, but just then Chuck groaned and put his head in his hands.

"Duty calls," he said, then grabbed his notebook and started to leave the library.

"Yeah, well don't stink up the bathroom," Dean called.

Chuck laughed. "Fuck off."

Dean grinned, then turned to Castiel, who was just giving him that perplexed look again. His grin faded and he started looking at the fairy books again.

"Dean."

He jumped a little, startled. It was the first time Castiel had ever addressed him.

"Yeah?" Dean asked.

"May I ask you a question?" Castiel looked apprehensive almost, like he was nervous about something.

Dean considered doing the "You just asked me one" joke but didn't think it would go over well and he didn't want the hassle of explaining a stupid joke to a celestial being. So instead he said,

"Yeah, sure. What's up?"

"You...care about your brother a lot," Castiel said slowly.

When he didn't continue, Dean blinked. "Was that the question?"

"Yes. _No_. Um..." Castiel sighed and Dean repressed a chuckle. He'd never seen an angel flustered before, especially not Mr. Stony Blue Eyes. "Would you give your life for your brother?"

"In a heartbeat," Dean replied.

"Why?"

"Because he's my brother," he said. "And I'd do anything for him."

Castiel pursed his lips. "It's just...it's something I've noticed humans do. They place others' priorities higher than their own. I've seen humans sacrifice themselves for each other for millions of years and I've never understood why."

"Is that the real question?" Dean asked. "Why do humans sacrifice themselves for each other?"

"Why do humans place others above themselves," Castiel clarified.

"Well, it's mostly family and close friends," Dean said. "Like Sammy. I've been taking care of him, looking out for him, making sure he doesn't get hurt for his entire life. I love the stupid kid more than anything." He shook his head and chuckled at the thought. "I'd give my life for his in an instant, no hesitation, because he's the most important thing _in_ my life."

Castiel frowned. "I still don't understand."

Dean sighed. "Don't you have anyone that you'd give your life for? Any brothers or sisters that you're close to? Like, imagine that someone's about to shoot your sibling and kill them, would you take the bullet instead?"

"That would be impractical," Castiel replied. "My brothers and sisters are prepared to give their lives for our Father's cause. If they fall, then others will pick up the mantle. We are equals and we don't put others above ourselves. It would be impractical and detrimental to our cause if we all sacrificed ourselves for each other."

"Well, I guess that's the difference between humans and angels," Dean said. "And don't worry too much about not understanding humans. If it's stupid or impractical then we're probably going to do it."

Castiel's eyes went far away and he nodded resolutely.

Dean bit his lip. "Cas, can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"Are you bonded?"

Castiel shook his head. "No, I am not."

"Do you know what the ritual is like?"

"The process of the bonding ritual is kept secret so hunters and angels don't bond on their own," Castiel replied.

Dean nodded. "Makes sense." He looked up at Castiel. "Do you _want_ to be bonded?"

"It is not a matter of desire," Castiel said. "If it is my assigned duty then I will comply."

"So whatever they tell you to do, you do?" he asked.

Castiel nodded.

"Just like that?" Dean asked, snapping his fingers.

"It is my duty," Castiel said.

Dean frowned.

Castiel tilted his head to the side. "What is it?"

"That just seems a bit off to me," Dean said. "What if they told you to kill a man? What if they told you to kill Bobby?"

"What?" Bobby asked, lifting his head from where he sat translating.

"Nothing." Dean waved him off. Bobby grumbled to himself and gathered his stuff up, leaving the library. Dean looked at Castiel expectantly. "Well?"

Castiel frowned but drew himself up to his full height. "If it was my duty, yes. I would have to."

Dean shook his head. "Haven't you ever heard that blind faith is dangerous? I mean, look at Hitler. People followed him blindly and look what happened. If you don't question stuff that feels wrong, then people are going to take advantage of that."

"Angels aren't people," Castiel said stiffly. "We do not take advantage or - "

"Yeah, maybe not, but - "

"_Dean_."

Castiel was glowering and looking incredibly uncomfortable. He grabbed Dean's wrist - his grip like iron - and dragged him out into the hall. Castiel crowded into him until Dean was pressed against a wall and Castiel was so close Dean could count the shades of blue in the angel's eyes. He tried to ignore the way his heart rate sped up, and how it wasn't due to fear.

"Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul?" Castiel asked, his voice low.

Dean swallowed thickly and nodded.

"I...I am supposed to follow Heaven's orders without question because they come from Heaven and that means they are just," Castiel said, his voice frantic. "I am meant - I am _made_ to trust in God's will. But lately, I...I find myself having questions and doubts. I don't know if my orders truly come from God or not. I'm not sure what's right and what's wrong and I - "

Castiel broke off suddenly and punched the wall right next to Dean's head. Dean flinched slightly. Castiel was panting, his hot breath washing over Dean's face. His eyes were wild and he looked like a trapped wild animal. Dean could only imagine what he was going through. Like he said, Castiel was _made_ to follow orders, so his doubts must be destroying him.

"Cas," Dean said softly.

The angel looked at him, fear and paranoia in his eyes.

"Do you think I should go through with the Michael plan?" he asked.

Castiel swallowed and pulled his fist back from the wall. "The correct answer is yes, you should. But I...I just - " He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "_I don't know_," he hissed, then disappeared, nothing left of him but the faint sound of wing beats.

Dean let out a breath and felt his head start to spin. He turned to the side and saw a sizeable dent in the wall from where Castiel had punched it. He wasn't exactly sure what had just happened, but he was pretty sure he'd just broken an Angel of the Lord.

SPNSPNSPN

It was late when the excursion group got back and Sam had found Dean asleep in the library, drooling on a book about fairies.

"Dean, Dean!" Sam said, shaking his brother awake.

Dean sat up quickly, hands up in a fighting stance. He relaxed when he saw Sam.

"Where's your shadow?" Sam asked, looking around for Castiel.

For a moment Dean was tempted to tell him about his conversation with Castiel, but then remembered his promise not to tell anyone. Not even Sam.

"Think I pissed him off," Dean said, shrugging. "How was the town?"

"Really tiny, but it was nice to walk around with everyone," Sam replied. "There's this girl named Jess, she helped show me to breakfast this morning. Well she's going to be bonded to an angel soon."

"Huh," Dean said. "Does she know which one?"

"Rachel," Sam replied.

"Angel of Journeys," Dean mused to himself.

Sam nodded. "She's really excited about it, supposed to happen sometime soon." He grinned, then shoved at Dean. "Did you know Lisa's here? She has a son now, I just saw them."

"Yeah, she and I ran into each other on the first day," he said. "Cute kid." He smiled as he remembered how Ben, upon first seeing Dean, tried to bribe Dean to give him Dean's AC/DC shirt in exchange for his entire life's savings. Both he and Lisa said no. Firmly.

"Hey, some of us are going to watch the Star Trek movies, do you wanna come?" Sam asked.

Dean smiled and reached out to ruffle Sam's hair. "Nah, you go ahead. I'm reading a riveting book about fairies."

"Yeah, you sure looked engaged when you were drooling all over it," Sam teased.

Dean laughed and Sam joined in. It felt good to be laughing together, to not have to worry about jobs or Dad or fucking Alastair. And what was really good was seeing Sam laugh. Dean had seen Sam laugh more times today than he had in the past few years. But instead of making him feel great because Sammy was happy, it made Dean feel nauseous, because what did that say about the bunker? About the angels?

"Hey, Sam!"

They turned to see Jess standing in the doorway of the library, holding a bag of popcorn and wearing a Smurfs crop top and pajama shorts, a combination that showed off plenty of tanned skin.

Sam swallowed and put a hand on the table to steady himself. "Yeah?"

"You ready?" she asked, smiling brightly.

"Uh, yeah, I'm - yeah," Sam stammered. "Be there in sex - _in a sec_," he said, his face flaming up.

Jess laughed and walked down the hall, library door closing behind her. Sam turned to Dean and grinned.

"Hey, listen," he said. "I think this place is good. Like really good."

"Sam - "

"And if you're worried about your reputation - I mean, I've killed angels too," Sam said. "We all have. Lisa, Jody, Bobby - "

"Not as many as me."

"_Nobody's_ killed as many as you. But here it's like...it's like we've been given a second chance," he said, eyes bright. "A clean slate."

Dean shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Okay, I'm gonna leave you alone now. But think about it, Dean. And think about that Michael plan, will you?"

"Sure, Sammy, I'll think about it," Dean muttered, although he was wondering how good this place could be if Castiel was losing his shit about whether or not his mission was just or not. But then again, Sammy was laughing and smiling...

"Alright, see you later," Sam said, starting to leave.

"Hey, remember - use protection," Dean called.

Sam blushed again. "Jerk."

Dean grinned. "Bitch."

* * *

_Rachel_: From Wikipedia: "...name "Rachel" is from an unused root meaning: "to journey as a ewe that is a good traveler""


	8. why'd you bring a shotgun to the party?

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**8. why'd you bring a shotgun to the party?**

"Can I go for a run at least?" Dean asked as he flipped a burger patty.

Castiel looked at him. "What?"

"A run," Dean repeated. "You know, exercise. No funny business, just running and fresh air. You should probably run too, don't wanna let yourself go."

It had been over a week since Dean had seen daylight and he was going a bit crazy. Stuck indoors with nothing to do would do that to a person. He'd already read himself sick on fairies and didn't feel like cracking open another book. He was sick of the library. He was sick of his room. He was sick of everything. Dean was half-contemplating agreeing to the Michael plan just so they would let him outside. His most recent hangout spot was the kitchen, but he was starting to get sick of it too. Also a little chubbier than usual.

"I do not require exercise," Castiel replied. "And I shall not 'let myself go' as I do not eat either."

"No food?" Dean said. He whistled. "What's the point of living? Oh, right, you're not really alive."

After their semi-fight over orders and duty, Dean found Cas standing outside his room the next morning like nothing had happened. Dean hadn't broached the topic again and they continued on as usual, although lately Castiel had been a bit more terse with him than before.

Case in point:

"Do not insult my existence, Dean Winchester. I am just as alive as you," Castiel growled, taking a step forward, starting to crowd into Dean's space. That was another recent development. Castiel had apparently forgotten about personal space. _Again_. "Angelic life simply does not require food or exercise to sustain itself."

This was why Dean didn't like angels: they were so fucking self-righteous.

"But you also don't listen to music or do anything fun," Dean argued. "Food and exercise? That's necessary. But the other stuff? That's _why _we live. Why do you live? What's the _point_ of angel life? Happiness, self-fulfillment?"

Castiel paused for a moment. "To follow orders."

"Some life."

Castiel frowned, a stormy expression on his face, and Dean could feel that they were crossing into territory similar to what had caused Castiel to freak out a few days prior. He shook his head, ready to let it go so as to avoid another freak out, but then Castiel spoke.

"What, then, is the point of human life?" he asked, and Dean couldn't tell if he was genuine or just challenging Dean.

Dean stared at him for a moment. "To live."

Castiel's eyes widened and he inhaled sharply. In the back of his mind Dean wondered if angels even needed to breathe, but he was distracted by Castiel's dilated pupils. His chest tightened and he wondered what was wrong with him, and then he noticed that Cas was still crowding him, hardly any space between them. He swallowed painfully and -

Castiel looked up suddenly and took a step back, allowing Dean to feel like he could breathe again.

"What's happening?" Dean asked. "Angel radio?"

"No, no, my sister is here," Castiel said, then reached out and grabbed Dean's wrist, dragging him out of the kitchen.

"But my burger!" Dean complained, trying to dig his heels in, but he was no match for angelic strength.

"You can make another," Castiel replied firmly. "But I want to see my sister and I can't let you out of my sight."

Dean sighed with annoyance and let himself be tugged along the hallway. Just outside of one of the big meeting rooms was a girl with dark red hair wearing jeans and a green jacket over a white blouse. She smiled at the sight of them and Castiel released Dean and strode over to her.

"Castiel," she greeted with a wide smile.

"Anael," he returned.

They reached out and gripped each other's upper left arms in some sort of weird angel greeting, and then Anael laughed and pulled Castiel in for a hug. Dean started a bit when he realized that Cas was smiling. _Smiling_.

"It's been too long, little brother," she said when they pulled apart.

"_You're_ Anael?" Dean asked, walking over.

She looked at him and smiled. "Anna, please. And you must be the rebellious Michael Sword I've heard so much about."

"The one and only," Dean replied, glad she didn't address him as the Angel Killer. He briefly wondered, of all the angels he had killed, how many she had known personally, and how she was able to smile at him now.

Anna hummed under her breath as she looked at him quizzically. "Lisa made you sound taller."

Dean frowned. "What - "

"_Anna!_"

They turned and - speak of the devil - Lisa came running down the hallway towards them. She collided into Anna and they hugged each other tightly. Anna pressed her face into Lisa's dark hair.

"I knew - I could feel - why - " Lisa stammered as they separated.

"Got called in for a meeting," Anna replied, nodding toward the closed doors behind them. "Special mission just for me," she said with a wink.

Dean saw Castiel stiffen and frowned in concern. Lisa reached out and hugged her again and Anna gave Castiel a warning look over Lisa's shoulder.

"Do you have any time?" she asked. "Ben's been ask - "

"Anael, you may come in now," said Naomi suddenly from behind them. She was glaring disapprovingly at Lisa and Anna as they pulled away from each other.

"Duty calls," Anna said lightly. She wrapped a finger around a lock of Lisa's hair, then turned away. She smiled at Castiel. "Stay out of trouble, little brother."

"Of course," he said, frowning at the nickname or maybe still because of the "special mission."

She smiled at Dean. "It was nice to meet you."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, same."

Then she walked into the big meeting room and Naomi shut the door after glaring at them all. Lisa put a hand to her chest and took a shuddering breath, then shook her head and let her hand fall back to her side.

"Well, that's Anna," she said brightly, but Dean could tell she was upset. "Gotta go."

She departed down the hall without another word. Dean turned to Castiel, whose face was stormy.

"Cas?" he said. "What's wrong? Is it Anna?"

Castiel started walking away from the room in the opposite direction of Lisa, back toward Dean's room.

"Cas, come on, you gotta - "

"Anael - Anna - has been a flight risk for quite some time," Castiel said in an undertone. "She has issues with authority."

"I thought you said she was a good angel!" Dean exclaimed.

"She is," he replied. "Was." He sighed in agitation. "Because of her duty, Angel of Marriage, she observes humans more closely than most. She understands them. She likes them. And recently she has...she has started to want what they have. She goes by a human name, her relationship with Lisa is closer than most..."

"She's falling?" Dean whispered.

Castiel nodded. "I believe so." He ran a hand through his hair. "Angels aren't...we aren't equipped to have emotions. They get in the way of our purpose, our goal. When we start having emotions, our grace starts to fade and we slowly become human. When that happens, we get assigned a final mission, a last chance to prove ourselves."

"That's what she meant by special mission?" Dean asked.

"Yes."

Dean swallowed. "What happens if she fails?"

"Either she will be captured and killed or she will run away and rip her grace out and be reborn as a human," Castiel replied.

Dean felt cold all over. "And - Lisa - "

"Either way Lisa will die," Castiel said, a grim expression on his face.

"No!" Dean exclaimed. "They can't do that! She has a _son!_"

"They don't care," Castiel told him. "One human life is a small price to pay to be rid of a rebel angel."

"That's sick," Dean spat.

"It is," Cas agreed, turning his head to meet Dean's eyes. "We must hope that she succeeds in her mission."

Dean nodded and then peered at Castiel. "You really care about Anna."

"She is my sister," Castiel replied.

"Is she more important than, say...Naomi?" Dean asked. "And I don't mean in the cosmic sense. I mean to you. Who do you care about more?"

Cas thought for a moment. "Anna."

Dean smiled. "Well, you're on the right track to understanding how I feel about Sammy."

Castiel blinked and then smiled shyly. Dean's chest tightened at the sight but not from disgust.

"You should smile more often," he said.

Castiel's eyes widened and he ducked his head in embarrassment. Dean just laughed.

SPNSPNSPN

A few days later, Dean woke up to the sounds of chaos. People were shouting and running up and down the halls. Dean sat up with a start, hand on the gun that he kept on his bedside table. He threw on jeans and a shirt and walked outside his room. Cas was standing against the wall like normal, but his eyes were wide instead of stoic like usual.

"What the hell his going on?" Dean asked.

Castiel shook his head. "I don't know."

Dean started walking down the hall to find someone who would know. He ran through the empty library into the war room where a lot of hunters were standing around with grumpy expressions on their faces. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Sam with them.

"What happened?" he asked. "Are we under attack? What - "

"The demon Eligos has turned up in a small town in northern Ohio," Lisa said.

"Eligos?" Dean said, then grinned at Sam. "Alastair hated that guy, remember? Said he was always waving his fancy scepter around."

Sam sniggered and everybody glared at them. Dean held his hands up in defense.

"Okay, what," Dean said, frowning. "There are demons crawling all over the world. What's so special about Eligos being in Ohio?"

"What's special is that Eligos is a high-ranking general in Lucifer's army," Bobby replied. "And he hardly ever leaves Hell. The angels are moving to take him out."

"Who's being sent out?" he asked.

"Jody, your mom, and the three kids," Charlie said. "With their angels, of course."

"And what's the plan?"

Everyone sighed angrily and Dean guessed the plan was the reason for the grumpy faces.

Lisa spoke up. "They're going to get in position - like points in a pentagram - on the outskirts of the city and then..."

"Then they're going to destroy it," Chuck said grimly.

Dean's heart skipped a beat. "_What?!_" he exploded. "All those people - "

"They don't care," Chuck replied, then glared over Dean's shoulder at Cas. Cas, whose face was dark with fury, who Dean had almost forgotten was there. "A few thousand deaths are nothing compared to taking out a Great Duke of Hell."

"Did you - " Dean started, whirling on Castiel.

"No!" Castiel shouted, looking offended at the idea that he knew about this beforehand. "I don't condone this course of action."

"Thought all orders are just when they come from Heaven," Dean snapped. "Thought it was God's mighty plan."

Cas flinched and drew away from Dean, eliciting confused looks from everyone in the room.

"You have to stop this," Dean said urgently.

"I do not have that power," Castiel replied. "Even if I did - "

"What, you'd get in trouble for rebelling?" he asked. "Who the fuck cares?! There is a right and a wrong here and you _know_ it!" he exploded. "_This_ is why people hate you! _This_ is why people trust the demons! Because you do shit like _blow up entire cities!_"

Castiel bowed his head. "What would you have me do? The prophet is correct: they don't care."

"Then we'll make them care," Dean growled. "There has to be another way," he muttered to himself, then looked up. "When did they leave?"

"A few minutes before you came in here," Jess said.

He turned to Castiel. "Cas, do you know where they are? Can you sense it?"

Castiel turned his eyes skyward and then back down. "Yes."

"Can you take me there?"

He frowned. "You're not - "

"I know I'm not allowed out, but that's not the issue here!" Dean thundered. "So put your big boy pants on and quit bitching. There are thousands of lives at stake here!"

"What do you plan on doing?" Castiel asked.

"Well, I'm pretty important to them, being the Michael Sword and all," Dean said. "I don't think they'd blow the city up if I was in the middle of it."

Castiel's eyes widened. "Dean - "

"We don't have time to waste," Dean said. "This is my choice, come on." He turned to everyone and smiled, his eyes landing on Sam's stricken face. Sam looked like he wanted to protest but knew it wouldn't make any difference. "See you later, Sammy."

Then Cas put his fingers to Dean's forehead and they were falling through blackness before suddenly landing on a city sidewalk. Dean took a fresh breath in. It didn't smell too good. Smoke, pollution, and sweat greeted his nose, but it was better than the stale air of the bunker.

"They're getting ready to attack," Castiel said, looking around anxiously. "Hael and Samandiriel are almost in position. They're waiting on Ezekiel to give the word."

"Is there any way to let them know we're here?" Dean asked. "Or are they just going to blast away?"

Castiel closed his eyes and Dean could only imagine he was sending something out on angel radio. Dean's heart beat with trepidation despite his resolve. He didn't know if this was going to work. It was a bit of a long shot.

He got his answer when there were five pairs of wing beats and suddenly the five angels and their hunters were surrounding them. For the first time he saw the trio of youngsters, as Jody had called them. They were always out on missions, so Dean hadn't met them yet. They weren't as young as he'd thought, just teenagers, but still.

One was a girl with curly brown hair and she was standing by an angel with spiked blonde hair and a mischievous expression on his face. He figured they were Josephine and Azrael. The other girl was pale with dark hair and her angel was as equally pale and dark-haired. He assumed they were Krissy and Hael, Angel of Omens. The guy was fairly tall and had dark hair too, and his angel was some dorky looking guy. They he knew were Aiden and Samandiriel, Angel of Imagination.

Mary stepped forward and Dean also came face to face with Ezekiel for the first time. The Angel of Strength was tall with broad shoulders and ripped arms. He had short, dark sandy hair and a scruffy beard. His eyes were blue and his shirt looked about a size too small for him, showing off the nice muscles underneath. He was staring at Dean and Castiel with a menacing look.

He assumed that Sophia was the angel standing by Jody. She was short with long brown hair and lightly tanned skin. She had a soft look about her but her eyes betrayed an age much older than the twenty-something looking body she'd manifested as.

"Dean, what the hell are you doing?" Mary asked, her face twisted in anger. "You could have been killed!"

"Just like all of them?" Dean countered, gesturing to the people walking by them.

Mary pursed her lips and in her silence Ezekiel spoke. His voice thrummed with power and Dean wanted to take a step back just on instinct but held his ground.

"Castiel, you are in direct violation - " he started.

"Ezekiel, forgive me, but this is _not right_," Cas pleaded, his rough voice in contrast with Ezekiel's smooth tones. "Perhaps another course of action - "

"It is not your place to judge the rightness of our mission," Ezekiel snapped. "It is our mission and it is our duty to carry it out. Now please remove yourself and the Michael Sword or - "

"My, my," said a new voice. "Now _this_ is a party."

They turned to see some guy with slicked back hair staring at them with a weird smile.

Ezekiel started grinding his teeth and the angels stood protectively in front of Dean and Castiel.

"Eligos," Sophia greeted, inclining her head.

"Wait...this is Eligos?" Dean said, looking at the guy.

Dean didn't know what to expect - he'd never encountered a Great Duke of Hell before - maybe somebody a little taller, a little buffer, a little scarier. He certainly didn't expect Eligos to be so..._well-dressed._ Demons manifested on earth the same way angels did. No need for vessels. The guy was wearing a clearly expensive pair of dark wash jeans and shiny black shoes. He had on a gray vest over a peach pinstripe shirt. A baby blue bowtie completed the ensemble.

"I was _so_ looking forward to you blowing up the city," Eligos said sadly, his eyes flashing yellow. "But I suppose a fight will satisfy me."

The angels all drew their blades and got into fighting stances. The hunters drew their guns and knives.

"Castiel, get Dean out of here," Sophia said urgently.

"No way, sister," Dean said. "I know wisdom is your thing, but I'm not leaving without my mom."

Mary tightened her grip on her knife upon hearing that, and he realized it was kind of the first time he'd really accepted her as his mom. She didn't react any more, though, and that was probably good. She was in warrior mode.

"Let's fulfil our mission, shall we?" Azrael said, grinning sinisterly.

"If you're going to stick around, then at least stay out of our way," Sophia told him, then looked at Castiel. "Protect him."

Castiel nodded resolutely as Eligos laughed. Dean wondered why the guy was so happy with twelve against one odds when Dean realized that they were slowly being surrounded by what was probably an army of lesser demons. Dean cursed their luck. They should've known it was a trick. A Great Duke of Hell that hardly ever came topside didn't just camp out in Ohio for no reason.

There was a pause, then Ezekiel let out a yell and the angels and their hunters charged forward. Dean drew the knife he always kept on him, but was upset that he hadn't brought at least a shotgun or something with him. He and Cas pressed against the demons that had approached them. It felt good to be fighting again, but it felt strange to be against demons. He used to fight angels, not fight with them.

He and Castiel worked together effortlessly, to his surprise. Dean would knock the demons out or get them to lose their footing enough for Cas to smite or stab them and then Cas would throw other demons into Dean's path so he could stab them.

Dean spared a glance to see how the others were doing. Krissy, Aiden, and Josephine were all standing back to back in a triangle-like formation. They stepped together, turning as they charged through the attacking demons. They shot and stabbed all demons that dared approach them. Their angels were attacking from the other side of the horde. Hael was quick and efficient, using her small size to her advantage. Samandiriel watched her back and took care of any that she couldn't deal with immediately. Azrael was slashing bloodily through the demons and looking way too happy for his own good. Jody was on her own but handling herself well. Sophia was engaged with Eligos and it was a tough battle, one that she was fighting well but Dean could tell she was tiring - and quickly. Ezekiel and Mary were nowhere to be seen, but Dean didn't let himself panic about that.

He grunted as a demon jumped on his back, then it screamed as Castiel ripped it off his back and stabbed it in the ribcage. Dean turned to grin at him when he heard a scream of anger.

He looked and saw Mary falling from the sky, Ezekiel's angel blade in her hands. Her blonde hair whipped around her in the wind and she raised the blade and then threw it down with frightening accuracy. It embedded itself into Eligos' skull and he crumpled to the ground, a look of shock on his face. Sophia lunged to catch Mary but was too slow. Mary hit the ground with a _crunch_ and Dean found himself screaming and shoving his way through the demons to get to his mother.

As soon as they realized their leader was dead, the demons started dissolving into smoke to get away from the battle they'd surely lose. Demons were spineless creatures.

Dean reached his mother's side just as Ezekiel popped up beside her.

"Mom!" Dean shouted as Sophia helped Mary into a sitting position. Her shoulder looked dislocated and there was heavy bruising around her collarbone. Her forehead was bleeding heavily and she looked exhausted. Cas put a hand on his shoulder. "Mom, are you - "

"Fine," she ground out. Ezekiel held his hand (which was glowing) over her injured shoulder and Dean watched as the bruising went away and it popped back into place. Then he swept his hands over the rest of her body. She smiled at Dean. "See?"

Dean sat back on his heels and nodded. He looked around to see the other angels healing their hunters and then noticed that he felt like shit. He stood up and started to walk away from the group when Castiel grabbed his arm. He turned to face him, ready to bite out some stupid insult that had nothing to do with being mad at Cas but simply because he was feeling annoyed, when Cas held his hand out and healed him the same way Ezekiel had healed Mary.

"Um, thanks," Dean said, but from the way Sophia was watching them with raised eyebrows he got the feeling Cas shouldn't have done that. Maybe healing humans you weren't bonded to was taboo too.

Castiel nodded and turned as Ezekiel approached them.

"Take him back," he said, nodding at Dean. "Uriel is not going to be pleased with you, Castiel."

"Uriel is never pleased, aside from when he makes a good joke," Castiel replied evenly. "But I am pleased that an entire city was not sacrificed."

Ezekiel pursed his lips and then turned away, presumably to take Mary back to the bunker. Dean was going to say something when two fingers touched his forehead and they were falling through black. They landed in the war room a second later.

"Geez, Cas, warn a guy first!" Dean grumbled as he regained his balance.

Castiel gave him an amused look that made his eyes sparkle. Dean blushed and looked away.

"I'm really gonna get it, aren't I?" he asked.

Castiel nodded. "Yes. We both are."

"Sorry for dragging you into this."

"I did not do anything that was against my will," Castiel replied. "I am of equal fault."

"Is this what you meant when you said you were doubting some of your orders?" he asked.

"Yes."

Dean shook his head in agitation. "I'm telling you, man, there's something really wrong going on here."

Cas looked up and met his gaze and Dean felt his chest tighten at the look in those eyes. "For the first time, Dean," he said slowly, "I'm starting to agree with you.

* * *

_Hael_: A definition of hael is "omen"

_Samandiriel_: According to the angel website

_Face claims_:  
Azrael - Lucas Till  
Ezekiel - Andy Whitfield (RIP)  
Sophia - Sophia Bush


	9. one, two, three, and four

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**9. one, two, three, and four; the devil's knocking at your door**

There was a knock at his door and Dean felt a spike in his heart rate as he wondered who it would be. It could be Sam, who he hadn't seen yet, it could be Ezekiel, it could be Naomi, Uriel, or Zachariah come to deliver his punishment.

It was none of them.

It was Mary.

"May I come in?" she asked, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

He nodded dumbly and stepped aside. Castiel was standing across the hall as usual, and when Dean sent him a questioning look the angel just shrugged. He mouthed "wish me luck" at Castiel and the angel smiled widely, causing Dean to pause in closing the door. He shook his head at himself before turning around to face his mother.

"How deep of shit am I in?" he asked.

She laughed. "I don't think any, actually."

Dean stared at her in amazement. "Really?"

She nodded. "We got the job done: Eligos is dead. Naomi, Uriel, and Zachariah are upset that you left the bunker, naturally, but you're back now without a fuss. The hunters are pleased as punch that that city isn't a smoking crater. The angels are too, although they'll be less likely to show it. Zeke's mostly upset because he feels like his authority was undermined."

"Zeke?" Dean repeated, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm the only one who can call him that," she said with a grin. "He gets half of my soul, I get to call him Zeke. Pretty even exchange."

Dean laughed and she smiled pleasantly before her eyes became sad and she looked away. Dean bit his lip. He didn't know how to respond. He didn't know if she was upset or what, or how to comfort her if she was. He had a sudden jolt of realization that his mother was practically a stranger to him. The one person who was supposed to know him better than he knew himself...and he didn't know her at all.

"I'm sorry, Dean," she said suddenly.

He frowned. "Why?"

"You're disappointed in me," she replied. "I can only imagine what you must think of me. First you learn that I abandoned you and Sam, that I've been alive this entire time. Then you see me on a mission where I'm supposed to aid in the throwing away of thousands of innocent lives. Some mother, huh?"

He was still searching for something to say when she sighed and rubbed her arms, bunching up the plaid shirt she was wearing and revealing some scars. He saw an old silver band on her left hand and started when he realized it was her wedding ring. She still wore it after all these years.

"I thought it was wrong too, at first," she said softly. "But they kept telling me it was a necessary sacrifice. And it's kind of hard to argue with the soldiers of Heaven."

Dean chuckled. "I get that."

"I guess I just got used to it," she sighed. "I couldn't see another path, not like you."

He pursed his lips. "Look, it's not your fault," he said. "It's theirs. Them and their messed up idea of righteousness. It's this stupid war. You...You've done the best you could." The words were a lump in his throat. "I can't blame you for that."

She looked up at him in surprise, her mouth forming a tiny "o".

"And how could I be disappointed?" he asked, voice cracking slightly as he smiled at her. "My mom is alive. How could I be disappointed about that?"

She let out a soft cry and rushed forward, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He leaned down and rested his head on her shoulder, putting his arms around her torso. She pet the back of his head gently, soothingly, and it was a wonder he didn't start crying right then and there. They stood that way for a long while until she patted his back and they pulled apart.

"You know," he said conversationally, "when Lisa told me you were a badass, I didn't really believe her. But what the hell was with that falling out of the sky shit?!"

Mary laughed. "It's a move we came up with a few years ago. Zeke gives me his blade and drops me off in the middle of the sky. Pretty effective kill shot since most demons don't expect it.

"No shit," Dean said with a grin.

"We don't get to do it very often because usually our target is surrounded by other demons," she continued. "If I landed in a crowd of demons, and you saw how injured I was, I'd be dead in a second. But since you all were taking care of the other demons and Eligos was relatively removed from them we decided it was a good idea."

"It's gotta hurt, though," he said.

She grinned. "Like a bitch. But Zeke heals me up pretty quickly."

Dean nodded and suddenly his thoughts turned to Castiel, who'd healed him up after the battle. The angels might not be punishing Dean, but what about Castiel?

"Mom," he said. "Do you know what they're going to do to Cas?"

She frowned. "No, I don't. Even though it was the right call, he did disobey, and the angels take disobeying very seriously. They don't want any dissent in their ranks."

Dean was suddenly reminded of Anna.

"But he could say that you made him," Mary said.

He laughed. "Cas said he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to, and anyway I don't think I can make an Angel of the Lord do anything."

"I don't know, you two get along pretty well. You'd be surprised where angel loyalty can get you," she said.

For some reason Dean found himself blushing. Mary smiled and patted his cheek.

"I love you, Dean," she said, and Dean's breath hitched in his throat.

He leaned over to hug her again. "I love you too, Mom."

SPNSPNSPN

As he did whenever Dean did something stupid to make him worry, Sam went on a run. He guessed that everyone must've seen how agitated he was after Dean and Castiel disappeared because no one tried to stop him. Jess actually encouraged him, which he was grateful for. He really liked her, and he was pretty sure she was about to hold his hand at the movie night before Charlie had shoved a bowl of pretzels into his hands.

He ran a couple laps around the perimeter of the bunker and then decided to run into town just for the heck of it. It had been a while since he'd had a good run and it felt good to stretch his legs. He slowed down when he the edge of town and started to stretch against a porch when someone grabbed him and threw him against the side of the building he was next to.

"Hey - mmf!" Sam exclaimed as whoever grabbed him put a hand over his mouth. It was a girl. A short girl. She was tiny, with dark eyes and long dark hair.

"Shh!" the girl said. "I'm not gonna hurt you, I just wanna talk." She took her hand off his mouth and held her hands up. "See?"

"You could've tapped me on the shoulder," Sam said, brushing himself off.

"Yeah, that might've been better," she mumbled. "Sorry, I'm not too good at this."

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Ruby," she replied, extending her hand out. "Emissary of Lucifer."

Sam stumbled away from her but his back his the wall of the building. He patted his sides, and if this had been pre-bunker he would've had at least a knife on him, but he'd gotten comfortable and had stopped arming himself. He was an idiot.

"Relax, relax!" she said, holding her hands up. "I just wanna talk, I swear!"

"You're a demon," he spat.

"Don't be racist," she said, frowning.

"You're evil!"

"Yeah, well you used to be on a demon blood diet," she replied dryly. "What does that say about you?"

He frowned and she smiled.

"See? Not so black and white after all," she said.

"Okay, what do you want?" he asked angrily.

"I want to talk to you about Lucifer," she replied.

He rolled his eyes. "Because that's how all great conversations start: with a talk about the Devil."

"Listen, I'm trying to help you!" she exclaimed. "We can end this war!"

"The angels have a plan," Sam said.

"Yeah, a plan that ends in blood and pain," Ruby replied dryly. "This plan ends in peace."

Sam snorted. "You expect me to believe that demons want _peace?_"

She glared. "Remember what I said about being racist?"

He sighed. "Okay. What's your plan?" If anything, he could figure out what they were planning and tell the angels about it.

"To bond you with Lucifer."

"_What?!_" Sam exploded. "But - that's - "

"Lucifer was an archangel, remember? The Angel of Dawn," she said. "It's your destiny to bond with him."

"Why," Sam said, deadpan, "would I bond with the Devil?"

"Because you're the only one who can save him," she said softly, dark eyes wide with sincerity. "He's forgotten his goodness. He's tired of the war, the fighting, but he doesn't know how to stop. It's all he knows how to do ever since God kicked him out of Heaven, ever since he got out of the Cage. If you bond with him, your goodness will save him. He'll stop the war."

He eyed her. "You're serious," he said slowly, the heartfelt look on her face throwing him off. "Why - "

"I remember what it's like," she interrupted, staring down at the ground.

"What what's like?" he asked.

"What it's like to be human."

He stared her for a moment. "Wait, you were - "

"You didn't know that?" she asked. When he shook his head she said, "Yeah, that's what happens to people who get sent downstairs. Everything gets stripped from you. Your soul turns black and twisted. You forget who you were."

"Did you look - "

She glanced down at her body and shrugged. "It would make sense, but I don't remember. But I remember my life. Bits and pieces, anyway. I was a chambermaid in the 1400s. My mother died when I was ten. Her face is the only one I remember." Ruby smiled sadly, her eyes focusing on something distant. "She always smiled, even when she was dying."

Sam had no idea what to say. Ruby's story contradicted everything the angels had told him about demons. And if the demons were lying about the angels and the angels were lying about the demons, then who was telling the truth? He wondered if anyone did these days.

"Listen, I know this is a lot to take in," she said. "Take some time to think about it, okay?"

He nodded slowly. He was feeling way more conflicted about this than he was expecting to. "Yeah, okay." He bit his lip. "How...how will I find you again?"

She smiled. "Um...I'll be here same time about every day for about a...week?"

"I usually run around five in the morning. Would that be okay?"

She nodded. "Sure, I can do that."

"Alright then," he said, then looked down at his feet, suddenly feeling awkward. "Okay. Um. Bye?"

"Bye!" she said brightly, then dissolved into smoke.

Sam shuddered. He'd never liked it when demons did that. He shook his head and started running back to the bunker, mind full of thoughts. He was so distracted when he got back that he didn't even hear Jess calling his name until the third time.

"Sorry, what?" he asked, grinning at her as she came over.

"Did you have a good run?" Jess asked.

"Yeah, it was...eventful," he said carefully. At least he wasn't lying.

She quirked an eyebrow in amusement. "Sounds nice. Oh! Your mom and brother are back. Unscathed, both of them. And they saved the city."

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. Thanks, Jess."

"Of course," she said with a smile, then started to turn away.

"Wait, can I ask you something?" he asked quickly.

She turned back around. "Yeah, totally."

"Your bonding ritual is tomorrow, right?"

She nodded.

"Are you nervous about it?" he asked.

"No, no, I'm actually really looking forward to it," she said eagerly. "I can't wait."

"But...now this is hypothetical. I'm sure Rachel is great," he said. "But what if you got bonded to a, uh, a _bad_ angel?"

She laughed. "All angels are good!" she exclaimed.

He grinned. "Right. Sorry. I guess I'm being silly."

"Do you want to be bonded someday?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah, I'm thinking about it," he replied.

"Well, if you have any more questions, you know how to find me," she said, putting her hand on his arm and squeezing it quickly.

Sam's heart started beating quickly and he felt the stupid grin on his face. "Yeah, I mean, I know where you sleep." He froze and she put a hand over her mouth, trying to hide her laughter. "I - That didn't - that sounded way more stalkery than I meant it," he mumbled in embarrassment.

She laughed and squeezed his arm again. "It's okay, I know what you meant," she said around her giggles. She turned to leave the war room and then paused in the doorway. She bit her lip and said seductively, "By the way, I know where you sleep too," then turned and pranced away.

Sam had to brace himself on the war table because he suddenly felt like he was going to pass out.

SPNSPNSPN

"You _didn't_," Dean said, aghast. "You said you know where she sleeps?!"

"Keep your voice down!" Sam hissed.

Dean cackled and turned to Cas. "Can you believe this kid? I swear he's never been functional around women."

Cas smiled. "Females can indeed be difficult to deal with."

"You know, I've been wondering," Dean said, putting a hand on Cas' shoulder as they walked back to their rooms from dinner. "Are angel women as confusing as human women?"

"Angels don't have gender," Cas replied.

Dean frowned at him. "Then..."

"We go along with your human constructed gender binary system when we're on earth because it makes more sense to you," Cas explained. "Some angels prefer to be known as female, others as male. Some don't care."

"So you identify as a man?" Dean asked.

Cas shrugged. "I don't have any problem with it."

Dean nodded slowly as he processed, then shrugged. "D'you hear that, Sammy?" he said as he turned to Sam, then noticed that his little brother was giving them a strange look. He frowned. "What?"

Sam shook his head and gave Dean a shit-eating grin, which only increased Dean's suspicions. "Nothing. I'm gonna go to bed. And Dean?"

"Yeah?" Dean asked, raising his eyebrows.

"It's nice to see you getting along with Mom," Sam mumbled.

Dean smiled and clapped his hand on Sam's back. "Well, what can you say. Killing a horde of demons is a bonding experience," he said. "Must run in the family."

Sam laughed. "See you tomorrow."

"See ya." Dean waved as Sam went into his room and Dean opened the door to his and paused. He turned to see that Cas had taken up his usual spot against the wall across the hall. Dean chewed his lip and then raised his arm in a half-hearted gesture.

"Dean?" Cas asked, an expression of concern pinching his pretty face.

"You don't have to stand in the hall, buddy," Dean said.

Cas tilted his head to the side in confusion.

"_Come in_," he said.

"But your rule - "

"Yeah, well I trust you now, okay?" He was surprised by how true that was.

Cas paused a moment longer, then nodded. Dean stepped to the side and Cas walked into the room and stood awkwardly to the side as Dean closed the door.

"Can I ask you something?" Dean said as he walked over to the bed and sat down on it.

"Of course."

Dean smiled. "Make yourself comfortable," he said, gesturing around the room.

"Is that the question?" Cas teased, and Dean recalled the first time Cas had asked if he could ask him something.

"No," Dean replied with a grin as Cas settled himself on the bed, a little space between them.

"What's Heaven like?"

Cas smiled a bit. "For human souls it is wonderful. Each soul gets his or her own personal heaven. Some souls share heavens, if they are soulmates or intensely connected in a similar way. Each heaven is crafted perfectly for each soul. I particularly enjoy spending time in the heaven of an autistic man who died in 1953." Cas' smile turned wistful and Dean was mesmerized at the way it shaped his face. "Flying a kite in the park on an eternal Tuesday afternoon. Going there brings me peace. I like simple heavens."

"Huh," Dean said, still staring at Cas. Cas looked at him and Dean blinked at his lap.

"And what's Heaven like for angels?"

"Very different," Cas replied. "It...it's hard to explain. Heaven is both our workplace and our home, thought it functions more as the former. Lots of giving orders, receiving orders, following orders. Always a job to be done. That's part of the reason I don't spend much time there."

Cas looked a little upset at that and Dean felt the need to change the subject, anything to get that look off of Dean's face.

"Hey, um, you're...you're the Angel of Solitude, aren't you?" he asked even though he knew he was right.

Cas looked away and nodded.

"Doesn't that ever get lonely?"

Cas laughed dryly. "You did catch the solitude part, didn't you?"

Dean frowned. "But I mean - "

"I know what you mean, but alone does not always equal lonely," Cas said, looking down at his folded hands. "Mostly it's quiet. I'm comfortable by myself, so it's not torture. You can perhaps tell, my people skills are kind of rusty. I've always been like that. Comes with the job title I suppose. This is the longest time I've ever been around humanity before."

"What do you even _do?_" Dean asked.

"Wander," Cas replied. "I wander around heaven, earth. I'm an observer. I watch. I don't interfere. The only interaction I have is when I send relief to those whose solitude hurts them."

"So when people are sad and lonely you comfort them?" Dean asked.

"To an extent, yes." Cas nodded slowly. "When I do so, I can feel their pain and sadness. I take it for them. It...can be overwhelming."

Dean whistled low through his teeth. "I'd assume so." He paused as a thought occurred to him. "Have you ever..." He shifted uncomfortably.

"Have I ever eased your loneliness?" Cas asked, a smile quirking the corner of his mouth.

Dean nodded.

"I stopped paying attention to who I was helping a very long time ago," Cas said. "It was too disconcerting. But..."

"Nah, don't worry about it, it was a longshot, it doesn't matter, I - " Dean rambled, but then Cas was leaning forward and for a wild second Dean thought Cas was going to kiss him. He laughed away the thought, but then Cas put his hand on the side of Dean's face and started to close his eyes and _holy shit was this really happening_ and goddammit he was going to let Cas do it he was going to -

Some weird tremor ran through him followed by another. Soft thrums of power, radiating from Cas' palm on Dean's face. Dean willed his heart rate to slow and the blush to leave his face as he realized Cas wasn't leaning any closer and wasn't going to kiss him, but rather was doing some sort of weird angel mojo shit to him. After a moment, Cas leaned back and smiled, oblivious to Dean's disgruntled state.

"I can sense some remnants of my presence within you," Cas said, and it was a true testament to Dean's self-control that he didn't make a sex joke out of that. "I have taken the burden of your loneliness a couple times in the past."

Dean blinked cause wow what a weird connection to have with someone. Especially someone who killed angels for a living. Then he frowned as another thought occurred to him.

"When I made you stand out in the hall," he started, "was that like - "

"It felt similar to my job," Cas replied. "The bunker is quiet at night, and I'm the only angel around at that time. I can feel everyone's souls. Nobody is lonely here." Cas was smiling faintly and for some reason it just made Dean's heart hurt.

"Were you?" Dean asked. "Lonely, I mean."

Cas thought a moment. "In a way. I am with you but I am not with you. I am separate, I am removed. That can be lonely sometimes. I suppose it's more prominent at night, without you around." He chuckled to himself. "You're spoiling me, Dean. I'm growing used to your company."

"Good," Dean blurted before he could stop himself.

Cas looked up at him, eyes wide. They'd shifted closer to each other somehow and their knees were pressed together now. Dean reached out and covered Cas' folded hands with his own.

"I don't want you to feel alone," Dean said, his voice breathy.

Cas shifted his hands so Dean's was enclosed in both of his. Dean curled his fingers around Cas' and they stared at each other, unsure and sincere expressions on both of their faces.

"Understand?" Dean asked, squeezing Cas' fingers.

"I understand," Cas replied, squeezing back.

Dean's hand started tingling and then something sparked, sending a shock all the way up his arm. Cas must've felt it too because he pulled his hands back at the same time as Dean did.

"What was that?" Dean asked.

Cas shook his head slowly. "I do not know."

Dean stared at his hand in confusion. "Well, it was something."

"Yes, it was," Cas said, eyes fixed on Dean.

Dean swallowed, and suddenly he wasn't sure if they were talking about the spark or the way things were changing between them.

* * *

_Lucifer_: According to the angel website


	10. hey there little girl

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**10. hey there little girl. come inside, don't be afraid**

When Dean woke up the next day to chaos, it was the good-sounding chaos. Happy voices and exclamations filled the halls outside his room and he could smell a big breakfast being made. He stretched his arms above his head and froze when he heard a voice.

"Good morning, Dean."

Oh right.

He rolled over on his side and saw Castiel sitting in the chair by his desk. Cas was giving him a warm smile and Dean remembered their conversation last night. He also remembered when he thought Cas was going to kiss him, and he was going to let him.

What did that mean?

"Morning," Dean said, sitting up. "What's going on out there?"

"Today is the day of Jessica Moore's bonding ritual," Cas replied as Dean walked over to his dresser. "The hunters are celebrating. Many angels are arriving for the ceremony."

"Fun," Dean said. "Let's go."

Dean wasn't sure what exactly he and Cas were at this point. Were they friends? Were they more? Were they just acquaintances forced together and dealing with it the best they could? He had no idea. And it was stressing him out a little, especially since he'd spent his entire life hating angels.

But aside from his worries, being around Cas was easy, comfortable. Cas walked so close to him now that sometimes the backs of their hands brushed together and it filled Dean with a strange warmth, and sometimes Cas would look over and they'd smile at each other and Cas' eyes would brighten. It was nice. It was better than nice.

Every hunter in the bunker was in the library when they walked in. There weren't enough chairs for everyone, so they stood about in groups. There were a lot of angels around, too, but most of them he didn't recognize. He noticed a lot of them grabbing each other's upper left arms in that weird angel greeting.

He looked around and saw Sophia and Ezekiel chatting over in one corner. Krissy, Josephine, and Hael looked like they were gossiping. Samandiriel was standing awkwardly by himself in the middle of the room. Dean spotted Sam standing by Jess, who - from what he could tell - was being congratulated and wished luck a lot. He didn't see his mom anywhere.

"Dara," Cas whispered, breath washing over Dean's ear and making him shiver.

Dean turned to him, hoping he wasn't blushing. "What?"

Cas nodded to a young girl wearing a Hello Kitty shirt. "Dara."

"Angel of Rain," Dean replied in an undertone.

Cas smiled and then nodded at scruffy guy in a suit. "Zikiel."

"Angel of Comets."

"Elimiel," Cas said.

Dean looked at the pretty Indian woman. "Angel of the Moon."

It became a game of sorts. Cas would tell him the names of angels and Dean would reply with their title. A little while after Cas started adding his own comments on. When Dean said Mihr was the Angel of Friendship Cas had replied with, "Angel of always showing up late." Cahor, Angel of Deception, was also apparently the angel of grumpy scowls. Eirnilus was the Angel of Fruit and smelling strangely like fish.

"Barakiel."

"Angel of February."

"Angel of bad ties."

They sniggered together, earning a grumpy scowl from Cahor, who looked out of place as he stood to the side with a plate of pancakes.

"Who's that?" Dean asked, subtly pointing at a 70-something year old woman.

Cas smirked. "Flaef."

"_Angel of Human Sexuality?!_" Dean hissed, staring in disgust at the angel who looked like she could be his grandmother.

"Angel of hording paperclips."

Dean snorted.

"And what am I?"

They turned to see Anna, who'd come up behind them without them noticing.

"Angel of rudely sneaking up on people, right Cas?" Dean said with a wink as she and Cas gripped each other's upper left arms and then hugged.

"Indeed," Cas replied.

Anna laughed. "Then you must be the angel of forgetting that angels have really good hearing."

Cas blushed and Dean just kept laughing.

"Have we pissed everyone off?" Dean asked.

"Just about," Anna replied, then winked. "They're just annoyed. Us angels have pretty big egos."

Dean smiled at Cas. "I know."

Cas glared lightly at him. Dean bumped him with his shoulder and smiled. Anna raised her eyebrows at them.

"How is your mission going?" Cas asked Anna.

Her brown eyes darkened for a moment but she smiled. "Oh, you know. It's going."

Cas frowned. "Anna - "

"Hi, sorry, have you guys seen Balthazar anywhere?"

They turned to see that Jo had approached them. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, and there were dried tear tracks on her cheeks.

Anna put a hand on her arm and squeezed it comfortingly. "No, I haven't. I'm pretty sure he's supposed to be here, though."

"I _know_, that's why - " Jo started in distress, but her eyes started to water again and she blinked them quickly. "I'll just...I'm sorry, I'm just gonna go."

Jo walked away, shoulders hunched, and they watched her go with sad expressions.

"Speaking of, have you seen Lisa?" Dean asked.

Anna smiled. "Yeah, I have. She's busy trying to keep Ben away from the cake right now."

"Cake?" Dean wrinkled his nose. "What, no pie?"

Anna laughed. "Jess requested cake, so that's what she's gonna get. If you decide to split your soul in half and give it to Michael, then you'll get a pie."

"I'll do a lot of things for pie, but that's not one of them," Dean replied with a light tone, but his expression said otherwise.

Castiel and Anna's faces both turned conflicted. Anna opened her mouth to say something, but just smiled and waved as she moved on to mingle with other angels and hunters. Dean shifted on his feet, feeling trapped and agitated. That stupid fucking Michael plan. It was the whole reason he was here in the first place, the reason Cas was assigned to watch over him until he agreed to it.

He walked angrily over to the punch bowl and accidentally bumped into an angel. The angel reeled back and glared at him.

"Angel Killer," she hissed, then stalked away.

Dean felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. That was right. He was the Angel Killer. He didn't befriend angels and make fun of them, and he certainly didn't want to kiss them. He'd murdered close to a hundred angels. Everyone here probably hated him, knew who he was and secretly plotted his demise. What about Michael? Michael had to know who he was. What if they bonded and killed Lucifer, would Michael kill him right after? As revenge for all those that Dean had killed?

"Rahmiel," Cas said suddenly. Dean had almost forgotten he was there.

"Angel of Mercy," Dean replied automatically.

Cas smiled. "Angel of holding grudges over petty misunderstandings."

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Seriously?"

Cas nodded and Dean cracked up into laughter. After he calmed down, he realized he felt better. He smiled at Cas and decided that one good thing has come out of this.

But he wondered if Cas resented him too.

SPNSPNSPN

Jess' bonding ritual finally took place later that afternoon and Dean discovered what the actual dining room was used for. All the angels except Castiel filed slowly into the dining room and Jess had to hang back in another room while Rachel arrived and went inside since they weren't allowed to meet until the ritual started. All the hunters were there, too, including Mary.

There was a sound of wings and suddenly there was a middle-aged blonde guy standing in the hall.

"Bal!" Jo exclaimed, running forward.

The angel opened his arms and she jumped into them. He lifted her up and they spun around a bit. Dean looked over at Ellen and caught her mixed expression of sympathy and disapproval. Balthazar set Jo down and kissed her forehead then wiped her tears.

"Sorry, love, I got a little held up," he said softly, hands cupping her cheeks.

"I thought - I was scared - I didn't - " she babbled, curling her hands around his wrists.

Balthazar nodded, and Dean thought he saw a tear roll down the angel's cheek. Balthazar kissed Jo's forehead again and then stepped away from her.

"I'm sorry, I have to - "

"I know. Will - "

"I'll try, it's - "

"Yeah. I - "

"I know."

They smiled painfully at each other and Balthazar squeezed her hand once before entering the dining room. Or was it the bonding room now? Dean didn't care. Jo watched Balthazar go and didn't look away until the door closed. She took a shuddering breath and then straightened her posture, raising her chin up and casting a steely gaze around at all of them, as if daring them to judge her. Then she walked over and stood next to her mother.

The door opened again and Naomi stepped out. "It's time," she said.

Sam went into the other room and fetched Jess, and Dean noticed with pride that his little brother had his arm around the girl's shoulders as they walked out. They hugged quickly and then Jess made her way to Naomi.

"Are you ready?" Naomi asked.

Jess smiled. "Yes."

Naomi stepped aside and Jess stepped into the room and Naomi closed the door behind her.

"Naomi," Cas whispered in Dean's ear.

"Angel of pantsuits," Dean whispered back.

Cas had to restrain his laughter.

Some wave of power pulsed ran through them, and then there was a strange humming. A bright light started shining through the cracks around the door. Then the screaming started.

"Jess!" Sam exclaimed, running forward, but Mary pulled him back.

"It's part of the process," she said. "You can't interfere."

Sam's eyes were wild with fear. "But Mom - "

"It's okay," she said.

Sam didn't say anything else, just turned back to face the door, but his jaw was clenched and his fists were balled up. Dean knew what he was thinking: how could this be okay?

The light got brighter and the screaming just increased. She sounded like she was being tortured, like she was going to die. It made Dean's stomach turn. _This_ was what the angels wanted him to go through? This was what they made teenagers go through? His mom? Jo? The screaming got so intense it sounded like her vocal cords were going to snap at any second.

Dean turned and shoved his way through the group. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't listen to it. He didn't turn to see if Cas was following, he knew the angel would, so he went straight to his room and threw himself down on the bed. Cas closed the door, and Jess' screaming was faint now.

"Is it always like that?" Dean asked after a moment, his voice muffled.

"As far as I know."

He felt Cas settle on the edge of the bed so he rolled over onto his back, reached forward to grab hold of Cas' coat, and then pulled him back so the angel was laying beside him on the bed.

"Gotta say, that significantly lowered any chance of me saying yes to the Michael plan," Dean replied.

"I understand."

Dean huffed with frustration and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "I just...I feel like something like a bond shouldn't hurt, you know? Like it shouldn't be one person giving and the other taking. That's not a bond, that's, like...enslavement or something."

"I agree."

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

Cas shifted beside him. "Yes. The bonding process has never appealed to me for that reason. Owning half of someone's soul..." Cas shook his head. "That's too great a burden."

"So you _never_ want to be bonded?" Dean asked, remembering how earlier Cas had said that if it was his duty he would.

There was a pause and the only sound in the room was Dean's breathing.

"I've never had a desire to be," Cas said evenly. "But perhaps if I was matched with a compatible hunter, the experience wouldn't be awful."

Dean swallowed and tried not to imagine himself as the hunter that Cas would be compatible with.

He failed.

"Cas, do you know what people call me?" Dean asked suddenly to get his mind off of bonding.

"They call you the Angel Killer," Cas replied, his tone carefully even.

"One of the angels here today called me that," Dean said quietly. "I'd almost forgotten about it." He sighed. "I've slaughtered your brothers and sisters."

"No you haven't."

Dean gave a humorless laugh. "Pretty sure I have, Cas. There's no way I could've imagined all that."

"I mean, you are not the Angel Killer," Cas replied. "That was the old you. You and he are not the same person. _You_ have not killed my brothers and sisters, _he_ did."

Tears rose in Dean's eyes and he closed them to prevent them from spilling but failed. He swallowed heavily.

"Why don't you hate me, Cas?" he whispered.

Cas reached down and took his hand, interlacing their fingers, and Dean felt a couple tiny sparks light along their palms like before.

"I don't hate you, Dean," Cas said. "Far from it."

SPNSPNSPN

The screaming died down after a few minutes, but Sam didn't relax. He'd been tempted to leave with Dean, but he wanted to be here for Jess when she came out. It was silent for what felt like forever but was actually probably no more than a couple minutes. Sam suddenly remembered that sometimes, despite compatibility tests, the hunter can still die from the process. His throat went dry and his body went cold with anxiety. He was barely aware of his mother rubbing his shoulders in an attempt to comfort him.

The door opened then and Sam's heart leapt.

Jess and Rachel - a pretty blonde angel with a wide mouth - stepped through the door. The hunters erupted in applause and Jess rushed forward to hug Sam, to his pleasant surprise.

The angels filed out of the dining room and followed the hunters as they made their way to the library to help themselves to an early dinner. Jo ran into Balthazar's arms again and Sam didn't miss the nasty look Uriel was giving them. He had noticed that angels and their hunters didn't spend much time together.

"So?" Sam asked Jess. "What's it like?"

She looked tiredly up at him and smiled. "It feels _amazing_."

"Really?"

She nodded eagerly. "Really. It's like she and I are one. She's really nice, Sam. I can feel her emotions and I can tell when she's near. And I feel stronger, better. It's like nothing I've ever imagined."

Sam smiled and gave her a side hug. "I'm so happy for you."

"You know, if you're serious about being bonded, you should tell Zachariah soon," she said. "They can start searching for a match."

"Yeah," Sam said, distractedly thinking about Ruby's offer. "Yeah, I'll do that."

* * *

_Dara, Zikiel, Elimiel, Mihr, Cahor, Eirnilus, Barakiel, Flaef, Rahmiel_: All according to the angel website; none of these angels have been mentioned in canon


	11. sex and love and guns, light a cigarette

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**11. sex and love and guns, light a cigarette**

Dean knew a lot of things. Like a _lot_. Sure, Sammy was the smart one, the brainy one, but Dean was smart too! He was a fucking genius when he wanted to be.

(He didn't want to be right now. Right now he wanted to be drunk.)

(But he was already drunk.)

(Okay, time for a new goal.)

But anyway, Dean knew a lot of things. But what he didn't know was why seeing the lady at the bar smile at Cas, or the guy by the bathroom pat him on the shoulder, or the swinger couple offer to buy him a drink bothered him so much.

It had been over a week since Jess' bonding ritual and Dean had started to go a bit crazy again. Reason one was that he was craving daylight and fresh air, and reason two was that things were weird with Cas. Not a bad weird, just a weird weird. Different.

They'd started hovering closer to each other, bodies pressing together when it wasn't necessary. For instance, Dean would be making breakfast and Cas would watch over his shoulder, the angel's chest against his back. Or they'd sitting be in the library and Cas' leg would be stretched out so it touched Dean's. And when they walked their arms and hands often brushed each other. On more than one occasion when their hands had brushed together Dean had had the urge to take Cas' fingers, which scared him for reasons unknown.

They'd also started to be able to communicate without words. Dean could read Cas' facial expressions like a book, and vice versa. Especially if they were in a room with other people, they'd look at each other and tell jokes and say sarcastic comments, even if they were across the room.

Another thing Dean had noticed was that Cas was becoming less...well, almost less angel-y. He wasn't nearly as stiff as he'd been back when they'd first met, and he was much more open. They talked everything, from Heaven's problems to Dean's dad, and no topics were off limits. And Cas had developed a sense of humor. Or he'd had it all along and it was just buried beneath millennia of soldierdom and solitude. He was showing emotions, interests, preferences. Dean didn't want to say Cas was becoming more human, but, well, there it was. And before he knew it, Cas had become the person Dean trusted most in the world, second only to Sam because Sam was most important.

Dean was changing too. He stopped hating angels. Most of them, anyway. He still didn't like Naomi, Uriel, and Zachariah. But he figured maybe it was impossible to like all angels, just like you couldn't like all humans. And maybe angels were like humans in the way that they weren't all good; there was a spectrum and a whole lotta grey area. But regardless, Dean was feeling less like the Angel Killer every day and it felt great. He'd never liked the title anyway. It always felt like a slap in the face. But now there was a distance between him and the Angel Killer. He wasn't that person. And it was all thanks to Cas.

The random boners in the morning and the heat that pooled in his belly whenever they made eye contact was also thanks to Cas.

So Dean had started going a little crazy. He needed to get out, to do something - _anything_.

"We're going out tonight," Dean had announced when they'd gotten back to his room after dinner.

Cas' eyebrows raised. "You cannot leave."

"That's why we're doing it secretly."

It had taken some convincing, but eventually Dean had gotten Cas to agree on the terms that they'd only be out for an hour or two. They'd waited until almost midnight, when pretty much everyone was asleep or at least not walking around, and then Cas poofed himself and Dean outside of a bar in Lebanon. (Sam was right, Dean had flipped when he learned they were still in fucking Kansas.) The town was pretty demon-free, so that was good, but most people around still didn't like angels, so Cas had to put a damper on his mojo so people wouldn't look at him weird.

But it was still fun. They were still enjoying themselves, sitting close together at the bar so their shoulders touched, and so Dean was able to easily sneak glances at Cas' pretty face. It really was great. Great great great. It felt like forever since he'd gone out drinking. But what wasn't great was everyone fucking flirting with Cas and Dean caring about it.

Okay, so maybe he'd lied a little bit. He did know why Cas getting hit on bothered him so much. It was because he'd like to be the one to pick Cas up and take him home, possibly fuck him over a table or something.

He laughed at himself, surprised at his fervent desire.

But seriously. He wanted to bang Cas' brains out. Or maybe have his brains banged out by Cas. But he also just wanted to kiss Cas, to spend an eternity putting his lips to every inch of Cas' body. He wanted to curl up with Cas and memorize what color blue his eyes were, to card his fingers through the angel's dark hair, and he also wanted Cas to have half his soul.

Damn, he was in deep.

He giggled at himself: _in deep_.

Like sex.

He was hilarious.

"Dean?"

He looked up and stopped giggling at the sound of his name. Cas had returned from the swinger couple, and Dean could see them hungrily watching Cas from across the bar.

"Mr. and Mrs. Caverly want to know if we would like to join them for an evening like we've never experienced before," Cas said, then looked around furtively and leaned in close to whisper in Dean's ear. Dean ignored the way his heart jumped at Cas' proximity. "I believe they're insinuating sex."

_Sex sex sex_, Dean's clouded brain chanted, but he shoved that out. He laughed. "Yeah, Cas, they're swingers." At Cas' confused expression he added, "A couple that switches partners?"

"Oh," Cas said, frowning. "I do not wish to participate."

"Me neither," Dean replied, tugging on Cas' trench coat to make him sit down next to Dean. "Did you...do they think we're a couple?"

"I told them I was here with you," Cas replied.

"They're probably thinking that we have sex," Dean said, gesturing stupidly between them. "Like you and me. In a bed. Hot and heavy and, uh..._hot_."

His throat went dry at Cas' fiery gaze. "Let them think what they wish. It does not bother me."

Dean did _not_ got butterflies in his stomach at that because that would be stupid and embarrassing. He laughed as the bartender poured them two more shots each. They took the shots quickly, and Dean grinned at the burn. He peered at Cas and wondered not for the first time if angels could get drunk. He couldn't tell in the dim lighting if Cas' cheeks were flushed, but the grin on the angel's face was easy and he was relaxed in a way he wasn't normally. Maybe angels just had a high alcohol tolerance.

"Castiel," Dean said suddenly.

Cas tilted his head to the side.

"Angel of Solitude," he continued.

Cas grinned. He recognized this as the game they'd played before Jess' bonding ritual.

"Angel of not knowing what swingers are," Cas said wryly.

Dean shook his head and leaned forward a bit. "Angel of blue eyes," he said.

Cas' face was impassive, his luminous blue eyes fixed on Dean's. Dean thought he could see a trace of what Cas truly was, the great celestial being that was sitting next to him in a dirty bar. Every now and then he was reminded that Cas was pure energy, pure power, held within a fragile body. It was in the little things: the way Cas carried himself like he had wings sticking out of his back, a casual remark that revealed his millions of years of knowledge, the way Cas could pin Dean to the ground without a hint of mojo and simply because he'd had millennia of experience in combat. And every time it took his breath away.

"And angel of trench coats," Dean continued, tugging at the lapels. "And angel of unbelievable sex hair."

An amused twinkle lit Cas' eyes, and Dean reached forward. He tangled his fingers in Cas' hair and pulled his head slightly to the side, stretching Cas' neck and showing off the deliciously tanned skin of Cas' neck. Dean suppressed the urge to lick the exposed skin there.

(New goal: kiss Cas.)

(Eventually.)

(Maybe.)

"Also angel of looking really fucking hot," Dean continued with a rough voice, wondering if he was going to cross the line anytime soon. "You've been getting stared at and checked out all night."

Cas raised his eyebrows and Dean pulled his hand out of Cas' hair. "I doubt that," Cas said.

"It's true," Dean insisted. "Every single person in this bar is just dying to kiss you."

"Really?"

Something changed in Cas' tone, and it was rougher and more serious than before. His eyes were alive like lightning, and whoa when did Cas get so close?

Dean nodded resolutely. "Every. Single. Person."

Cas hummed contemplatively under his breath. "Well, that just won't do."

_Fuck_.

That was it. That was the line. He'd crossed it and he'd fucked -

"Because there's only one person in this bar that I want to kiss."

Dean's breath caught in his throat and his blood went straight to his dick, because holy fuck did the way Cas was staring at him turn him on. He steeled himself because he was Dean fucking Winchester and straightened up, scooting forward on his stool so one of his knees was between Cas'. He gave the angel a challenging stare as arousal started to fill him up.

"So what are you waiting for?" he asked.

"Nothing," Cas growled, lunging forward and crashing their lips together.

(Goal achieved. Fuck yeah.)

It hurt a bit, their teeth knocking together slightly, and it was messy as fuck since - Dean realized - it was probably Cas' first kiss. But shit was it hot. It felt like fire and electricity. _Literally_. That same spark from when they'd held hands in Dean's room was back, causing pinpricks all along his lips and tongue every time his and Cas' mouths dragged against each other, and it was driving him crazy with desire. If he hadn't already been intoxicated, this kiss would've done it for him.

The pressure in Dean's head was building to a new height, so he had to regrettably pull away for some air. Cas' lips were red and spit slicked and his hair was even messier from Dean pulling at it. His eyes were dark and full of lust, and Dean flushed just from looking at them. And somehow, Dean thought he saw a huge pair of feathered, raven black wings stretching out from Cas' back. But he blinked and they were gone. Just his imagination.

He didn't have time to dwell on the imagined wings, because Cas was dragging him back in. One of Cas' hands gripped the back of Deans neck and the other snaked around his waist. Dean knotted his fists in Cas' trench coat and nipped at Cas' lower lip, causing a rumble deep in the angel's throat.

"Hey. _Hey_," said an annoyed voice. They reluctantly pulled apart again and turned to see the bartender glaring at them. "Listen, if you guys want to continue sucking each other's faces off, you're gonna have to do it somewhere else."

"No prob - " Dean started, but Cas was already hauling him out of the bar. Dean waggled his eyebrows at the swinger couple, who were looking turned on and scandalized at the same time.

As soon as they were outside, Cas pushed him up against the wall and Dean moaned as Cas shoved a leg between Dean's. Dean curled his fingers into Cas' hair and tugged his head to the side so he could suck at Cas' neck like he'd wanted to just moments earlier. Cas groaned and suddenly Dean felt the sensation of falling and then seconds later they were in Dean's room in the bunker.

Dean liked women. Like, he really liked women. He liked their soft skin and their breasts and their vaginas. He loved the way he could make them scream and writhe with orgasm after orgasm. But he also liked men. Women required a little romance, a little wooing, but usually with men he could get right to the chase. And it would be dirty and sweaty and awesome.

But Dean got the feeling that after tonight he'd be swearing off anyone that wasn't Cas.

Dean shoved Cas' trench coat off his shoulders to the floor and kicked his own shoes off. They grabbed and pulled at each other's clothes, stumbling across the room, moaning loudly and unabashedly. Their hands gripped and scratched at each other, rough and needy. Dean's skin felt like it was on fire wherever Cas touched him and he couldn't get enough.

They trailed clothes all the way to the bed until there was nothing left to strip off. They stood for a moment, a pause in their whirlwind storm, just staring at each other, taking everything in. Then Cas mercilessly threw Dean down onto the bed and crawled slowly over him, looking very much like a graceful predator, and Dean felt heat pool in his belly as his heart raced and a shiver thrilled up his spine.

It suddenly occurred to Dean that this was probably sacrilege or blasphemy or something in between, and most certainly a sin, but the thought was banished from his mind as Cas pressed their bodies together and began rocking against him. Dean dragged his fingers up Cas' back, feeling the muscled flesh beneath his fingers. Cas dragged his mouth away briefly to stare at Dean, a question in those deep blue eyes, and Dean gave the slightest of nods before pulling him back down.

There was no going back now, even if he wanted to.

So they spent the night chanting each other's names into the air, and for a moment Dean thought he saw those black wings again as his world exploded into stars.


	12. oh lord, heaven knows we belong way down

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**12. oh, lord, heaven knows we belong way down below**

Sam jogged out to the edge of Lebanon at five in the morning like he'd been doing every other morning since the day he'd told Ruby he would go along with the Lucifer plan. She said it was best if they meet every now and then, to check in and keep in touch until it was time to do the ritual. He walked over to the side of the building where they'd first met and caught his breath.

"Hey, Sam."

He turned, startled, to see her standing behind him. She waved and grinned. He smiled and hugged her on impulse. Ruby stiffened for a moment - demons don't do hugs - but then she relaxed and hugged him back. She was blushing a bit when they pulled back.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Me?" she replied. "Oh, you know. I've stayed busy. Doing demon things and...yeah." She played nervously with some of her long dark hair.

"You look nice," he said.

She blushed again and picked at the hem of her flannel shirt. "Thanks. Went shopping with the girls yesterday."

"Demons do that?" he asked, and his eyes were so wide that her heart skipped a beat.

She laughed. "No, I'm sorry, I was kidding."

"Oh." He grinned. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"I know it's taking time, but - " she started nervously.

He shook his head. "No, not about the plan. I'm not worried about that, I trust you."

Ruby's eyes widened and her heart skipped another beat.

"I was wondering, what else do you remember about being human?" he asked. "If that's okay. You don't have to - "

"Well, um..." She picked at her fingernails. "My human life wasn't that great. The bits I do remember aren't exactly, um, things I'd like to remember."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean - "

She shook her head. "No, it's fine. I'd be curious too, if I were you."

He smiled and glanced at his watch. "Well, I should probably be going." He smiled at her. "Make some good memories, okay? To drown out the bad ones."

Ruby stared at him for a moment, shocked into silence by his kindness. "Um, yeah. Okay. I will."

He waved and started to jog off, back toward wherever the angels were hiding. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and then dissolved into smoke, reforming in her apartment in southern LA. But she wasn't alone.

"Who's there?" she asked, reaching down to grip the handle of the knife at her hip.

"Relax, Ruby," said a high voice. A little blonde girl in a pink dress stepped out from the kitchen. "It's just me."

Ruby heaved a sigh. "Shit, Lilith, you can't scare me like that."

Lilith laughed. "Something's got you on edge." Lilith peered at her. "Or is it someone? You just got back from seeing Sam Winchester, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did," Ruby replied.

"How's that going?" Lilith asked casually as she moved barefoot around the empty apartment.

"Good," Ruby said, her gut twisting uncomfortably. "He trusts me, he trusts the plan. He doesn't suspect anything."

"Then why are you hesitating?" she asked, turning to Ruby with her hands on her hips. "You could've brought him in the minute he agreed."

Ruby shifted her weight. "I didn't...I wanted him to be able to spend time with his brother before - "

"Before we take his soul and win this godforsaken war?" Lilith giggled. "Godforsaken. Literally!" she exclaimed.

Ruby strained a smile. "Funny. But yes."

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were getting soft on me, Ruby," Lilith said, her face going stone cold. Ruby was filled with panic. "Almost like you had _feelings_ for the pathetic human. But that's not possible, right?"

"Right," Ruby said quickly, then swallowed and tried to make her voice sound normal. "Absolutely right. Humans. They're pathetic. All of them."

Lilith smiled brightly. "I'm glad we're on the same page." Then she moved so quickly Ruby barely blinked before Lilith had pushed her up against the wall. "But it seems we've reached the end of your chapter."

Ruby didn't even have time to scream before Lilith raised her palm and let out one of her explosive white blasts. Lightning coursed through Ruby's body and she saw white, and then there was nothing. The light faded and there was nothing left of Ruby except a small pile of ashes.

"Useless," Lilith sniffed, then smoked out of the apartment.

SPNSPNSPN

Dean slept in the next morning, much later than he normally would. He woke feeling tired, sore, and sated. But he also woke up alone.

He frowned as he sat up. Cas' clothes were gone from the floor and the bed was cold. A sinking feeling entered Dean's chest as he got out of bed and quickly threw some clothes on. The only evidence that last night hadn't been a dream were the bite marks, bruises, and Dean's slight difficulty with walking. He opened his door, expecting to see Cas standing across the hall, but he wasn't there. A paranoid feeling crept over him as he realized that he was alone for the first time in over a month.

He left his room and stormed through the bunker, ignoring everyone who tried to greet him. A partial thought entered his mind that maybe people had heard him and Cas last night, but he was too upset over Cas' absence to care at the moment. He was walking down a hall when he saw Uriel standing guard outside of the big meeting room.

"Where's Cas?" Dean thundered.

Uriel raised his eyebrows. "Castiel? He's not here."

"I can see that," Dean growled. "What did you do to him?" It had to be their fault. They did something to Cas to make him leave. Cas wouldn't leave him. Not willingly. Not after -

"He's been reassigned," Uriel replied. "You see, he has this weakness: he _likes_ you. So, after your little adventure last night, we took him back to Heaven to remind him of his duty."

Dean's face flamed up and Uriel laughed.

"What, you thought you could cut yourself a slice of angel food cake and nobody would notice?" he asked. "Did you think we weren't monitoring the two of you?" Uriel smiled grimly. "Perhaps we should call you the Angel Fucker instead."

He flinched but ignored the jibes. "So, what, he got too close to me so you dragged him to Bible Boot Camp?"

"Something like that."

"When will he be back?"

"He won't be."

Dean gritted his teeth and balled his fists up. "You can't - "

"Can't what?" Uriel asked, narrowing his eyes. "Can't punish one of our own for breaking the rules?"

"He's free to do what he wants," Dean growled.

"No, he is not," Uriel said firmly. "None of us are. That's what makes us angels. We follow our orders, we listen to the rules, and we do what we're told. If all of us simply _did what we wanted_, as you so naïvely suggest, there would be chaos and anarchy. We would be no better than demons. No better than _humans_."

"I thought you guys were supposed to love humanity," Dean said viciously. "More than God, even. And Lucifer said he couldn't, and that's why he was cast down. Sounds like you're treading close to that territory, Uriel."

Uriel's face hardened and he growled low. "I think you'd do best to walk away now, Angel Killer."

"Yeah, whatever," Dean snapped, turning down the hall and stalking away from Uriel. He was on his way back to his room, but he couldn't bear going in there and being reminded of everything that had happened last night. So he wandered away from his room, down past the other residents' rooms. Lisa's door was open, so he knocked on the door frame.

She was sitting at her desk reading a dusty book from the library. Ben was laying on her bed playing air guitar with his eyes closed. Dean could hear the tinny sounds of music coming from the headphones over the kid's ears. He grinned when he recognized Black Sabbath. Lisa looked up.

"Dean, good," she said beckoning. "Anna wanted to talk to you."

"Anna's here?" Dean asked, walking into the room. He leaned against the wall by her desk.

She nodded, a dark look in her eyes. "She got called in for another meeting."

"I'm sorry," Dean said, thought he wasn't sure why.

Lisa shrugged. "Anna can take care of herself."

"Why does she want to talk to me?" he asked.

"She said something about Castiel," she said, then frowned in realization. "Speaking of, where is he?"

Dean blushed as he remembered that he wasn't sure how many people knew about what happened last night. "Uh, got flown off to Heaven."

Lisa winced. "Shit."

"Yeah."

They fell silent and the only sound was the tinny music from Ben's headphones, but before Dean could come up with something else to say there was the sound of wing beats. Dean hoped for half a second that it was Cas, but it was Anna.

"Dean," Anna said urgently, turning to him. "What have they told you about Cas?"

"That they whisked him away to learn his lesson or something," Dean replied. "Said we were getting too close or something."

Anna nodded slowly, her face grim. "They separated you because you guys had started to bond."

"_What?_" Dean and Lisa chorused.

"They don't know how - nobody knows - but somehow your soul and his grace started tethering together," Anna said.

"What are they gonna do to Cas?" Dean asked. "Are they - "

"Going to kill him?" Anna interrupted.

Dean willed his heart to stop beating so laboriously and nodded.

She shook her head. "I don't believe so. Not yet, anyway. They believe separation will break the tethering that's started." She took a step forward and gripped his shoulders. "Dean, you've got to be careful. Things aren't - " She stopped, staring over his shoulder. Dean turned and saw Naomi in the doorway.

"Anael," Naomi said stiffly. "You have one week. Remember that. And hold your tongue."

"Yes, Naomi," Anna replied, barely restrained anger visible behind her dark brown eyes. "I understand."

Naomi glared at them all before leaving the room. Ben got up off the bed and walked over to Anna. Dean hadn't even realized the kid had started paying attention to what was going on.

"Are you leaving again?" Ben asked with his arms folded. He looked upset.

"I don't want to," Anna replied, kneeling down in front of him. "I want to stay with you and your mom."

Ben stared angrily at her, like her excuses weren't good enough for him. Anna smiled sadly and put a hand on his shoulder. Ben stepped forward and hugged her quickly, then let go. She stood up and took Lisa's hand, squeezing it tightly for a moment.

"I'll be back," she said with a smile. Then she turned to Dean. "Be careful. And keep an eye on Sam."

Fear flooded Dean. "On Sammy? Why - "

But she'd disappeared. Lisa put a hand on his shoulder.

"Go," she said.

Dean nodded gratefully at her and then ran down the hall toward Sam's room. He pounded on the door and after a moment Sam opened it.

"Hey, what's up?" Sam asked, an easy smile on his face. "Didn't see you at breakfast."

Dean almost collapsed with relief at the sight of his brother. "Slept in," he said casually in explanation.

"Yeah, you didn't get much sleep last night, did you?" Sam asked wryly, a slightly annoyed expression on his face as he stepped aside so Dean could come in to the room.

His face flamed red and Sam laughed, shutting the door. He tried to come up with something to say, but couldn't. He was just glad that Sammy was alive and laughing. Sammy was most important.

"So was it Lisa?" Sam asked.

Dean blinked. "What?"

"Lisa," Sam said. "Last night? I thought - unless...?" Sam's face was clouded with confusion. "Then who was it? You haven't been able to leave and pick anyone up."

"You, uh, didn't hear?" Dean asked awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. He didn't want to have this conversation. He didn't want to tell his brother about his sexual escapades with an angel. Part of him wished he'd gone along and let Sam think it was Lisa, but he couldn't do that to Lisa.

Sam made a disgusted face. "No I didn't _hear_. As soon as I knew what you were doing I got out of here," he said. "I slept in the library."

"Sorry about that," Dean said, frowning.

Sam shrugged. "It's fine. Wait." He frowned, looking around. "Where's Cas?"

Dean blushed at the mention Cas and Sam's eyes widened.

"Wait, you didn't..." he said, a positively horrified look on his face.

The elder Winchester shifted on his feet. "Well, uh - "

"_You had sex with Castiel!_" Sam hissed, looking stricken.

"Jeez, Sammy, don't be such a girl," Dean snapped, feeling annoyed and embarrassed and uncomfortable. He wished Cas was here. On second thought, it was probably best that Cas wasn't present for this conversation.

"My brother defiled an Angel of the Lord," Sam said in amazement, sounding defeated as he turned to take a few steps.

"Oh, well, trust me, he did most of the defiling," Dean replied with a grin, rubbing his jaw with his thumb.

Sam put his hands in the air. "I do _not_ want to know," he declared. "That is _so_ - wait. Is that why Cas is gone?"

Dean pursed his lips and nodded. "Got dragged back upstairs, I guess. I woke up and he was gone."

"The opposite of what you're used to, huh?"

"What?"

Sam shifted. "I just mean...well, that's your M.O., right? Love 'em and leave 'em?"

"God, Sammy, that's - this - Cas is - " Dean stammered, not knowing how to answer. Because yeah, that's usually what he would do. On occasion he'd go back for seconds, maybe spend a couple days with him or her before skipping out, but this wasn't that. Dean wanted...

Well, he wasn't sure what he wanted, what he thought was gonna happen. He wanted Cas to be there when he woke up this morning. He wanted to kiss Cas again, to run his fingers through that dark hair, to feel Cas' muscled body against his. But he also wanted to just _be _with Cas. He wanted to talk to him, to make jokes about angels again, to read Vonnegut novels to him.

Dean inhaled sharply with realization and Sam's eyebrows raised.

"Is Cas..._different?_" Sam asked, a shit-eating grin starting to form on his face. "Do you have _feelings_ for him? Are you in - "

"Nice talk, Sammy, real pick-me-up," Dean said irritably as he turned away, heart racing from confusion and unfamiliar territory.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Sam said, but when Dean glanced over his shoulder Sam was still grinning. "When is Cas going to come back?"

Dean shook his head and his chest suddenly felt heavy. "I have no fuckin' clue."

Sam nodded sympathetically. "I'm sorry, man. And I'm happy for you."

Dean just shook his head and flipped him off as he went to leave the room. He heard Sam sniggering as he closed the door and rolled his eyes. He went next door to his room and paused with his hand over the doorknob, then took a breath and went inside. It felt empty without Cas. _He_ felt empty without Cas. He hated it.

He walked over to the unmade bed and was about to sit on the edge when something on the headboard caught his attention. It was a dent shaped like a thumb and palm. He grinned and reached out, tracing his fingers along it. The dent continued on the other side of the headboard: four fingers digging in to the wood. He laughed out his nose and pulled his hand back from the dent just as a wild thought occurred to him.

Insecurity flowed through his veins as he put his hands together and bent his head in prayer for the first time in his life.

"Um, Cas?" he asked, but his voice cracked. So he cleared his throat. "Castiel. Angel of Solitude. Yeah, um...sorry, I've never done this before. I hope this reaches you. Anyway, uh, I'm sorry about all this. I'm not sorry about what happened, though, because that...well, you were there." He chuckled to himself as memories of last night came back to him. "I hope they're not doing anything awful to you up there. Cause, uh...fuck, I just want you here."

His eyes burned and he told himself he would not fucking cry, but one tear betrayed him and slipped down his cheek.

"I, uh...I - " But he didn't want to say it in a prayer. So he said something else. "I need you, man." A weight lifted off his chest and he sighed. "Um...amen?" he said as he opened his eyes.

Part of him expected to hear wing beats, to see Cas materialize in front of him. But there was nothing. Just him alone in his room. So he laid back on his bed and closed his eyes, trying to focus on anything other than how miserable he was feeling. And then, so softly he might not have noticed it, invisible feathers brushed along the side of his face and a voice breathed in his ear, "_Dean_," and he felt a little less lonely.


	13. call me the devil's advocate

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**13. if you wanna call me the devil's advocate well you don't know the half of it**

Dean slept fitfully that night. He tossed and turned all night as his mind slipped in and out of dark dreams filled with black feathers and snippets of conversations from disembodied voices. His chest was tight with worry and his head felt like it was about to explode. Tears burned in his eyes and he woke up screaming and covered in sweat.

"Fuck," Dean breathed, because he couldn't believe what he'd just dreamed.

Detached words, strung along in an ominous pattern: _"...-chael plan...interference...Sam Winches-...path of...-ael's mission...kill him...necessary..."_

He wasn't sure what it meant, but he sure as hell didn't like to hear his brother's name and the word "kill him" so close together. He clutched at his heart, willing it to slow down so he could think straight and form a plan. He could go to the angels and demand an answer, but they probably wouldn't give him one. The hunters wouldn't know anything about the angels' plans. He could go to his mom, but she might not know anything either, especially if it involved something bad happening to Sammy.

Then he remembered that he knew someone who suffered from awful dreams.

Dean threw himself out of bed and hastily put some clothes. He crept next door and slowly opened the door, breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of Sam's sleeping figure, before going down the hall and knocking on Chuck's door.

The prophet opened the door and greeted him with a yawn and a cup of coffee.

"Uh, thanks?" Dean said, taking the coffee as Chuck let him into the room. He glanced at the clock and saw it was a little before five in the morning. A pang of guilt hit his chest for waking Chuck up so early.

"I knew you were coming," Chuck replied tiredly, picking his own cup of coffee up off the table. "What's up?"

"Shouldn't you know that too?" Dean asked.

Chuck shrugged. "I know you had a nightmare. That's about it though."

"Yeah, I had a nightmare," Dean said, shaking his head. "It was weird. I heard some voices, but I could only catch bits of what they were saying. And what I did catch was something to do with my brother, the Michael plan, and killing someone."

Chuck's eyes widened. "Wait, you heard all that in your dream?"

Dean nodded warily. "Yeah. Like I said, it was fuzzy. Like a radio station that's almost on the right frequency but not quite."

"That's exactly what it was," Chuck muttered. "Dude, you tapped in to angel radio somehow."

"I _what?!_" Dean spluttered. "How is that even possible?"

"It shouldn't be," Chuck replied. "Humans don't have the hardware. Well, except me." Chuck shook his head. "Is this the first time it's happened?"

"Yeah," Dean said. "What does it mean?"

"It means you somehow got ahold of some angel grace," Chuck said. "That's the only explanation I can come up with. You got just enough mojo to tap into the frequency, but not enough to get the whole story."

"Huh. Makes sense," Dean said.

Chuck frowned, looking over Dean's shoulder. "You ditch your body guard? Thought you'd be inseparable after what happened." Chuck grimaced and Dean suddenly flushed with the knowledge that either Chuck heard them or had a vision about it. He wasn't sure which one was worse. He tried to shake the thought off.

"Cas got - " He froze.

"Dean, what?" Chuck asked.

"Do bonded humans get angel radio?" he asked, body thrumming with the adrenaline of realization.

Chuck frowned. "No, why?"

"Cas got sent back to Heaven because we started to bond," Dean blurted.

"That...that shouldn't even be possible," Chuck said, his face twisted with confusion. "You don't know the ritual, and you couldn't have done it on accident...and there's no _starting_ to bond, only bonded and not."

Dean shrugged. "They just said my soul and his grace had, uh, started tethering together or something."

Chuck frowned. "I have never heard of anything like that. But I guess your weird semi-bond might have given you enough juice to hear bits and pieces."

"You get angel radio too, right?" Dean asked. "So did you hear the same conversation? Do you know what it means? About Sam?"

Chuck shook his head. "No, that was a private frequency. I only get the main one."

"Okay, but you see the future and stuff," Dean said desperately. "And I know I said I wouldn't ask you, but..." He took a breath and tried to stop his hands from shaking. "Does my brother get killed?"

Chuck's face became like stone. "Dean - "

"Chuck, buddy, you gotta help me out," Dean begged, setting his coffee down on Chuck's desk. "I swear I'll never ask anything of you again. But he's my little brother," he said, voice cracking. "I've spent my entire life looking out for him, protecting him. I _have_ to know."

"I can't - "

"You've seen the future!" Dean exclaimed, hysteria creeping into his voice. "So you know if you tell me or not!"

"No, I don't," Chuck snapped, his eyes flashing as he put his coffee down. "I don't get visions of things that involve me. That would influence my actions and decisions. That's why the angels keep me out of stuff as much as possible, so I can get more visions. Most of the future isn't set in stone, Dean. The big things are, but other stuff - how we get to the big things - are still up in the air. That's why I get most of my visions as they happen or right before."

"But you know, don't you?" Dean asked. "You've gotta know what happens to Sam. He's the brother of the Michael Sword, that's gotta be a big thing if he gets killed." Dean's eyes filled with tears. "Come on, Chuck, you can't do this to me. Sam's the most important thing I've got."

Chuck huffed out a breath and paced in a circle, rubbing his scruffy beard in thought. He paused and met Dean's eyes. "Sam will die," he said slowly.

Dean felt like his heart was about to be ripped to pieces, but then he stopped, remembering something his father warned him about fake psychics.

"We all die sometime, buddy, that's not gonna fly," Dean said tersely. "Is Sammy gonna be killed in this stupid war?"

Chuck closed his eyes and hunched his shoulders, looking weary. "Yes," he said after a moment.

Dean took a step back as if he'd been dealt a blow. No. No, it couldn't - that couldn't happen. Sammy couldn't -

"By you."

Dean fell to his knees as his entire body went cold. He couldn't breath. That couldn't be true. It just couldn't. He would never - he was supposed to protect - why would he -

"The future's not set in stone," Dean mumbled, staring out into nothing. "Things could - "

"Sorry, Dean, that's one of the big things," Chuck said quietly.

Dean slammed his fist down on the concrete floor. He let out a monstrous shout and then got up and stormed out of Chuck's room. He walked the maze of halls until he reached his mother's room. He pounded angrily on the door until she opened it, looking tired and rumpled and concerned.

"Dean?" she asked, eyebrows pushed together. "What's - "

"Did you know?!" he thundered.

"Know about what?" she asked, alarmed.

"_Did you know about Sam?!_" he roared. "_Did you know that I'm supposed to kill him?!_"

Her eyes widened with shock and her face paled. "You - Sam - _what _- "

"Yeah, I just talked to Chuck," Dean spat. "Apparently it's written that I'm gonna kill Sam. Was this all a part of the plan? Huh? Give the kid a few weeks with his mother before his brother fucking murders him?"

"No, I - I didn't know, I wouldn't - " Her voice shook and tears welled in her eyes, then she straightened up and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and then snapped her eyes open. She was in warrior mode. "Naomi!" she barked. "Zachariah! Uriel!"

Two seconds later Naomi and Zachariah appeared in the hall, looking pissed beyond belief.

"I know you've been listening," Mary snarled. "Is it true?"

"Yes," Naomi said, then glared at Dean. "How did you - "

"Tuned in to your station," Dean replied with a nasty grin, tapping his temple.

"That's impossible," Naomi hissed as Dean shrugged.

"Why the _fuck_ didn't you tell me this ahead of time?" Mary snarled.

"We were hoping it wouldn't come to fruition," Zachariah said, then turned to Dean. "Just as you are destined to bond with Michael, you brother is...he is destined to bond with Lucifer."

"The Devil?" Mary and Dean chorused.

Naomi nodded. "Yes. You are the Michael Sword and he is the Lucifer Shield. It is written that Michael and Lucifer will have their final battle and one of them will win. If Michael and Dean win, which is what must happen, then Sam dies with Lucifer if he isn't dead already from the battle."

"Our plan was to prevent Sam from bonding with Lucifer," Zachariah explained. "This is why the plan was to bond Michael to Dean and kill Lucifer as soon as possible without even having to divulge what was supposed to happen. And we would have succeeded if it weren't for some _complications_." He glared at Dean.

"So, will you bond with Michael?" Naomi asked.

"Can you guarantee Sam's safety?" Dean countered.

"No, we cannot," Zachariah fumed. "But he has a better chance if you act before he is bonded to Lucifer."

"Wait, you make that sound like he's for sure gonna bond with Lucifer," Dean said. "What exactly was your plan to prevent that?"

"Well, we were hoping you brother would be smart enough to say no to bonding with Satan," Naomi replied dryly.

Dean narrowed his eyes. "There's a "but" there, isn't there?"

Naomi shifted uncomfortably and Zachariah answered. "But he seems to have encountered a demon who has convinced him that bonding to Lucifer will end the war peacefully."

"_What?!_" Mary shouted. "This is what I have been telling you the whole time: ignorance breeds danger. You should've told Sam - "

"Why didn't you step in when you knew the demon met with him?" Dean interrupted.

Naomi and Zachariah glanced at each other nervously.

"We had a...another plan in place," Naomi replied diplomatically.

Dean was about to shout again when another piece of the puzzle slotted into his mind. The words _"-ael's mission"_ that he'd dreamed, Anna's secret mission, her warning to keep an eye on Sam -

Without another word Dean turned tail and ran back toward his and Sam's rooms. He flung the door open, shouting Sam's name, but the room was empty.

SPNSPNSPN

Sam stretched his arms above his head as his 5 o'clock alarm went off: time for his morning run. He got up quickly and put his running clothes on, then went out of his room and into the quiet of the bunker. The sun was just beginning to rise as he set off on his jog around the perimeter of the bunker. The grounds had really gone to waste after the Men of Letters had disbanded. Part of him wanted to bring it all back to life, but he guessed that would defeat the purpose of having a secret bunker. Sam was just passing the remnants of an old garden when a little girl in a pink dress materialized from smoke right in front of him.

He let out a shout of alarm and jumped back, drawing the knife he'd finally remembered to bring with him.

The little girl frowned and raised her hand. With a flick of her wrist the knife blade broke into pieces.

"That's not very nice, Sam," she said with a pout. "Ruby said you were nice."

"R-Ruby?" Sam repeated, bewildered. "You know Ruby?"

"Yeah!" she exclaimed. "We work together. She's busy right now so she sent me to tell you it's time."

Sam's heart dropped out of his chest. "It's...it's time?" he said. "Are you sure?"

"Absotively posilutely!" she said cheerily. "Sorry for the short notice."

"Can I, uh, say goodbye to my brother first?" Sam asked.

She shook her head. "No, sorry. There's no time. And he wouldn't understand," she replied. "Besides, you'll see him again after all this is over!"

Sam nodded slowly, his insides churning with nerves. Then he sighed. "Okay, I guess we can go."

"Hooray!" she exclaimed, then ran forward and hugged him around the waist. Before Sam could react, they were dissolving into smoke.

SPNSPNSPN

"Where the hell did he go?!" Dean shouted as Mary, Naomi, and Zachariah approached.

"Sam usually goes for a run every morning," Mary replied. "He should be back - "

Uriel appeared suddenly after a flutter of wings. He looked angry beyond belief. His entire face hardened. "Sam Winchester has gone with Lilith," he said.

Dean almost fell to his knees again. His head was spinning. _Lilith _- Lucifer's first demon. How could Sam have been so ignorant?!

He shook his head. This wasn't Sam's fault. This was the angels' fault for keeping them all in the dark. This was Dean's fault for not keeping a closer eye on him. This was the demons' fault for manipulating him. Sam was good, too good, and they were taking advantage of that goodness. They were preying on Sam's pure heart and desire for peace.

His fingers itched and he wanted to chop something's head off.

"Go stop them!" Mary shouted.

"They're already gone," Uriel replied stiffly. "There's nothing we can do other than proceed with the Michael plan."

"Fuck no," Dean snapped. "There's no way I'm going to bond with Michael and kill my brother. I'll fight in the battle, but I am not going along with your stupid fucking plan."

Uriel growled and before he could react, Dean was held up against the wall and Uriel had his hand fastened around Dean's throat.

"You insolent little - " Uriel started, hand slowly constricting, but he stopped when the tip of a knife touched his neck..

"Step away from my son," Mary growled, her voice low and dangerous.

Uriel released Dean and took a step back. Mary stood in a defensive stance, waiting, and then Uriel drew his sword and darted forward. Naomi and Zachariah took the opportunity to grab Dean by both his arms. Dean struggled against their grip and slammed his foot down on Zachariah's and head-butted Naomi. They staggered but didn't let go, and Dean watched helplessly as Uriel attacked his mother.

People started to stick their heads out their bedroom doors, alerted by the commotion. They stared in shock as their leaders fought, not sure who was in the right and who was in the wrong.

Mary cried out as Uriel's blade slashed across her arm. She stumbled back a bit and Uriel dove back in, but there was a sound of wing beats and Ezekiel appeared, blocking what was probably going to be Uriel's final blow.

"Ezekiel," Uriel growled. "You don't want to do this."

"And you don't want to attack my hunter," Ezekiel replied, shoving Uriel away from him. He took a second to draw his blade and then attacked - with Mary right beside him.

Dean let out a whoop just as Naomi and Zachariah poofed him down to the dungeon where he was tied when he first woke up here.

"What are you doing?" Dean asked, struggling as they forced him down into a chair.

"You are going to say yes," Naomi told him, a crazed look in her grey eyes.

"Just keep telling yourself that," Dean growled.

"Shut up, Angel Killer," Zachariah snapped, drawing his sword. He slashed angrily across Dean's chest and Dean cried out in pain.

"This is your brilliant plan?" Dean grunted. "Torture me till I say yes?"

"It's dirty but it'll work," Naomi replied, then smiled as Zachariah ran the tip of his angel blade down Dean's cheek. Dean gritted his teeth and held in the screams that were trying to crawl out of his throat.

"So this is what God has commanded?" Dean asked, eyes glinting with defiance. "This is your holy mission?"

"God is dead," Zachariah snapped. "He left long ago and he isn't coming back. We're running the show now."

He carved along Dean's chest, slicing up Dean's shirt as he went along. Dean twisted his head, trying to resist the urge to scream. A pang squeezed his heart, and then again. He felt pain that wasn't his, emotional pain. Like someone was hurting for him. Another pang ran across his heart, then there was a pair of wing beats, and then -

"Put the blade down, Zachariah," Castiel thundered.

Dean's insides went to jelly and he wanted to cry with relief. Cas looked harrowed and tired but filled with holy rage. Beside him was Anna, her red hair shining darkly in the dim light, and she twisted and drew her sword as Naomi attacked her.

Castiel waved his hand and broke the restraints on Dean as he dodged an attack from Zachariah. Dean got up with a grunt and almost fell back into the chair, clutching the bleeding wounds on his chest. Anna clocked Naomi in the head and she fell unconscious to the ground. Zachariah charged at Cas, hand outstretched with the intention to smite, but Anna grabbed his arm and spun him around, digging her blade into his stomach.

"For humanity," she hissed, then thrust her blade all the way in. Zachariah's body glowed with bright white light, and then Anna shoved him to the floor. Scorch marks from Zachariah's invisible wings appeared on the ground. Before, the sight of burned wings gave Dean a high like no other, but right now he just wanted to puke.

Anna grabbed Dean's arm. "Give him your all. You've gotta give him your all, okay?"

"O-Okay," Dean stammered, but she had no idea what she was talking about.

"Anna - " Cas started.

"Take Dean and go. Blow the horn, Castiel," she said hurriedly. "I have to find Lisa and Ben. _Go,_ Cas, go!" she shouted.

Then she disappeared, leaving nothing but the sound of flapping wings. Cas turned to Dean and raised his hand, presumably to heal his wounds, but Dean took his hand and pulled him in, slotting their mouths together. Cas sighed into his mouth and Dean felt the sparks again as his heart tightened and swelled at the same time.

"Are you - did they - " Dean babbled as he pulled away.

"I'm fine, Dean. They had me imprisoned, but Anna rescued me," Cas said.

"Cas, Sammy's been - they took - he - " Dean's eyes burned and he shook his head. He hated feeling weak like this, like he was powerless and couldn't do anything.

Naomi stirred on the floor and Cas locked his hand around Dean's wrist.

"I know, Dean, and I am so sorry," Cas said, his eyes dark and sad. "But we can't stay here."

"Where can we go?" he asked. "What did Anna mean?"

"I'm not sure," Cas replied, frowning. "I don't know what she means by "give him your all," but "blow the horn" could be a reference to Gabriel's Horn."

"Gabriel?" Dean said. "The archangel? Angel of Dreams?"

"Yes," Cas said. "But the Horn is in Heaven's Armory, and I certainly don't have access to it after what's happened. And all that blowing it would do is announce Judgment Day."

"Maybe Anna wants us to find Gabriel," Dean suggested. "Maybe he's one of the good guys."

Castiel shook his head. "No, Gabriel died long ago in the early years of humanity, before I was created."

"Are there any temples or shrines dedicated to him?" Dean asked. "Maybe we're supposed to meet her at one."

"Perhaps," Cas said contemplatively. He held his hand out. "There's an abandoned one in northern Egypt."

Dean met his eyes, so wide and blue, and wanted nothing more than to kiss him. His heart panged and he felt waves of sadness and affection wash over him, and suddenly he understood what Lisa had meant when she said she could feel Anna's emotions. Right now he was feeling Cas'.

He took Cas' hand and locked their fingers together. "Let's go."

* * *

_Gabriel_: According to the angel website


	14. what i need is something to save me

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**1****4. what i need is something to save me cause god i'm goin' down**

After a few moments of falling, Dean and Cas reappeared in front of a dilapidated church in the middle of nowhere.

"_This_ is the place?" Dean asked, raising his eyebrows, not releasing Cas' hand as they walked into the church.

The church didn't even have doors. As they walked inside it looked like it had been set on fire at one point. Many of the pews were burned and part of the roof had caved in, leaving rubble on the floor that they had to walk around. All the windows were smashed and only some had any glass left in them. Anything of value had been pillaged long ago so the church looked empty and bare.

"This is it," Cas confirmed, then nodded at the mural painted on the wall at the end of the church where the altar was. It depicted a dark-haired man wrapped in robes holding a long horn up to his lips. Three pairs of large golden wings flared out from his back.

Dean sighed and sat down on a pew at the front of the church and pulled Cas down next to him. With Cas pressed against his side the situation felt like it could be handled. Cas' presence made him feel less out of control, but it didn't ease the anxiety brewing in Dean's mind as he imagined Sam going through the same torture as Jess.

"Cas, I feel like I'm drowning," Dean mumbled.

Cas frowned and tightened his hand around Dean's. "I don't know how to swim."

Dean shook his head and chuckled. "No, that's not - it's a simile. I just mean I'm overwhelmed."

"I know, I can feel it," Cas replied.

"Because of our semi-bond?" Dean asked.

"I believe so."

Dean thought for a moment about the night they were discussing bonds and whether or not Cas would ever want to bond with a hunter.

"How about we make it a full bond?" he whispered.

Cas stiffened, then turned his head to stare at him. "What?"

"I mean - " Dean pursed his lips, struggling to find the words. "We're already partway there, and I don't wanna bond with anybody else, but if you don't that's - "

Cas interrupted him with a quick kiss, then put his forehead against Dean's. "I want to, Dean, more than anything else. I just don't know how."

"We can figure it out," Dean said. "We can ask other angels or - " He stopped.

"Dean?" Cas said, moving his head away. "What is it?"

"Anna told me "give him your all." Do you think...?"

"Possibly," Cas mused.

"We could try it," Dean suggested.

"How?"

Dean thought for a moment and then stood up. Cas followed suit. He turned to him and raised his eyebrows in question.

"That arm-grabbing thing, is that like an angel greeting?" he asked.

"Yes," Cas replied. "It creates a path for energy to flow between us. The brief sharing of energy aids camaraderie."

"Okay, so let's do that," Dean said, "and say, uh..."I give you all" or something. But both of us. That way it's not just me giving and you taking. It's equal."

Cas smiled. "I like that."

"Cool, so..." Dean reached out with his right hand and grabbed Cas' upper left arm. His heart was pounding and he felt really nervous. They'd already had sex - mind-blowingly amazing, super-intense sex - so why should this feel like such a big deal? But for whatever reason, this felt really intimate. He was about to give half of his soul to Cas. His fucking _soul_.

Cas reached out and put his hand on Dean's arm, locking his eyes on to Dean's. After a moment, Dean could feel what Cas was talking about. He could feel energy flowing in from Cas' hand and out his arm into Cas' body. He swallowed tightly.

"Is something wrong?" Cas asked, his voice soft.

Dean shook his head. "No, it's - I mean, this feels really big," he said. "Like life-altering big. More than just a bond, you know?"

"You have already altered my life, Dean Winchester," Cas replied, and something about that statement made Dean flush. "But I know what you mean. Are you ready? Or do you not - "

"No, I want to," Dean interrupted, hand tightening around Cas' arm. "I really want to. I..." He steeled himself. "I give you all."

He felt a pulse of energy leave his palm and circulate through them. Cas shivered and Dean could feel goose bumps rise on his arms as the tiny hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

Cas opened his mouth, then closed it. He smiled and tried again, but when he spoke it wasn't English. It was some strange, foreign language with a lilting feel and vowels in the back of the throat. Enochian, Dean realized.

When Cas finished speaking, a pulse left Cas' palm and joined the energy circulating through them.

But nothing else happened.

Cas frowned and Dean thought wildly. They'd made the offer, putting their souls on the line. Maybe now they had to accept or decline the offer.

"I, uh...take half. I take only half," he said.

Understanding washed over Cas' face and he spoke the words in Enochian.

Suddenly Cas' palm started to heat up on Dean's arm, and Dean could feel his hand heating up as well. Then his whole body started to feel like it was on fire and the places where they were holding each other started to glow with white light. He felt like his body was being hollowed out and filled up at the same time. His heart was stretching almost, and he could feel the very edges of his frayed soul. It was painful, but it also felt good. He felt almost rejuvenated as half of his soul went to Cas and half of Cas' grace came to him.

The light disappeared as immediately as it had appeared. Dean sucked in a breath when he looked up and saw huge wings folded up behind Cas' back. He could tell that he'd made a mistake when he saw them in the dim lighting of the bar: they weren't black, they were midnight blue. They rustled slightly as Cas gave him a concerned look.

"Dean?" he said.

"Your wings," Dean breathed.

"You can _see_ them?" Cas asked, surprised.

"Oh yeah," Dean replied, nodding furiously. He couldn't take his eyes off of them. "Could you..."

"I suppose," Cas mumbled, a blush rising to his cheeks as he unfolded his wings. They were huge, inky, and dark: the color of the night sky just before the sun dips out of existence. They were too big to expand fully in the church, but Dean could get the picture.

"Can I, um, touch them?" Dean whispered.

Cas blushed even deeper and nodded after a moment. Dean suddenly got the impression that perhaps touching an angel's wings was intimate, and he thought back to when he thought maybe touching angels was taboo. He pulled his hand off of Cas' arm and then gasped when he saw that his hand had burned through Cas' clothes and left an angry red welt in the shape of his hand.

"Your arm," he said, feeling the circular energy leave him as Cas removed his hand.

"Your too," Cas said, and Dean turned his arm and saw a red handprint.

"Cas, is this normal?" he asked.

"I don't think anything about us is normal," Cas said with amusement as he raised his hand and repaired their clothes.

Then he angled one of his wings towards Dean, the blush rising in his cheeks again, and Dean slowly reached out and stroked a finger down one feather. Cas shivered a bit, his eyes wide. Dean then dragged one hand gently through the feathers and Cas let out a small whine. Dean wondered if wing-touching was _sensual_ to angels, and maybe that was why Cas was embarrassed. He grinned and reached out to stroke them again -

"Well this is awkward," said a voice.

Dean jumped away and Cas immediately folded his wings up and somehow made them disappear, much to Dean's disappointment. They turned and saw a short man in a button up shirt, jeans, and a green jacket leaning against the wall with the mural of Gabriel. He grinned at them.

"Did I interrupt an intimate moment?" he asked. "Should I have called ahead?"

Dean stepped closer to Cas. "Who is this guy?" he whispered, but Cas just shook his head, eyes wide.

"You must be the rebellious baby brother that I've heard so much about," the man said to Cas. "Look at you, all grown up and getting bonded to the Michael Sword."

"Gabriel," Cas breathed. "But you - you're supposed to be - "

"What, dead?" the man - Gabriel - snorted. "Yeah, that's what I was aiming for with the whole _faking my death_ thing."

"But how - "

"Got sick of playing family feud 24/7, so I booked it down here and reinvented myself as Loki the Trickster God," Gabriel said with an arrogant smile. "Angels never paid attention to the Pagans - since they're sooo beneath us - so I figured I'd escape notice. Think of it as witness protection."

Cas just stared at him in amazement, and Dean could feel a weird combination of star struck and bewilderment coming off of Cas. Then he remembered that archangels were basically like princes and almost like rock stars in the angel world. Cas was meeting a celebrity. One that was supposed to be dead, nonetheless.

"So how did Anna know to send us here?" Dean asked, since Cas had apparently lost his voice.

"Funny story! I was spending some time in Vegas a few decades ago and ended up attending a couple of weddings," Gabriel said. "Anael was at a reception, being Angel of Marriage and all that. I got drunk and accidentally hit on her and she recognized me. Now she's roped me into helping out with her angel rebellion thing."

"Angel rebellion?" Cas asked, having discovered words again.

"Oh yeah," Gabriel said, raising his eyebrows. "You and Dean-o here have ripped out the script and burned the pages. You've done everything you weren't supposed to do. And dear Anna has always had trouble following the rules. So now we have a rebellion. We're going to stop the apocalypse." Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"The apocalypse?" Dean repeated.

"Michael and Lucifer going toe to toe," Gabriel replied. "What, you think a battle that big isn't going to leave a mark? Sure they may start the fight in their human forms, but once they get mad enough - " He made an explosive sound.

"I..." He'd never thought about it. But he knew what happened to people who viewed angels in their true forms.

"Yeah, well, we'd better go. But first - " Gabriel strode over to them and put his hand on Dean's chest, then pushed slightly and Dean suddenly felt like he'd been punched in the ribs.

"What the hell was that?" he asked angrily.

"I just angel-proofed you," Gabriel replied. At Dean's exasperated expression, he added, "I carved Enochian sigils on your ribs. Now no angels can find you unless you pray to them. Except Cas, of course."

"Of course," Dean said, frowning as he rubbed his chest. He felt waves of jealousy coming from Cas so he turned to him. "What?"

Cas was frowning deeply. He put his hand on Dean's chest and pushed, and only one of Dean's lower right ribs hurt.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Nothing," Cas replied evasively.

Dean stared at him. "Did you...did you put your _name_ - "

"Right, well, now that that's sorted out, let's go!" Gabriel said cheerfully, grabbing Dean and Cas and then poofing them out of the church.

They reappeared moments later in a strange living room that looked an awful lot like a living room in a porno Dean's watched.

"Welcome to Casa de Gabriel," Gabriel announced, gesturing sarcastically around. "We're technically inside a TV show right now, so nobody should find us here."

"Dean!"

He turned at the sound of his name to see his mother standing in the kitchen. Ezekiel was sitting on a counter holding a carton of eggs and frowning at them. Mary rushed to Dean and hugged him tightly.

"Are you okay? Did you get hurt?" Dean asked worriedly, releasing her and searching her face for any pain.

"No, no, I'm fine," Mary replied with a smile. "Anael - _Anna_ backed us up and Uriel ran away. She told us where to go."

"I'm sorry about all this," Dean said.

Mary waved a dismissive hand and went back into the kitchen. "It's not your fault, Dean. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"This is not your fault either, Mary," Ezekiel said in his deep, powerful voice. "Fault here lies with the angels, for we have been blinded by our faith and manipulated."

Cas and Dean looked at each other, suddenly reminded of one of their first conversations: _Haven't you ever heard that blind faith is dangerous?...If you don't question stuff that feels wrong, then people are going to take advantage of that._

Mary smiled at her angel. "Thanks, Zeke. Now hand me two eggs."

Ezekiel frowned down at the eggs again and then carefully plucked two of them out of the carton and put them gingerly in Mary's extended hand. She cracked them against the edge of her bowl and dropped the contents inside.

"What are you making?" Dean asked.

"Cookies," Mary replied simply. "Cookies make everything better."

His heart constricted as an unbidden memory from his early childhood came back to him: his mom making cookies after he'd scraped his knee. He envisioned a life where she hadn't faked her death, where she would have make him cookies when his first girlfriend broke up with him, or would throw a party to celebrate graduating high school. He imagined a mother who drove a minivan and scolded him for getting into fights. A mother who helped Sam study, who taught them how to be nice to girls (and guys, whatever), who cheered at Sam's band concerts and Dean's water polo meets -

He was startled when Cas took his hand and realized that Cas must be feeling Dean's painful emotions right now. Sympathy poured out of Cas and Dean smiled at him, squeezing Cas' hand briefly before Cas let go.

"Dean, is that - "

Anna entered the living room from a hall of the living room and stopped, staring at them with wide eyes. "Whoa."

Dean wondered if she had seen them holding hands, but then she continued.

"Your _bond_, it's - Ezekiel, come look at this," Anna said, beckoning him over.

Ezekiel carefully set the eggs down before hopping off the counter and walking closer. He frowned at them and then raised his eyebrows. "That is very peculiar."

"What? What is it?" Dean asked.

"Well, Cas has half of your soul. That's normal," Anna said.

"But Dean has half of Castiel's grace," Ezekiel continued. "That is _not_ normal."

"Dean and I do share a more profound bond," Cas said, smiling at Dean, and Dean got the feeling wasn't just talking about the _bond _bond.

Gabriel peered at them. "Huh. That is weird."

"Are you bonded?" Dean asked.

Gabriel snorted. "Me, bonded? Nope, not into that. Unless you're talking bondage. That I'm _very_ into." He waggled his eyebrows and Dean gagged.

"How did you do the ritual?" Anna asked, putting her hands on her hips. She seemed almost mad.

"Um, we...uh- "

But thankfully some wing beats interrupted them and Dean didn't have to explain. Balthazar suddenly appeared in the living room.

"Bal!" Gabriel said happily going over and slapping Balthazar on the back. "How are things on the home front?"

"Chaotic," Balthazar replied, shaking his head. "You lot have certainly shaken things up."

"Balthazar?" Ezekiel said questioningly.

Gabriel grinned. "He's our double agent!" he declared happily.

Balthazar winced. "Sorry, Ezekiel."

The Angel of Strength just shook his head, looking like he didn't know what to believe anymore, and retreated back into the kitchen to help Mary with the cookies. Dean held in a laugh as he watched Ezekiel obediently stir the cookie dough with the concentration of a heart surgeon.

"I told Balthazar about Gabriel shortly after I discovered him," Anna explained. "The three of us started this."

Gabriel coughed and Anna rolled her eyes.

"Okay, _I_ started this and roped them into it," she amended.

"Are there more angels on our side?" Dean asked.

"A couple," Anna answered. "More would be, if they knew what's really going on, but for everyone's safety they're being kept in the dark."

"Ignorance breeds danger," Mary said quietly as she plopped dough on a cookie sheet.

Balthazar inclined his head respectfully. "Yes, but in this case they are safer where they are under the angel's protection."

"Does Jo know?" Dean asked.

Balthazar flinched at the sound of her name and he looked sadly at Dean. "No, she doesn't."

Dean nodded and said nothing more.

"What's happened?" Lisa asked as she came into the living room, standing next to Anna.

"How's Ben?" Anna asked in an undertone.

"Sleeping, finally," Lisa replied.

Anna took Lisa's hand and squeezed it lightly and then let go.

Dean looked at a clock and started when he saw that it was only six thirty in the morning. It felt like a lifetime since he'd woken up from the nightmare and confronted Chuck.

"Well you have all been marked as traitors," Balthazar said. "Anna, Cas, and Ezekiel have been cut off from the Host. As of now, you are fallen."

Dean glanced at Ezekiel, who looked absolutely destroyed. Dean remembered that Ezekiel was the best warrior, the best soldier, second only to the archangels. He probably never imagined this happening to him. Mary put a hand on Ezekiel's arm and he looked up, smiling faintly at her.

"Zachariah is dead," Balthazar continued. Anna stood up straighter, and something like pride shone in her eyes. "Uriel was injured pretty badly, but he's healed now. Naomi's told everyone that because Sam has gone to bond with Lucifer you've all gone to join him."

"_What?_" Lisa spat. "They can't believe that!"

Balthazar's eyes twinkled. "They're not. So far everyone is remaining loyal to Mary, insisting that Naomi's lie is ludicrous. Which it is."

"Naomi has never been the wittiest angel in the garrison," Ezekiel said wryly, surprising everyone.

"They're demanding answers, but Naomi can't give them and the hunters are getting frustrated," Balthazar said.

Mary smiled proudly and started humming under her breath as she put the cookies in the oven and set the timer.

"So what do we do now?" Anna asked.

"Now we try to find a way to get Sammy back and win this stupid fucking war," Dean said. "Right?"

"But how do we do that?" Lisa asked, frowning and folding her arms.

Gabriel pointed at Lisa. "That, my dear, is the million dollar question."


	15. gettin' married to the devil

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**15. gettin' married to the devil you can hear the wedding bells**

The goal was to find a way to make Lucifer break the bond himself, hopefully giving the rest of Sam's soul back in the process. The problem was, nobody knew how to accomplish that because the only person who could make Lucifer do anything was Lucifer. They didn't even know if it was possible to break the bond, and nobody wanted to try it out. They'd clearly hit a wall, so Balthazar left (after taking a cookie) and everyone just started to do their own thing. Lisa was showing Anna and Ezekiel the wonders of cable TV and Gabriel was obsessing over Mary's cookies.

"These are divine," Gabriel sighed around a mouthful of chocolate chip. "And trust me, I'm an expert on divine."

Mary smiled. "That's very kind of you, Gabriel," she said.

"Can you make snicker doodles next?" he asked, eyes bright.

She laughed. "If you have the ingredients, sure."

"Done!" he declared, then smacked the counter with his hand and, sure enough, the ingredients appeared. Mary laughed even harder and then set to cleaning the bowl so she could make a new batch.

Dean and Cas were sitting next to each other in the living room. Dean kept bouncing his knee in agitation. He felt like he was about to explode and he still wanted to chop something's head off. There were too many things that he needed to do but couldn't do, and he felt helpless knowing Sam was in danger.

"Hey Anna?" he said.

She turned, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Yeah?"

"Could I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure," she said, standing up.

He patted Cas' knee as he got up and they walked down the hall a bit. He knew angels had super-hearing and that they'd probably hear everything anyway, but he wanted some modicum of privacy.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Your mission," he said quietly, and she stiffened. "Was your mission to kill Sam?"

Anna looked down at her feet. "Yes, it was. They wanted to get him out of the way before he even had a chance to bond with Lucifer," she said softly, then looked up at him with wide, sincere eyes. "But I wasn't ever going to do it, Dean. I refused - "

"I know, Anna, I know," he said. "I just wanted to know."

"I understand," she replied.

The door across from them opened and Ben looked sleepily up at them. Anna knelt down.

"Hey, bud," she said with a smile. "Sleep well?"

He nodded. "I miss the bunker."

She reached out and rubbed his arm comfortingly. "I know. Your mom's out in the living room. Mary made cookies."

"_Sweet!_" he said, hugging her quickly before running out into the living room.

Dean watched him go and Anna smiled after him before standing. Dean looked at her and raised his eyebrows questioningly. She ducked her head and started walking toward the living room.

"Shut up, Dean Winchester," she muttered over her shoulder.

He grinned. "I didn't say anything."

SPNSPNSPN

"Just wait here," the little girl said, leading him to a room in the expansive building that was Lucifer's headquarters. "He'll be here in a jiffy!"

Sam smiled gratefully and then she skipped out, shutting the door behind him. He was nervous and his hands were clammy. He'd also just drank a shit-ton of demon blood, which felt both great and awful. He felt weird about meeting the Devil in his workout clothes, but there was nothing to change in to. His heart thudded in his chest, but he kept repeating to himself that this was for the better. He would bond with Lucifer and convince him to end the war and then he'd be back with his mom and Dean.

There was a knock at the door. "May I come in?"

"Y - " Sam cleared his throat. "Yeah."

A man pushed the door open and stepped inside, a small smile on his face. He had messy blonde hair, a scruffy beard, and a sturdy jaw. His eyes were light blue.

"Hello," he said, holding his hand out as he walked over. "I'm Lucifer."

"S-Sam Winchester," Sam said, shaking his hand. He was feeling slightly intimidated and a little amazed that he was meeting the Morning Star.

"It's good to finally meet you, Sam," Lucifer told him, smiling a bit. "I trust Lilith treated you well?"

"Lilith?" he repeated. The little girl, he realized, and then jolted when he remembered that Lilith was the name of the first demon ever created. "Oh, yes."

Lucifer smiled. "That's my girl."

Sam swallowed heavily.

"Should we get down to business, then?" Lucifer asked.

"Yes," Sam said firmly.

Lucifer smiled. "I really appreciate this, by the way."

Sam nodded. "Of course."

"Now, your part in this is simple," the Devil said. "You kneel and I put my hand on your head. You say "I give you all," and that's it."

"That's it?" Sam asked.

Lucifer held his arms out. "I never lie."

"Okay then," Sam said, and he knelt on the ground. "Let's get started."

The Devil smiled and Sam felt a shiver run down his spine. "Let's." He put his hand on Sam's head.

"I...I give you all," Sam said.

Lucifer's smile widened and he spoke in a strange language that Sam figured must be Enochian. He'd never heard it spoken before. Vowels and consonants fit together in strange ways that Sam didn't recognize.

_I take your all._

The pain was sudden and immediate. Sam's eyes rolled into the back of his head as he screamed from the pain of it. His very being felt like it was being ripped apart. White light started emanating from where Lucifer was touching him. Feelings of being set on fire and being frozen solid alternated within him so quickly it made his head spin. All he could do was scream. Scream and scream and scream. He remembered hearing Jess' shrieks and screeches, but he also remembered how happy she was afterward. This was all going to be for the better, this was -

Suddenly it ended, and Lucifer ripped his hand off of Sam's head. Sam fell forward and landed on his elbows. This didn't feel good. This didn't feel right. He felt sick and nauseous and -

"Sorry," Lucifer said, flexing his fingers and smiling. "I took a bit more than half."

Sam's mind felt cloudy and the edges of his vision were going black. "You...you - "

"But I could've taken all," he continued. "So really you should be thanking me that you're alive at all."

"You bas - " Sam coughed and blood spurted into the palm of his hand.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "This is all going to be for the better. No more haughty angels running things under the guise of holy justice. You'll see." He reached down and yanked Sam to his feet and put an arm around his shoulders. He grinned. "Come on, Sammy boy. You're my date to the prom."

SPNSPNSPN

By the time evening had rolled around, Gabriel had gotten Mary to make ten batches of cookies, six trays of brownies, three cheesecakes, twelve cinnamon rolls, and eight muffins. Dean had yelled at Gabriel at one point for harassing his mother, but Mary said she was glad for the distraction and the appreciation of her cooking. Mary was putting on a brave face, but Dean could see in her eyes that she was just as worried about Sam as he was. She'd also made some dinner for them, something other than sugar, which everyone was grateful for.

Now they were all gathered in the living room watching Armageddon (which Dean thought was an ironic movie choice), and Gabriel was loudly commenting on everything that happened. Ben, like the cheeky eight year old he was, kept yelling at the archangel to shut up. Gabriel just giggled and ruffled Ben's hair every time that happened. Dean wasn't paying much attention. He was too distracted by thoughts of Sam and what he could be going through to focus on the movie.

Everyone chorused "No!" and he looked up to see that Ben Affleck's character had drawn the short straw.

"What kind of a movie is this?" Gabriel grumbled, then turned his head. "Hey, Bal."

Sure enough, Balthazar was standing in the living room, his face taut. They hadn't even heard him arrive. Lisa paused the movie.

"What has happened?" Ezekiel asked.

"They found someone else to bond with Michael."

"How is that possible?" Dean asked. "I thought I was the only one who could do it."

"You _are_ the Michael Sword, but they found someone who will work. More like the Michael Butter Knife," Balthazar said. "His name's Adam Milligan. He's, uh...he's your half-brother. Seven years younger than Sam."

Dean went stiff and his jaw clenched. "Excuse me?" he said tersely. John had...but he was always loyal to Mary. Or so Dean thought. He glanced over at his mother and saw that she had ducked her head. Ezekiel was watching her closely, gauging her reaction.

"I'm sorry, Dean, Mary," Balthazar said, and he looked sincere. "They've just found him and brought him back to the bunker. The ritual will take place momentarily so I can't stay long. It's not perfect, but it'll work. He has the Winchester bloodline and he's Sam's brother."

"What does being our brother have to do with it?" Dean asked.

"Everything," Gabriel answered. "Brother killing brother? This goes all the way back to Cain and Abel, my friend. It's in your bloodstream. And now either Michael and Adam will kill Lucifer and Sam, or it'll be the other way around."

"No," Dean said. "That can't - "

"It is written," Ezekiel said, his tone defeated.

Dean glared at him. "Well I say we make some revisions to that book of yours."

SPNSPNSPN

So far the best plan they had was going up to Lucifer on the day of the big battle (which still nobody knew when it was going to happen) and asking him to let go of Sam's soul. Which was to say they pretty much had no plan.

Dean was lying awake in the spare room that Gabriel had given him. Most all of the hunters were asleep now. Cas was out doing his job "while he still could." Dean didn't know much about fallen angels and being cut off from the Heavenly Host, but from what he could gather it involved their grace fading until they were human. Ezekiel wasn't taking it very well, but he was putting on a brave face, presumably for Mary's sake. Anna was handling it the best, but then again she'd been on the edge of falling for quite some time, according to Cas. She actually wanted this. Cas...Dean couldn't tell how Cas felt about it. He didn't even know if _Cas_ knew how Cas felt about it.

He looked up at the sound of wings and saw Balthazar standing in his room.

"Hey," Dean said, sitting up.

"It's done," Balthazar said. "Adam is bonded to Michael...and Sam is bonded to Lucifer."

Dean's heart tightened. "You're sure?"

"Lucifer made an announcement a short while ago," Balthazar replied. "And it appears that he's taken more than half of Sam's soul."

"_What?_ That's _possible?_" Dean thundered.

"Very possible," he said. "It's a show of trust during the bonding process that the angel takes no more than half."

"Well clearly Lucifer can't be trusted," Dean grumbled.

Balthazar choked out a laugh. "You think? The bastard makes a show of never lying, but he likes to leave out certain truths."

"Dammit," Dean swore, running a hand through his hair. "This friggin' sucks."

"Tell me about it."

Dean bobbed his head up and down, then looked at Balthazar. "Did you see Jo?"

He smile softly. "I did."

"Do you love her?"

A look of surprise crossed his face and then he chuckled. "That obvious, is it?"

"Well you two don't really go lengths to hide it or anything," Dean said wryly. "Have you told her?"

He shook his head. "No. The angels would use it against us. They already keep me away from her more than the others. They could even set up for Jo to have an..._accident_ if they got too concerned about it." His face was dark.

"They really don't like human-angel interaction, do they?"

"It is highly frowned upon," Balthazar replied. "Nephilim - offspring of angels and humans - are considered abominations, so since Jo is female and my form is male they're more likely to be upset about us than you and Cas for instance."

Dean blushed. "Does _everyone_ know?"

"You haven't gone lengths to hide it," Balthazar said cheekily.

"Oh shut up." Dean shook his head, grinning.

Dean felt his heart give a tug and then Cas appeared in the room accompanied by the standard flapping of wings. Cas inclined his head towards Balthazar.

"Any news?" Cas asked.

"None of extreme import," Balthazar replied. "Dean can fill you in. I should take my leave."

"Thank you for your help, Balthazar. I know what position this puts you in," Cas said.

Balthazar smiled. "Anytime, baby brother."

Cas scowled but Balthazar just laughed and took off.

"I don't like it when they call me that," Cas muttered as Dean stood up to hug him.

"How did it go?" he asked, hooking his chin on Cas' shoulder.

"Well," Cas replied. "I eased many people's loneliness."

"I'm sorry I got you into this mess," Dean mumbled.

Cas shook his head and wrapped his arms more tightly around Dean. "No. I made my choices and I stand by them. I stand by _you_."

Dean sighed and pressed his face into Cas' neck. He put his lips against Cas' tanned skin and one of Cas' hands threaded its way into his hair. Dean lifted his head and stared at Cas for a moment before kissing him slowly. Then he pulled away and went to the bed. Cas followed, dropping his trench coat behind him as he walked.

"I'm tired tonight," Dean said regrettably, "and I know angels don't sleep, but...can you lay with me?"

"I was planning on it," Cas replied with a smile.

Dean grinned and stripped down to his boxers, then helped Cas do the same. He got underneath the overs and Cas crawled in beside him. Cas put an arm around Dean's shoulders and Dean put his head on Cas' chest. With Cas drawing lazy circles on Dean's upper arm, skimming the handprint there, Dean allowed a feeling of safeness to bloom in his chest. All the tough guy, "I don't need anybody" bullshit was just that: bullshit. Who doesn't need anybody? Certainly not Dean. He hid behind the exterior he'd spent his entire life crafting and never let anybody inside. Not fully.

Not until Cas.

"Hey, uh...we haven't really talked about...this," he said, curling his fingers on Cas' chest.

"About what?" Cas asked.

"About what we are," Dean said, rolling over so he was laying on Cas' chest.

Cas tilted his head to the side. "I thought it was obvious. We copulated, Dean."

For some reason that made Dean blush. "Don't say it like that," he muttered. "And it's not obvious to me. I mean, I know how I feel, and I can feel your feelings but I still don't - I just wanna make sure - "

Cas reached out and put a hand behind Dean's head, and brought him in slowly for a simmering kiss that made Dean's head spin. Cas then peppered kisses all over Dean's face and pulled away to stare at him.

"I love you, Dean Winchester," he said.

Goose bumps rose on Dean's arms. An angel and the Angel Killer - in love. Who'd have imagined it? A goofy smile came to his face and he buried his face in Cas' chest, causing the angel to rumble a laugh. Dean lifted his head and smiled again.

"I love you too," he whispered, wanting to keep this moment to themselves in case anyone was listening in.

Cas kissed him again and Dean shifted so he was straddling him.

"I thought you were tired," Cas grumbled as Dean kissed along his jaw.

"I am," Dean said, sucking just below Cas' ear, causing Cas to gasp and arch his back. "But I'm also in love with you, so..."

Cas laughed. "You should get some rest."

Dean pulled back, sitting on Cas' hips with a sigh. "I know." He paused. "Can I...can I see your wings again?"

"Oh. Um, yes. I suppose." Cas sat up and put his arms out behind him, supporting himself on his hands. He closed his eyes, and then the wings were back, inky and dark and resting against the bed.

Dean's eyes went round. He reached out and trailed one finger down a feather. He glanced up at Cas and saw that Cas looked uncomfortable. He stopped petting them.

"What's wrong? Does it hurt?" he asked.

Cas shook his head. "No, no, it feels good, but...I don't really like my wings."

"Why not?" Dean asked, raising his eyebrows.

Cas shrugged. "Each angel's wings are different, unique. Like humans and their fingerprints. I've always found mine to be rather drab compared to my siblings'."

Dean leaned over and put his face in the left wing, breathing in deeply. "I think they're beautiful, Cas. They're not drab. They're simple. They're stunning."

"Thank you, Dean," Cas whispered, a blush on his face.

"Why'd you make them disappear earlier when Gabriel showed up?" he asked as he sat up. "Is it cause you don't like them?" He ran his hands over the primary coverts.

Cas shivered. "Partly. My wings are the most personal part of me, so I didn't want a stranger to see them," he said quietly. "I usually keep them invisible, but they come out in times of high emotion. The other reason is that, depending on the context, fully extended wings can mean one of two things: a challenge to fight or an invitation to, uh..." He shifted.

"Copulate?" Dean teased. When Cas nodded, his jaw dropped. "Wait, you've gotta be kidding! Angels do the dirty?"

"Some do," Cas replied. "It depends on the angel. We weren't all created at one time, so some consider sex with an angel from a different generation okay."

"Like you're related but not really so it's okay?" Dean asked. "Like kissing cousins?"

"I suppose. I find the idea of sex with any of my siblings bizarre," Cas said, frowning a bit. "Most angels consider sex to be a frivolity. Others, like Flaef...well, I'm sure you can imagine."

Dean grimaced as he remembered the granny angel from Jess' bonding ritual party, the one who was the Angel of Human Sexuality. "I'd rather not."

Cas laughed.

"What about you?" Dean asked, straightening a couple feathers. "Do you consider it a frivolity?"

"I didn't consider it to be anything," Cas confessed. "I was by myself so much of the time that I never thought I'd be presented with the opportunity, so I hadn't pondered it much."

"And now?"

Cas smiled and put a hand on Dean's waist, trailing soft fingers over the skin there and making Dean shiver. "I thought my opinion on the matter would be clear to you by now."

Dean chuckled to himself and started to work his fingers through the feathers on Cas' right wing now. Cas bit his lip and closed his eyes.

"This is a sensual thing for you guys, isn't it?" Dean asked.

Cas opened his eyes and stared hotly at Dean. "_Very_," he breathed.

Dean flushed and heat pooled in his belly. He gently pushed on Cas' shoulders so he was laying down, wings spread out on either side of him. Dean almost trembled at the sight.

"Yeah, I'm not really tired anymore," Dean said.

Cas grinned and flipped them over, dark blue wings arching over his head and taking Dean's breath away. "Good."


	16. i took his hand and we walked through

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**16. i took his hand and we walked through the shadow of death**

This time when Dean woke up after sex with Cas, he wasn't alone. He was cradled by dark blue wings and Cas was pressed up behind him. He turned around carefully to face Cas, trying not to disturb him or crumple any of his feathers. He smiled a bit at the peace on Cas' sleeping face - and then frowned.

Angels don't sleep.

Cas' grace must be fading faster than he thought if he needed sleep now.

"Cas," he whispered, lightly brushing Cas' cheekbone with his fingers. "Wake up."

Cas whined slightly before opening his eyes and meeting Dean's. Like Dean, Cas smiled at first and then frowned.

"I slept," he said simply.

"You did," Dean agreed, waiting anxiously to see how Cas would react. Would he be upset, angry, sad?

Cas closed his eyes and his smile was back. "It was nice."

Dean let out a breath of relief. "Yeah?"

"I dreamed we were flying," Cas replied.

Dean made a face. "Let's keep the flying in your dreams."

"You don't like to fly?" Cas asked.

"Nope," Dean replied. "Dead terrified. That's why me and Sammy - " He cut off, suddenly reminded of his missing brother.

"That's why you drive everywhere," Cas finished.

Dean nodded. "Yeah."

"That makes sense," Cas said as he sat up and made his wings disappear in the process.

Dean whined at the disappearance of the wings and Cas laughed at him.

"Let's get dressed," Cas said. "I think your mother made breakfast."

"Do angels have super smelling too?" Dean asked.

Cas laughed as he pulled some pants on. "Come on, Dean."

"Coming, coming," Dean said, getting up and giving Cas a peck.

Several pecks and minutes later, Dean and Cas emerged from the room and sat at the counter that divided the kitchen from the living room. Sure enough, Mary was making breakfast. A whole stack of waffles sat on the counter and Gabriel was in the process of eating some. At least, Dean _hoped_ there were some waffles under the mound of whipped cream, syrup, powdered sugar, and chocolate chips.

"Hungry?" Mary asked.

"Starving," Dean said.

"Yeah, you really burned some calories last night, huh?" Gabriel teased.

Dean blushed furiously and Cas coughed delicately.

"Really?" Dean asked, throwing glances at Mary, who was humming under her breath as she watched Ezekiel carefully pour batter into the griddle.

"You were _next door_ to her last night," Gabriel said.

Dean blanched.

"I slept through the night," Mary said casually, pulling bacon out of the oven. "So I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about."

"Uh..." Dean met Ezekiel's annoyed eyes and blushed. The angel must've soundproofed Mary's room or something. Dean mouthed "thank you" at him but all Ezekiel did was turn back to the waffle griddle.

"Let's eat," Cas said, steering Dean toward the food.

They were joined a few minutes later by Lisa, Ben, and Anna. It was hard to tell who was most pleased with the waffles: Gabriel or Ben. Lisa had to restrain Ben when he tried to go for a seventh one.

"But Gabriel had like fifty!" Ben complained.

"Well, when you're a multidimensional celestial being barely contained within a human body you can eat fifty waffles too," Lisa said patiently, steering Ben into the living room.

"Sleep well?" Anna murmured suggestively in Dean's ear as she walked by.

Dean's ears went red. "I thought we were quiet last night," he hissed to Cas.

"You're not very good at being quiet," Cas replied evenly, the right side of his mouth quirking up. "Especially not when I - "

"O-_kay!_" Dean exclaimed, shaking his head. "This has been fun, let's not do it again." He glared at Gabriel, who was pouring syrup on yet another waffle. "Thanks for breakfast, Mom. It was great."

"You're welcome, sweetheart," she replied with a smile.

"Your mother is a saint," Gabriel said pointedly. Then he thought for a moment. "Actually, I could make you a saint if you want. Sainthood would suit you, Mary."

"Thank you for the kind offer, Gabriel, but that's not necessary," she said, reaching over to pat him on the cheek.

Gabriel beamed at her.

"And Ezekiel helped out a lot," she continued, smiling up at her angel. "You've gotten a lot better in a short amount of time."

Ezekiel's chest swelled with pride. "Thank you, Mary."

Dean smiled at the exchange. Mary rinsed the dishes in the sink and then stuck them in the dishwasher, although Dean had a feeling that Ezekiel would just use his angel mojo to clean them later. Then she went into the living room to help Ben pick out a movie.

Ezekiel glanced at her and then flicked his wrist, and Dean heard dishes clatter slightly in the cupboards and he knew he was right. The waffle griddle had even disappeared. After taking a breath to steel himself, Dean walked over to him.

"Ezekiel?" he said.

The angel turned his impassive gaze on him. "Dean Winchester."

"I, uh, I never thanked you for saving my mom," Dean said, feeling a bead of intimidation form in his gut.

"Of course," Ezekiel said. "She is my hunter. We are bound. There is nothing I wouldn't do to protect her."

Dean nodded and gratitude flooded his body. "I'm really glad you're there for her. I know it was hard for her to leave us, and I think having you around maybe made it easier. I mean, of all the angels she could've gotten stuck with - shit that sounded bad - I mean - " But he stopped because Ezekiel was laughing. _Laughing._

Well maybe not full on laughing, but he was chuckling at least and he looked amused.

"I know what you meant," Ezekiel said. "Your mother is a fierce warrior with a kind and unwavering heart. She has become my dearest friend. And of all the hunters I could've gotten _stuck with_ - " Dean blushed. " - I'm glad it was her."

"Me too," Dean agreed. "Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks."

Ezekiel bowed his head and Dean walked back over to Cas, who was frowning at the ground.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked.

"I think there's someone - " Cas started.

"It appears we have a guest," Gabriel said, standing. With his shoulders back and his jaw set, he actually looked like an archangel for once. Except for the chocolate smudge on his chin. That kinda ruined the effect.

A short girl with shoulder length dark hair appeared in the living room.

"His Lord Death extends an invitation for Dean Winchester and the angel Castiel to join him for pizza," she said before anybody could react.

"A reaper," Cas murmured.

"I have a name," the reaper said, putting her hands on her hips.

"And what is it, dear?" Mary asked.

She smiled at Mary. "Tessa."

"Nice to meet you, Tessa," Gabriel said. "But what does Death want with Cassy and Dean?"

"To eat pizza with them," she replied drily. "And to discuss the upcoming apocalypse."

"Wait, Death?" Dean said. "As in the Horseman?"

"Yes," Tessa said.

"Why does Death want to talk about the apocalypse?" Dean asked.

She sighed, clearly getting tired of the questions. "Because he has an interest in the matter. Look, if you're declining just - "

"Oh no, no," Gabriel said quickly. "They're not declining." He looked at Cas and Dean. "It's best not to deny Death."

"So I've heard," Dean muttered, then turned to Cas. "You down to go on a pizza date with Death?" He paused. "That sounds like a bad band name."

Cas chuckled. "Yes. But we should leave now so we don't keep him waiting."

"Awesome, let's go," Tessa said. She stepped forward and put a hand on each of them, and then they were in some random, empty pizza place. No, not empty. The waiters were dead on the floor and some patrons were slumped over in chairs. Dean felt his stomach twist in disgust. Cas squeezed his wrist, and then Dean saw him.

Death was a pale man in an expensive suit. He had sunken cheeks and skin that barely clung to his face. His nose was beaky and his eyes were beady. He was eating a deep dish pizza, cutting a bite off and stabbing it with a fork.

"So glad you could make it, although I did expect you a bit earlier," he said, a slight English accent to his voice. "Tessa, you're dismissed. Thank you for your service."

"Of course," Tessa said, bowing deeply before disappearing.

"Castiel, Dean, please join me." Death gestured to the two empty chairs across from him.

They glanced at each other before walking slowly over and seating themselves. Death took another bite of his pizza and the tension in the air was enough to suffocate Dean.

Dean cleared his throat. "So, uh...what's this little meeting about?"

"Eat first, then we'll talk."

"I just had breakfast," Dean said. "My mom made waffles."

"How quaint. Eat." Death put a slice of pizza on each of their plates.

Dean and Cas exchanged a look.

"Is it poisoned?" Dean asked, voice quivering slightly.

Death raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm Death, Dean, not a murderer."

Dean glanced around at the bodies. "Could've fooled me," he said before he could stop himself.

"_Dean_," Cas hissed.

"Careful," Death warned, his mouth a straight line. "You're dancing on the edge of rudeness, and I do _not_ tolerate rudeness, Angel Killer."

Dean swallowed. Apparently everybody liked to throw that name in his face. Cas grabbed his hand under the table, squeezing it tightly. Waves of anxiety pulsed off of Cas, which only made Dean even more anxious.

Death shrugged. "Besides, if I wanted to kill you there are easier ways."

A chill swept over Dean and he shakingly cut a bite of the pizza and swallowed, barely keeping it down. The whole situation was starting to get to him. Cas also took a bite.

"Good, isn't it?" Death cut another bite of pizza for himself. "I'm quite fond of Chicago's pizza."

"We're in Chicago?" Dean asked, surprised. At least it wasn't Kansas.

"Yes."

Death chewed his pizza and then took a sip of his soda, and the awful sucking sound when there's hardly any liquid left in a drink filled the air. He sighed with contentment.

"Now," he started, "I understand your brother has bonded to Lucifer and your bastard half-brother has bonded to Michael and they intend to have a battle to the death in the near future, resulting in the destruction of most of your puny little planet."

"That's, uh, that's about right," Dean said, nodding earnestly. "Do you want to help us?"

"Pah," Death scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Not particularly."

"Then why - " Dean started, angry.

"I don't care about your fetus of a world or you festering humans," Death said sternly. "What I care about is Lucifer."

"Lucifer?" Cas said.

"Yes," Death replied, taking another bite. When he swallowed he said, "He tried to summon me, to bind my powers to him. He tried to control me. And he was very rude about it."

Death stared unblinkingly at Dean, who shifted uncomfortably.

"Lucifer is a bratty child throwing a temper tantrum and he has been a burr under my saddle, so to speak, for far too long now," he continued. "Oh no, Daddy loves the protozoa more than me, I'm going to cry about it for a millennia." Death scoffed again.

"Wait, you're _Death_, right?" Dean said.

Death raised his eyebrows at him. "I think that's already been established."

Dean's mouth went dry. "Yeah, I know, but...why can't you just kill him?"

"I have the power, yes. But if I kill him now your brother would die with him and I believe you desire to avoid that, don't you?" Death asked.

Dean nodded fervently.

"And anyway, I've been avoiding killing Lucifer myself. I don't like to get my hands dirty in the affairs of angels, you see," Death explained. "And it's been so long since God and I have had a row, I'd hate to end the record now by killing his favorite son."

"You know God?" Cas said at the same time Dean said, "Favorite son?"

Death stared at each of them in turn. "Oh, yes, Castiel. Your father and I go way back. I forget now how long. I am very old, you see." He turned to Dean. "Didn't you know? Lucifer was the best, brightest, and most beautiful of all the angels. It's a bit of a sore spot for Michael. They who win the war get to write the history, so I imagine he left that little detail out."

"So you want us to get rid of Lucifer for you," Dean said.

Death shrugged. "I can't imagine you will succeed, but it will be fun to see you try."

Dean frowned. "I think you're the one being rude now."

"_Dean_," Cas hissed again, but Death just chuckled.

"So the so-called Righteous Man _does_ have some spirit," he said in amusement. "Very well. Here is the plan: we shove Lucifer back into the pretty cage that he crawled out of."

"Sounds great," Dean said. "How do we do that?"

"I will handle opening the cage," Death replied. "If you want your brother to live, then you must get him to break his mind free of Lucifer's control. Otherwise he will be dragged down with him."

"What about Sammy's soul?"

Death tried sipping at his soda again and Dean winced at the slurping sound. "Once Lucifer is in the cage I will return the part of Sam's soul that he holds to Sam."

"Really?" Dean asked, raising his eyebrows. "Just like that? You don't want us to do anything extra?"

"Like I said, I can't imagine that you will succeed," Death replied, wiping at his mouth with a napkin. "But on the off-chance you do, it's not a difficult task. I shepherd souls for a living, Dean."

"Okay," Dean said, nodding. "Okay."

"Do we have a deal?"

Dean looked at Cas, who stared at him for a moment before giving him the slightest of nods. He turned to Death. "Deal."

"Wonderful," Death said, throwing his napkin on his plate. "When - if - you break Sam's mind free, you need to say the code word so I know to open the pit."

"What's the code word?" Dean asked.

"Hmm...how about 'deep dish'?" he suggested, nodding at the pizza on the table.

"That's two words," Dean said.

Death glared at him and Dean flushed.

"Deep dish it is, then!" he declared.

"Good. See you around, then," Death said. And with a flick of his wrist Dean and Cas were back at Gabriel's hideout.

Everyone in the living room stood and stared at them in anticipation.

"Well?" Gabriel prompted.

"We have a plan," Dean said. "It'll be hard, but - "

The sound of wings announced Balthazar's arrival. The angel looked tired and anxious.

"Balthazar," Ezekiel said, worry coloring his tone. "What is it?"

"Chuck's had a vision," Balthazar replied, his voice breathy. "The final battle will be tomorrow at noon at Stull Cemetery."

Dean heart dropped and he shook his head. "Fucking Kansas."


	17. two thousand years i've been awake

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**17. two thousand years i've been awake waiting for the day to shake**

Nobody slept well that night. Cas offered to work some mojo and make Dean sleep, but Dean had the feeling that the more Cas used his powers the faster his grace would fade, so he declined. When they all got up at six in the morning (none of them could pretend to sleep any longer) Dean could see the bags under everyone's eyes. Mary didn't cook; she was too tired. Gabriel conjured up some food for them and they ate in silence. Ben barely ate, only kept watching Lisa with an upset expression and Dean felt a wave of empathy wash over him. He knew what it was like to be so young and have to deal with so much.

The plan was that once the fighting started Dean would go in and try to free Sam. Cas would watch Dean's back and everyone else would try to keep the fighting away from them. It wasn't exactly the most solid plan, but it was the only one they had.

"Dean," Mary said quietly.

He looked up. "Mom?"

"Could I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure." He squeezed Cas' hand and then walked down the hall with her where they stepped into her room. "What's wrong?"

Mary put her hands on his cheeks and stared at him for a long moment. Dean took the chance to observe his mother too. Her blonde hair was riddled with silver strands and there were soft lines on her face. Her eyes were a pretty blue green and Dean finally knew where he got his green eyes from. In her eyes he saw love and strength, kindness and ferocity.

"My beautiful boy," she said, smiling as she took him into her arms.

Dean rested his head on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her torso, relishing in the feeling of hugging his mother. He didn't know if he'd be able to do this again after today, because he had a foreboding feeling that he was going to die in this fight.

"I love you, Mom," he whispered.

"I love you too," she said, stroking his hair. "And your brother. You boys have made me so proud."

Dean half-laughed. "I'm a high school drop-out. I let Sam drink demon blood his whole life. I've killed - "

"You boys are strong, and proud, and good." She pulled away and stared into his eyes. "And righteous."

Dean shivered. "I don't know about that."

"Well I do," she said. "A mother knows best, after all."

"So I've heard," Dean replied.

Mary laughed and patted his cheek, then they went back into the living room together. Ben and Gabriel were playing video games and Ben was winning from the looks of it. Dean went over and sat next to Cas, leaning his head on the angel's shoulder and grabbing his hand. They only had a few more hours of peace, so Dean was going to make the most of it.

SPNSPNSPN

"Okay, so I got a bunch of weapons for you guys," Gabriel said, gesturing to the pile of guns and knives that just appeared on the living room table. "Good luck, I guess."

"You're not coming?" Dean asked, looking up from the shotgun he'd grabbed.

Gabriel snorted. "I don't play family feud anymore, remember?" he said.

"That's bullshit," Dean snapped. "So you're just going to sit back while your douchebag brothers - "

"_Don't_ talk about them like that," Gabriel growled. "I _love_ my brothers. I love my family, even my absentee father. But I couldn't take the fighting so I ran. And now it's happening all over again. You don't get it. This celebrity death match you're about to get into? It was an everyday occurrence in Heaven before Lucifer got stuck in his cage the first time. I just want it to stop. I don't care how."

"You'd rather hide and tuck your tail than stand up to your family," Dean said. "Awesome. Some archangel you are."

Gabriel curled his hands into fists. "I should smite you right now for that remark."

"You will do no such thing," Cas said, standing in front of Dean. His jaw was clenched.

"What, Cas, you're just going to march down to that cemetery with your little pet, back Michael up, and push Luci back in his pit?" Gabriel said.

"I'm not backing Michael up," Castiel replied. "I'm not choosing a side. I'm fighting - " He looked at Anna. " - for humanity," he said, echoing Anna's words when she killed Zachariah.

She smiled at him.

"Humanity is the family I'm fighting for," Cas finished, taking Dean's hand.

Gabriel curled his lip and swore, then disappeared with the sound of wings. Dean let out a breath - truth be told he'd been a little worried that Gabriel would smite him - and sagged a bit. He looked at his watch.

"11:47," he said. "Guess we should get going."

Lisa turned to Ben and hugged him tightly, whispering things into his ear, and Anna rubbed his shoulders. Ben stood straight and stiff, but tears gleamed in his eyes. Mary inspected the weapons and began strapping several guns to herself. She slid a couple knives in her belt. Dean swore and started grabbing weapons too.

"Are we ready?" Dean asked everyone.

They nodded tensely.

He cracked his knuckles. "Then I'll see you on the other side."

Each angel grabbed their hunter and disappeared, reappearing at the edge of a small, poorly maintained cemetery. They hid in the tree line there. Thousands of wings announced the arrival of the angels, and for the first time Dean saw Michael. And his half-brother.

Michael was a slender man with black hair and a pointy nose. He looked kind of like a douchebag, but that could've just been the expression on his face. Adam was a tall kid, kind of gangly. He had scruffy sandy hair and a young face. He couldn't be older than sixteen and Dean felt pity fill his gut.

The angel army was massive, and Dean recognized some of the faces in the crowd. He also saw the hunters from the bunker. He ground his teeth at the sight of Krissy, Aiden, and Josephine there. He saw Jo with Balthazar, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist. Jody, Sophia, Bobby, and Ellen were there too. Jess was standing with Rachel looking like she was about to be sick.

Smoke covered the sky and then on the other side of the cemetery the demon army arrived. Their army was much bigger, and they also had a lot more hunters. Dean felt his body go cold as he wondered if his father was in that crowd.

But then he saw Lucifer and Sam and all other thoughts left his head.

Sam had an unhealthy pallor to his skin and his eyes were dead. His posture was hunched and Dean knew that Sam wasn't in control. Lucifer looked like a blonde douchebag with a charming smile. He stepped forward, Sam at his side, and Michael and Adam walked forward too. They met in the center of the cemetery and Dean tensed, waiting for the fighting to begin. The archangels raised their arms and..._hugged_.

"It's been a long time, Michael," Lucifer said, pulling away and gripping Michael's upper left arm.

Michael fitted his hand against Lucifer's upper arm. "Too long."

"I've missed you."

"And I you," Michael said. Their hands fell to their sides. "Hard to believe the time has finally come, isn't it?"

"I wish we didn't have to do this," Lucifer said. "I don't want to fight."

"I don't want to either," Michael admitted, looking away.

Lucifer sighed. "Why are we even doing this, Michael? We're brothers, why do we have to fight?"

"You know why," Michael said tersely. "Because it is written. Because you disobeyed our father and betrayed the family."

"Father betrayed the family when created these flawed abortions," Lucifer snapped, gesturing to Sam. "How could he expect us to venerate these...these _things?_"

"He expected us to be good sons, to listen to his word no matter what," Michael replied. "That's how. But you didn't listen."

"No, I didn't," Lucifer agreed. "And look at what I've accomplished." He swept his arms out to the side to acknowledge the army that stood behind him. "And what you've accomplished! You've ruled Heaven well in Dad's absence. Imagine what we could do if we worked together."

Michael raised his eyebrows. "Worked together?"

"You and I could create a whole new world order! We could start anew, make a better world than God ever could," Lucifer said, his eyes manic with excitement. "Angels and demons working together, just imagine."

"And the humans?" Michael asked.

"We could find a place for them, I suppose. Perhaps as chew toys for the hellhounds."

Michael shook his head and glared angrily at Lucifer. "You still haven't learned your lesson, little brother. You're still as arrogant as you were before."

"And you still think Dad knows best," Lucifer snarled. "Ever the good son, aren't you?"

The archangels started to puff out their chests and rise to their full height. Dean remembered what Cas had said about fully extended wings meaning a challenge, and Dean could imagine theirs spreading over the sky and blocking out the sun.

"I think it's time for me to kill you, now," Michael said. "Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be," Lucifer said, eyes narrowing. "But I won't be the one dying today."

Michael inclined his head. "Whatever you say."

"Shall we take paces?" Lucifer asked.

"Five," Michael replied. "And no cheating."

"Whatever you say."

Michael and Lucifer, with Adam and Sam respectively in tow, started to walk away from each other.

"One. Two," they said.

Dean grabbed Cas' hand, anticipation making his blood run hot. "I love you, Cas," he whispered. "I love you so fucking much."

"Three."

"And I love you, Dean," Cas replied.

"Four."

There was a pause.

"Are you sure about this, Michael?" Lucifer called without turning his back.

"It is written," Michael replied.

Lucifer smiled grimly. "As you wish. _Five._"

The two brothers whipped around and with a snap of his fingers Lucifer made Adam's head explode. Dean felt like vomiting as he watched his half-brother's body fall to the ground and get trampled by the charging army of angels. Mary, Ezekiel, Anna, and Lisa burst out from the tree line they were hiding in and entered the battle. Cas tugged Dean along as they followed.

"Sam," Cas said urgently as they approached the warring brothers. "Get to Sam."

"Not much of a sword you got there, Michael," Lucifer teased.

"There were some complications," Michael replied, then ran forward with his angel blade drawn. Lucifer jumped out of the way, throwing Sam into Michael's path. The words "the Lucifer Shield" suddenly rang in Dean's mind.

Michael turned toward Sam, raising his blade. Cas waved his hand and an invisible force shoved Michael away from Sam. Dean crouched by Sam's fallen body and Lucifer and Michael turned toward Castiel, who swallowed.

"Hey, _I'm_ the only one who gets to fight Michael," Lucifer snapped. "Who is this runt, anyway?"

"Castiel," Michael replied stiffly. "A rebel and a traitor. _He_ bonded with the Righteous Man instead of me."

"Huh. How rude. What do you say we team up one last time?" he asked with a grin. "Take down this fledgling and then get back to business?"

"Sounds good to me," Michael said, shrugging.

Cas dodged out of the way as both the archangels came at him. Dean cursed under his breath, resisting the urge to go help. He had to focus on Sam. Sam was most important.

"Sammy - " He cut off as Sam kneed him in the ribs.

Sam stood up and kicked Dean again. Dean sputtered - he hadn't been expecting this, he'd expected Sam to be a vegetable - and got quickly to his feet. He ducked as Sam aimed a punch at him.

"Sammy, it's me. It's me, Dean," he tried. "I'm your brother, Sam, I'm not gonna fight you."

Sam said nothing, just grabbed Dean and threw him down on the ground. He loomed over Dean, a frighteningly blank expression on his face.

"Come on, Sammy, you know me," Dean said, grunting as Sam got down and punched him in the face. "Remember car trips with Dad? And learning how to hunt? I taught you how to fire a shotgun and - " Sam punched him again and Dean's vision went black for a moment. He heard a familiar shout and turned to see Cas kneeling on the ground clutching his arm. His face was bleeding and Michael and Lucifer approached him slowly.

"Hey, dickbags!"

Michael and Lucifer turned and saw Gabriel, angel blade drawn, standing a few feet away from them.

"Why don't you leave the fledgling alone and pick on someone your own size?" he said.

"Gabriel?" Lucifer said, furrowing his brows.

He smiled. "Mike, Luce, it's good to see you again. Been a long time."

"But you're - " Michael started.

"Supposed to be dead? Yeah, I get that a lot," Gabriel said with a shrug.

"What are you doing here?" Michael asked. "Have you come to help me defeat Lucifer?"

"Not really," Gabriel replied with a shrug. "I'm here on the side of humanity." He found Cas' eyes and gave him a small smile.

"Humanity?" Lucifer repeated. "But they're - "

"Better than us?" Gabriel interrupted. "Yeah, they are. They're awful, smelly, and some of them can be really disrespectful, but that's what makes them so _good_. Because they have spirit and they can change and they can rise above what they were created to be."

Lucifer flared his nostrils. "You're as much as a fool now as you were back then, Gabriel."

"If you're not going to help me, Gabriel, then you need to leave or I will kill you as well," Michael snapped.

Gabriel held his arms out and bowed a bit. "Then let the party begin," he said.

"You'll regret this," Michael snarled, jumping forward and stabbing at Gabriel.

"The only thing I regret is not doing this sooner," Gabriel snapped, ducking down as Lucifer came up from behind him. "Hey, all we need is Raphael and Dad here and it'll be just like Sunday dinners!" He punched Michael in the stomach. "Where is little Raphy, anyway?"

"Guarding the Prophet," Michael replied. "And besides, he supports me."

"Pity," Gabriel mused, kicking out and tripping Lucifer. "He always was so gullible."

Michael shouted and jumped at Gabriel just as Lucifer came at him from behind. Castiel appeared and knocked the angel blade out of Lucifer's hand.

"Thanks, baby bro," Gabriel said with a grin.

"You talk too much," Cas growled.

Dean groaned as Sam resumed hitting him, having also been distracted by Gabriel's appearance. He pummeled Dean until Dean couldn't see straight. His head spun and he could feel blood leaking out the corners of his mouth.

"Sammy," he coughed. "It's okay. I'm not gonna leave you. But you gotta come back. I love you, Sammy. Mom loves you. Dad loves you too, I'm sure of it. There are so many people who care about you and need you to come back. Like Cas, and Jess, and Charlie, and everyone at the bunker."

Sam faltered, then punched him again.

Dean coughed up more blood and took a ragged breath. "You're my number one, Sammy." He coughed again and then he felt Sam throw himself off of him.

"D-Dean?" Sam whispered.

His heart soared and he struggled to sit up. "Yes, yes, Sammy. It's okay, we're - "

Tears streamed down Sam's face and he covered it with his hands. "I thought - this is - he said - it's all my _fault_ - "

"No, it's okay, we can fix it," Dean said, then turned his head. "Dee - "

"I have to stop him," Sam said, then grabbed a knife from Dean's side. He gripped the handle and held the point towards himself.

Dean froze, his mind screaming "_EMERGENCY, EMERGENCY!_"

"Sammy, don't - what are you - " he started.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I love you," Sam said, then took a breath. Dean lunged forward to stop him, but he couldn't move fast enough. Sam plunged the knife straight into his heart. He gasped, sputtered, and his eyes rolled back in his head. Blood poured from the wound and his hands slipped from the handle as he fell over backwards. Dean screamed and cursed and clutched Sam's jacket, shouting for him to wake up, but Sam's eyes remained glassy.

"_You!_"

Dean was lifted up and thrown down to the ground. He felt the bones in his leg snap and he screamed, looking up at Lucifer's rage-filled face. Fury, hot and angry, flooded Dean and his vision went red.

"_Deep dish!_" Dean shouted. "_DEEP DISH YOU MOTHERFUCKER!_"

Lucifer's face clouded with confusion. "Are you ordering _pizza?_ After what just - " But he stopped, his eyes focused on someone behind Dean.

"Hello, Lucifer," Death greeted, throwing some rings on the ground at Lucifer's feet. "Nice to see you again. Sorry it's such a short visit."

"_No!_" Lucifer shouted, trying to fly away, but Cas appeared and pushed him to the ground. Death said an incantation and the ground beneath Lucifer started to shake and give way. Gabriel grabbed Cas and flew him away from the opening of the pit.

"Lucifer!" Michael shouted, running forward, but Gabriel pushed him back.

The Morning Star fell down the hole that appeared, his strained screams following him down, and then the hole was gone with a flash of light. Death brushed off his hands and stepped forward to pick up the rings that he had thrown. He put one on his hand and the rest in his pocket.

"Well this has been fun," Death said. "Goodb - "

"Wait!" Dean shouted. "Wait, you son of a bitch!"

Death turned, a steely expression on his face. "I do not appreciate - "

"My brother," Dean said, crawling over to Sam's body. "His soul. You gotta - "

"Sam's soul is in one piece now," Death replied. "It's just not in his body."

"But you said - "

"I said I would return what's left of his soul to him. The two pieces are now reunited, up in Heaven I imagine," Death snapped. "Now clean up your mess and don't bother me again."

Death disappeared then and everyone was left shell-shocked. Demons, angels, and hunters stood around looking at each other, wondering what to do. The demon-side hunters looked especially confused.

"Drive off the demons! Spare the hunters if you can!" Ezekiel shouted, running forward with Mary at his side.

The angels charged again and the demons panicked, scared without their leader. Most of them smoked away and those that didn't were quickly cut down. Hunters threw down their weapons, hands in the air. Dean didn't care, he wasn't paying attention. He was focused on Sam, on Sam's dead body growing cold under Dean's hands. He pulled the knife out of Sam's chest and threw it to the side, blood still sluggishly pouring out.

"Dean," Cas said, sitting beside him. He raised his hand and quickly healed him. "Dean, I'm - "

"You can bring him back, can't you?" Dean asked. "You gotta bring him back!"

"If I could, I would," Cas replied, tears glistening in his eyes. "But I am not a Seraph anymore, and - "

"Sam? Is that Sam?"

Jess came running over to them and fell to her knees at Sam's side, tears mixing with blood as they ran down her face. The other hunters from the bunker gathered and gasped in horror at the sight of Sam dead. Dean heard screaming and knew it was Mary. Ezekiel held her around the waist as she flailed and shrieked, her hair in knots as she shook her head in denial. She kicked and hit Ezekiel to get him to let her go, but he didn't even flinch, only restrained her even tighter.

"You," Dean said slowly, turning toward Michael, who looked shell-shocked. "This is your fault. You bring him back."

"I _can_ bring him back," Michael said.

"Then what are you waiting - "

"But someone has to give their life for him," Michael continued. "The world has to stay in balance, Dean. A life for a life."

"Take mine," Dean said instantly.

"No, Dean - " Cas said.

"Cas, you can't - "

"Take mine," Cas interrupted, looking up at Michael. "My life for Sam's."

"Cas, _no_," Dean said, staring at his angel.

Castiel smiled at him. "Sam is most important, Dean."

"I know, but...shit, Cas, you're important too," Dean said, tears rising.

"As are you," Cas replied, eyes boring into Dean's. "Besides, I finally understand why humans sacrifice themselves for each other."

Dean shook his head, a small smile on his face. "I thought that was impractical."

"What's the saying...love makes you do stupid things?" Cas said, raising his eyebrows in slight amusement.

Dean sighed and pulled Cas in for a slow kiss, not caring who was watching. Then he shoved Cas to the side and reached up, grabbing Michael's arm.

"Me," he said. "Do it now."

"Dean, no - " Cas shouted.

But Michael's eyes were glowing and he was saying an incantation under his breath. Dean's body started glowing, as did Sam's, and Dean felt his mind going fuzzy. He fell over to his side and Cas caught him, and the edges of his vision went fuzzy. He heard Sam breathe in sharply and then cough. Sam turned his head and met Dean's eyes.

"Hey Sammy," Dean croaked.

"Dean, you didn't - " Sam started, but Dean's head lolled to the side and his eyes fell shut. A feeling of peace came over him as he let out his final breath.


	18. i hear you know god

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**18. i hear you know god could you give him a nod in my direction**

If Dean had expected Heaven to look like anything, it certainly wasn't this.

He remembered what Cas had said about humans each having their own personal heavens perfectly crafted for each human soul. Dean wondered what his heaven would be like. Would it be the Impala, his childhood home, the bunker? Who would be there? Cas, Sam? His mom? Maybe he had to wait until they died before they could join him.

He didn't expect a white void.

There was nothing around but whiteness, and Dean wondered if this was where he would face his judgment. Maybe he wouldn't go to Heaven. He didn't imagine the Angel Killer would be allowed to go to Heaven. He'd also sinned, blasphemed, done pretty much everything bad there was to do, and had sex with an angel. Twice.

"Is anyone there?" he shouted.

"Dean Winchester," said a weirdly familiar voice.

"Who are you?" he asked, turning around and around but all he could see was white. It was starting to hurt his eyes.

Suddenly a figure appeared. It was a man, and as he got closer Dean could see -

"_Chuck?_" Dean said.

Chuck smiled. "Around here I'm known as God."

"You've gotta be kidding me," Dean said, shaking his head. "You can't be serious."

"As a heart attack," Chuck replied.

"Oh my god," Dean muttered.

"Yes?" Chuck said with raised eyebrows.

Dean glared at him. "Not funny."

Chuck grinned. "Sorry. You have no idea how hard it was to resist making God jokes at the bunker."

"So this whole time you've been pretending to be a Prophet?" Dean said.

"Pretty much."

"Why?" Dean asked.

"I wrote this story a very long time ago," Chuck replied. "I wanted a front row seat when it all went down."

"You sick fuck," Dean snapped.

Chuck raised his eyebrows. "Gotta say, most people don't call me that."

"I don't give a fuck what people call you," Dean said. "God or not, you've got some answering to do."

To his surprise, Chuck started laughing. "See, that's the thing I like about you, Dean! You don't take shit from anybody. Demon, human, angel, _God_ - you don't give any of that weight. Most people would start groveling at my feet and begging forgiveness once they knew who I was."

"Yeah, well, the way I see it you're the one who needs to beg forgiveness," Dean replied.

"You hold everyone as equal in your mind. Everyone is responsible for their actions and nobody is excused, no matter if they're Death or your own mother. People who would normally be treated with inherent respect you treat just like everyone else. You completely lack blind faith."

"People have to earn my respect before I treat them with it. Even God," Dean said. "And blind faith only leads to trouble."

Chuck grinned. "All of this is what makes you so special, Dean. When I wrote this story, created you, I had such high hopes for how you would turn out."

"How did I measure up?" Dean asked wryly, folding his arms.

"You exceeded all of my expectations," Chuck answered. "Castiel even more so. My youngest son, the last angel I ever created." Chuck got a faraway look in his eyes. "He's surprised me most of all. He had such a minor part when I first wrote the story. But he turned into quite the major protagonist, didn't he?"

"I'd say," Dean replied, quirking an eyebrow up.

Chuck smiled. "Enough about the story. It is over now. I imagine you have some questions for me?"

"Yeah, I do actually," Dean said. "Why did you lie to me about Sam?"

"I didn't lie," Chuck said.

"You told me I would kill him!" Dean shouted. "That sounds like a lie to me!"

"I stretched the truth," Chuck countered. "I told you what I needed to in order to set things in motion. By breaking Sam free of Lucifer's control, you gave him the opportunity to kill himself, so in a way you did kill him."

"You bastard," Dean snapped.

Chuck laughed. "It wasn't nice of me, I know. But I work in mysterious ways."

"Oh my - _shit_," Dean swore, shaking his head. "You son of a bitch."

Chuck shrugged. "Everything happens for a reason," he said with a grin. "I have a plan."

"I'm gonna puke," Dean warned, and Chuck laughed again. "Okay, where have you been for the last who knows how many years?"

"I've always been around," Chuck replied. "Just in different ways. I had to step out of the story to let it play out how it wanted to. Too much interference is not a good thing." He started walking around, one hand on his chin. "I've also been spending time with my other experiments. Crafting new stories and characters. None of them have been quite as spectacular, though."

Dean's jaw dropped. "You - _what_ - "

"What, Dean? You can't really have thought that I'd only create one world," Chuck said in amusement. "I'll let you in on a secret, though. This little petri dish is by far my favorite."

"You know, you're really starting to piss me off," Dean snarled.

"I know. And I'm sorry." Chuck started pacing the other way. "But I wouldn't change any of it. I'm proud of my children, both angel and human." At Dean's look he added, "Most of them. Do you have any more questions?"

"N - Yeah." He grinned mischievously. "What's the meaning of life?"

Chuck laughed. "I'm sorry, that answer is reserved for the dead."

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Aren't I dead?"

"Do you want to be?"

"Not really."

"Then I will send you back when we're done talking," Chuck replied.

Dean frowned. "Who's gonna die in my place? Michael said there has to be a balance."

"Nobody's going to die in your place," Chuck said tiredly. "I'm God, Dean. I can kind of do whatever the fuck I want."

Dean blinked, surprised, and then started laughing. Chuck smiled.

"Do you want to go back now?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Dean said.

"Could you do me a favor?" Chuck asked.

"Depends."

"Tell Castiel I'm proud of him," Chuck said, a small smile on his face.

Dean paused and then nodded. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Thank you, Dean." Chuck approached him and raised his hand. "Are you ready?"

"Hell yeah," Dean said with a grin.

Chuck laughed and put two fingers to Dean's head and the white void faded to black.

The first thing he felt upon coming back to life was pain. His head felt like it was going to explode. He struggled for breath because of a weight on his chest, and he wheezed a bit at first. Then he heard the crying and he fluttered his eyes open.

"What's with all the tears?" he asked, his voice croaky.

Sam, crying on his chest, froze and lifted his head. Cas was cradling Dean in his arms and loomed his head over Dean. Sam was the first to recover and he hugged Dean tightly around the neck. Cas put his arms around both of them, angel strength lending to the bone crushing hug he was giving them.

"Can't...can't breathe, guys," Dean said. "I don't really feel like dying twice in one day, so - "

"Sorry."

"Sorry!"

Cas sat up and Sam let go. Mary leaned forward, putting her hands on Dean's face and then pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"How - You were dead, your heart - " she said.

"God sends his regards," Dean replied simply.

He looked up at the other people standing around them. Michael looked scandalized and Gabriel seemed amused. The other angels wore similarly surprised expressions.

"Good ol' Dad," Gabriel muttered, shaking his head.

"So what now?" Dean asked as Cas helped him sit up.

"We don't know," Michael mumbled. "It wasn't written."

Dean rolled his eyes. "So write it yourself. What do you think needs to be done?"

Michael looked surprised. "I, uh...Death said we need to clean up our mess. So first we need to gather the dead and honor them."

"Sounds good," Dean said. "And after that?"

"I think..." He puffed out his chest and straightened up. "I think we need to rebuild Heaven. Somewhere on the way we got off track. Gabriel, would you...I would like your help in this," Michael said. "And yours, Castiel."

Castiel and Gabriel exchanged mildly surprised looks.

"Sure thing, big brother," Gabriel said, putting an arm around Michael's shoulders, pulling him down to Gabriel's height. "I've missed the fluffy clouds."

"And, uh, you Castiel?" he asked, awkwardly crouched down as Gabriel ruffled his hair.

Cas looked down at Dean and then back at Michael. "I will be happy to assist you in any way possible and offer advice, but my place now is here on earth."

Dean swelled with love for Cas and he curled his fingers into Cas' dirty trench coat.

"I have a question," Michael said. "Your bond, it's - "

"Different, yeah," Dean interrupted. "I have his grace and he has my soul. We've been told. A lot."

"I was wondering...is it perhaps stronger because of that?"

Sam perked up. "Wait, that makes so much sense! It's like ionic and covalent bonds!"

The angels gave him weird looks.

"No, yeah, cause with ionic bonds one atom takes..." Jess started in excitedly.

Sam was smiling and laughing again, which took a whole load off of Dean's shoulders. He tuned out the nerdy conversation and looked at Cas. Cas smiled at him and leaned over to press a chaste kiss to Dean's lips.

"So you've seen God," Cas said. "You're one of few beings that have."

"He's not worth the hype," Dean replied. Cas rolled his eyes. "But he did have a message for you."

Cas' raised his eyebrows in surprise.

Dean put a hand on the side of Cas' face and brought their heads together, foreheads against each other. "He said he's proud of you."

Cas closed his eyes and pursed his lips. Dean rubbed his thumb on Cas' cheekbone, worried. He thought that would make Cas happy, not sad. But then Cas opened his tear-filled eyes and smiled. They kissed again and again, then hugged each other.

Dean looked around at the people that were there with him - Mary, Ezekiel, Jess, Cas, and _Sam_ - hell, even Michael and Gabriel - and, for only the second time, closed his eyes in prayer.

_Are you there, God? It's me, Dean Winchester._

_Thank you._


	19. everyone has got to be saved

**Angel Killer**

* * *

**19. everyone has got to be saved**

.

**john winchester  
**_the night is when the ghosts all come out_

The first time John saw her he thought he'd imagined it. He had dreamed of her often, after all. Seen her standing in the kitchen in the morning sun, seen her reflection in his coffee, heard her laugh on a summer wind. Surely the blonde woman fighting alongside that angel couldn't be his wife. His wife was dead, murdered by angels. He lost sight of her quickly after that, and he had to focus or else risk his life.

Then after he saw Sam kill himself and watched Lucifer get sucked down into the earth, he spotted her again.

The angel she was with earlier was holding her back. She was screaming bloody murder, thrashing in the angel's arms but it didn't make a difference. He couldn't get a good enough look at her face to tell; she was moving around too much.

Something had happened to make her scream like that, and when he looked over Sam was alive and crying over Dean's dead body. They were surrounded by strange hunters and angels. The blonde woman went to them. John went still and fell to his knees. His boys. His _boys_. Dean was dead. Sam _was_ dead, but now -

Now Dean was stirring and the woman leaned over and kissed his forehead. She lifted her head and John's heart skipped several beats.

_Mary_.

He got to his feet and stumbled over to the group, tripping on dead bodies and roots and cracks in the ground.

_Mary._

He felt like he was walking through quicksand. The distance stretched out in front of him. Years passed every time he took a step.

_Mary._

"Dad," Sam said, the first to notice him.

John glanced at him, then into Dean's alive and open eyes, but then stared at Mary where she knelt by their eldest son. Her face went pale and she looked like she'd seen a ghost. Which was funny because that was what she was to him. A ghost. A memory. An empty casket beneath the earth because the fire had burned her body to ashes. Or so he'd thought.

"M...Mary?" he said, trying to make his voice work.

She rose to her feet slowly, and the muscled angel beside her stepped protectively in front of her.

"It's okay, Zeke," she said softly, moving the angel out of the way. "He is my husband, after all."

_My husband._ Tears burned in John's eyes and his throat swelled. She looked like a warrior, just like he remembered her from their hunting days. Blood was crusted on the side of her face from a wound no longer there - he guessed the angel healed her - and her face looked older, but her eyes were the same.

"You...You're - but you - I saw - the fire - " John stammered, unable to form a coherent thought.

"I know you must be confused," Mary said, her voice as melodic as ever, "and I'm sure you have a lot of questions - "

John reached out and put a hand on her cheek and she closed her eyes, leaning in to the contact. He was almost surprised that she was real, that she was there, that she wasn't some very convincing apparition.

"Mary," he whispered, then let out a sob and hugged her tightly.

Mary put her head against his chest and rubbed his back as he sobbed.

"_My Mary_."

**michael  
**_we're all part of the system_

Michael sighed and dragged a hand over his face. Getting the world to trust angels again after a ninety-nine year war was proving to be a far more difficult task than he'd imagined. As was straightening out Heaven. He had to deal with Uriel's faction of angels who still wanted the apocalypse to occur, and then there was Naomi's faction of angels who wanted her to rule Heaven. He was half-considering just tossing them in Heaven's Jail and being done with it.

And then there was the issue of Hell.

Hell's Gates were still wide open, and demons were on the run. It had spread through the hunter community fairly quickly that demons were the real bad guys so at least he had their help in killing the demons. But Hell was also in chaos without Lucifer. Civil war was rampant. Generals from Lucifer's army were all fighting each other to the last tooth and nail for control.

"Michael?"

He looked up to see Raphael standing in the doorway of his office. "What is it?"

"You have a letter from some demon named Crowley," Raphael said, handing the said piece of paper over. "He wants to discuss leadership of Hell with you."

"Crowley? Isn't he that upstart crossroads demon?" Michael asked, looking over the document.

Raphael shrugged half-heartedly. "I don't know."

"Right, well, you're dismissed."

Raphael rolled his eyes and left the office. He was apparently still unhappy with his new appointment as Michael's assistant since the death of Aalbiel, his previous assistant.

Michael crumpled the paper and quickly scanned earth. He located the demon in a skeevy bar in a Midwestern town. He flew down, landing on the barstool next to him. The demon didn't even look up from his drink, completely unperturbed. The same couldn't be said for the bartender, however, who tripped and fell over in surprise.

"Michael, I presume?" the demon said.

"You are correct."

Crowley turned to him and smiled charmingly. "Let me make you a deal."

**chuck shurley  
**_do you understand who i am? do you want to know?_

"Chuck!" Charlie called. "Hey, Chuck! Where are you at?"

Charlie had showered everyone in love and affection when they'd come back from the battle. But now they couldn't find Chuck, who was the only other person to stay behind. Gotta protect the Prophet, after all.

"He said he was getting a vision and then walked off right after you guys left," Charlie said.

"Maybe he's in his room?" Mary suggested.

"Yeah, maybe," she said.

Mary, Dean, Cas, and Charlie all walked down the halls to get to Chuck's room. Mary knocked at first and then pushed the door open, but it was empty.

"Weird," Charlie said.

"I can't sense his presence anywhere," Cas said with a frown.

Dean walked over to the bed where Chuck's notebook was lying open. Dean scanned through it and whistled at the very detailed description of the battle and Dean's conversation with God. Then he reached the end of the last page and laughed.

"That son of a bitch," he mumbled.

The others came over to see what was written and they all raised their eyebrows.

"What does that mean?" Mary asked.

"Hell if I know," Dean said, but there was a strange grin on his face. Cas gave him a weird look and then turned his eyes to the last words on the page:

_THE END_

_?_

**ezekiel  
**_when the light hits your eyes it's telling me i'm right_

"You have to put your hands on your arms like when you guys greet each other," Dean said. "And then you both say I give you all but then you only take half."

"But I already have half of her soul," Ezekiel replied. "Why do I take half again?"

Dean faltered and folded his arms. "I don't know, that's just what we did."

Ezekiel frowned to himself. After the battle, and after Sam Winchester had explained what covalent and ionic bonds were and compared to hunter-angel bonds, a lot of angel-hunter pairs wanted to change their bonds to an equal bond like Castiel and Dean Winchester's. He was initially unsure of the idea. After all, how could he survive with only half of his grace? But Castiel didn't seem to be weakened by it. On the contrary, he seemed stronger for it. And they speculated that with this kind of bond, even if the angel died the hunter would still survive.

Aside from strength and life safety, it also just seemed fairer. Dean Winchester and Castiel were equal because of the shared soul and grace. Neither was above the other. And while Ezekiel certainly considered Mary his equal, sometimes his better, he still had half of her soul while she had nothing of him.

"What if we just did the normal ritual backwards?" Sophia suggested.

"Yes, listen to the wisdom lady," Dean declared, clapping his hands.

"Does anybody want to go first?" Jess asked.

"We will," Mary said, looping her arm through Ezekiel's. "If that's okay with you?"

"Of course," Ezekiel replied, looking warmly at her.

They walked together into the bonding room. Ezekiel kneeled down, waiting for Mary to put her hand on his head and start the ritual. When she didn't, he looked up at her in confusion. She wore a conflicted expression and she was biting her lower lip as she always did whenever she wasn't sure of something.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked. "I mean, half of your grace, it just - "

"I am sure," Ezekiel interrupted. "I want to do this."

Mary smiled. "Okay then." She put her hand on him, her palm covering his forehead.

Ezekiel spoke in Enochian, the language coming just as easily to him as any other, though he had a fondness for his native tongue. He shaped the words smoothly, and he meant every bit of them.

_I give you all._

When he was done Mary bowed her head in respect and said, "I take only half."

Ezekiel expected it to hurt. He didn't expect to feel something close to ecstasy. White light glowed from where Mary's hand connected to his head. He could feel his grace leaving him, but he didn't feel any weaker. On the contrary, he could feel the half of Mary's soul and what was left of his grace swell, filling in the extra room left behind. He felt stronger, and he felt more connected to Mary.

The light faded and the ritual was complete. Mary pulled her hand away, looked at him, and gasped.

"What? What is it?" he asked worriedly, quickly getting to his feet.

"Your...I can see your _wings_," she whispered.

Ezekiel looked behind him and saw that his wings were indeed out. But even when he did have them out before she couldn't see them. Why -

Oh. The grace.

"They're beautiful," Mary said, mesmerized.

Ezekiel smiled and shook them out a bit, but was careful not to extend them fully. Mary might not have understood the meaning, but he wouldn't have felt right about it. He was fond of his wings. They were a dark gold up at the marginal coverts and faded evenly until they were a pale gold at the primaries.

"I like them," Ezekiel said, shrugging.

Mary smiled and moved forward to hug him. "Thank you for trusting me. With your grace."

Ezekiel nodded. "You trusted me first. I thank you for that."

"I'm glad it was you," Mary said. "You've helped me through a lot."

Ezekiel smiled. "I think I am the one indebted to you, Mary."

"Split it half 'n half?" she asked.

"Seems like we're doing that with everything," Ezekiel said.

Her jaw dropped. "You made a joke!"

He blushed. "It's not a big deal."

"It is! Zeke's first joke!" she exclaimed.

He set his jaw in a pout and she laughed harder, then put her arm through his.

"Let's go," she said brightly, beaming up at him.

He smiled warmly. "Let's."

**anna  
**_start your life with your head held high_

"I want to be a human."

Lisa looked up, surprised. Anna had surprised herself, actually. She'd been playing with the idea for a very long time now. For centuries, actually. And now it was at her fingertips.

"Are you sure?" Lisa asked.

Anna nodded.

"How do you become human?"

"Well...I could rip my grace out," Anna said. "But..."

"But I already have half," Lisa finished. They'd done the ritual to split Anna's grace just last week.

Anna smiled. "Right. And I don't think ripping my grace out of you would end very well."

"Are there any other options?" Lisa asked.

"I could become a fallen angel and wait for it to fade away," Anna said.

"Is that safe?" Lisa asked.

She sighed. "I don't know. I think I'll talk to Michael. He'll have to cut me off from the Host anyway."

Lisa smiled and put her hand on Anna's arm. "If this is what you want, then I'll support you."

"Thank you," Anna said, covering Lisa's hand with her own. "I'm gonna go now. Before I lose my nerve."

"Okay, then," Lisa said. "You'll be back for dinner?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Anna replied, then flew up to Heaven and landed right in the middle of Michael's office.

"There's a line," he said, mildly affronted.

"This is important," she replied, then explained the situation.

"Are you sure?" Michael asked after a moment.

"Yes," Anna pleaded. "I've wanted this for so long."

Michael sighed. "You always were too human for Heaven," he mumbled.

Anna raised her eyebrows in surprise. She wasn't sure what to make of that. "I have a question, though."

"Yes?"

"How will if affect Lisa and I?"

Michael pursed his lips, tilting back in his desk chair. "I'm not sure. I can only assume that you'll only have one soul between the two of you, which could make you weaker."

Anna was quiet as she thought about this.

"Is Lisa okay with the risk?" he asked.

"She said she'd support me if it's what I want," Anna replied.

"Then I think you should do it."

Anna's eyebrows shot up her forehead. "You _what?_"

Michael shifted, eyes down. "I've spent a lot of time trying to control my siblings, condemning their behavior if it didn't match exactly what was expected of us. But I realize that this life isn't for everyone. Whether God intended it or not, we've all grown to have our own opinions and preferences. We're not the same. And if this is what you want, then you should do it." He smiled. "Who am I to judge?"

"Thank you, Michael, thank you," Anna said, beaming. "Who...who will take over my job?"

Michael shrugged. "Theliel, I suppose. He's been after your job for a millennium."

"He does love love," she replied with a smile. "He'll be a wonderful replacement.

Michael smiled and then mock-glared at her. "Now get out of here. Only Angels of the Host are allowed in here."

Anna saluted. "Sir yes sir."

After that, Anna used her angel powers as much as possible in an effort to speed up the fading process. She flew everywhere, even just down the hall, and she healed every bruise and cold that people contracted. She went around to marriages all over the world, blessing each and every one.

The day before she woke up as a human, she had a dream. A warm embrace, a soothing voice, a soul moving -

Anna shot up awake and she could feel half of a soul inside her, swirling around the half of Lisa's soul. She had always wondered what being human would feel like. It felt like...a _lot_. She felt hungry and she had to pee and a tired cloud hung in the back of her mind and she was happy and yet she was crying at the same time and her hands were shaking as she got out of bed.

"Lisa!" she shouted as she left her newly assigned room and went next door. She knocked on the other door too. "Ben!"

The doors opened and there was a sleepy Braeden in each doorway. Ben stared up at her with wide eyes and Lisa had a hand pressed to her chest, a small smile on her face.

"Are you...?" Ben asked, hopeful.

Anna nodded and they let out a huge cheer, hugging Anna tightly.

"I can feel it," Lisa said tearfully. "Your soul."

"How does it feel?" Anna asked.

"Beautiful." Lisa grinned. "You're a real girl now, like Pinocchio!"

They all laughed and cried and even though it was four in the morning nobody yelled at them, because who could begrudge such a beautiful display of humanity?

**jo harvelle  
**_time keeps rollin' on_

"We _can't_ leave yet!" Jo yelled.

Ellen put her hands on her hips. "Everything is packed. I've put this off for a week already. He's obviously not coming around."

"You don't know him," Jo snapped. "He wouldn't do this. He'll come. He's just - "

"The battle was a month ago," Ellen said firmly. "He's had plenty of time to come see you. This is why I didn't want you to get bonded in the first place: angels can't be - "

"I can't believe you," Jo snarled, tears forming in her eyes as she balled her hands up. "You can't _do_ this to me! The bunker is my _home!_"

"The _Roadhouse_ is your home," Ellen snapped. "Your angel can find you there, I'm sure. Now we are _leaving_ whether you like it or not."

Jo turned on her heel and stormed out, crossing the hall and throwing herself down on her stripped-down bed. The walls were bare, her shelves were empty, and the desk was clean for the first time since she could remember.

The Roadhouse most definitely was not her home. She didn't even have any memories of it. All she knew about it was that her mom and dad started it before he died. She had a picture of her as a baby with her parents in front of the Roadhouse. A picture that was now in a box, waiting to go back to Nebraska.

Tears burned in her eyes and she tried blinking them away because she hated crying, but they were persistent. She rolled off the mattress and knelt on the floor, folding her arms and resting them on the bed.

"Bal," she prayed. "I don't know where you are. I don't know why I haven't seen you. I hope you're okay. Just...please come back to me."

**gabriel  
**_don't do a goddamn thing they say_

"Gabriel! Gabriel, I know you're in here!" Raphael shouted.

Gabriel sighed and uncloaked himself. He was naked and covered in lipstick marks and bruises. "How did you find me?"

Raphael looked around the trashed Vegas hotel room. "You are very predictable."

Gabriel shrugged. "Probably true."

"You haven't been doing your duties," Raphael said, glaring at him.

Gabriel gave him a grin. "You said _doodies_."

"Oh grow up," Raphael snapped.

"Harsh words, little brother," Gabriel said, lounging back on the bed. "Show a little compassion. You're supposed to be good at that, being Angel of it and all."

"You are neither suffering nor enduring misfortune," Raphael replied. "Therefore you are undeserving of any compassion or sympathy."

Gabriel groaned. "Stop being so technical! You know, this is why I never invite you to my parties."

Raphael ignored him. "Michael wants the report on how the infrastructure reparations are going in the intelligence sector," he said.

"And dear Mikie will get it," Gabriel replied. "When I get around to it."

Raphael snorted. "Why did you even agree to help Michael if you weren't going to take it seriously?"

"I _am_ taking it seriously," Gabriel protested with a frown. "But old habits are hard to break. And besides, he wants my help because I know how humans work. And I know how humans work because I spend time down here. You should try it out sometime."

"No thanks," Raphael said, a look of distaste on his face.

"Come on, Raph. Live a little!" Gabriel exclaimed.

"I don't think your acts of debauchery count as living."

Gabriel rolled his eyes and held his hand out. A shot glass appeared in his hand. "Here."

"What is it?" Raphael asked.

"Peppermint schnapps," Gabriel replied, standing up and walking over. "I know how much you like Christmas, so I figured peppermint would be good to start you out on."

"Do I have to?" Raphael whined.

"Yes. As thy older brother I hereby command thee to drink alcohol with me," Gabriel declared, a mischievous grin on his face.

Raphael took the shot glass, sniffed it, then drank it down in one swallow. He grimaced. "It tastes like mouthwash."

"It's awesome, right?" Gabriel said, refilling the glass.

"It does not exactly inspire awe within me," Raphael replied, drinking the second shot.

Gabriel grinned. "Just you wait."

Michael found them hours later sitting on the floor of the hotel room, both naked, singing hymns with the lyrics changed to make them much less holy. He shook his head as they laughed and poured more alcohol, begging him to join them.

Little brothers. What could you do?

**jessica moore  
**_start the car and take me home_

Jess dropped her backpack and it landed with a thud on the library floor. Sam looked up from the book he was reading and a smile spread across his face. Her stomach twisted with longing and she felt herself start to smile. She had only been at Stanford a month and she had missed him more than she could believe was possible.

When she had decided to go, she'd asked him to go with her, to fulfil his childhood dream of becoming a lawyer, but he declined. He wanted to stay and help Charlie start up the Men of Letters again, rechristened as the Order of Letters to "make is less sexist." (And also because it reminded her of the Order of the Phoenix.) He told her that he wasn't that person anymore and he didn't know if he ever really had been. And apparently he and Dean were legacies: their grandfather, Henry Winchester, was a Man of Letters back in the day. So he stayed and she went, but now she finally understood what he meant.

"Hey, I didn't know you were visiting this weekend," Sam said, rising from his chair.

She shook her head. "I'm not visiting."

He frowned in confusion. "Then - "

"I dropped out," she said quickly.

"You dropped out?" he repeated. "But I thought you wanted to be a nurse?"

"So did I," she said, running a hand through her straggly hair. "But I was sitting there and...and I realized that I don't want that life. I don't want to be the college girl who goes to class on the weekdays and parties on the weekends. I don't want to be a nurse. I..." She smiled. "I know where I belong, and it's here."

His smile got impossibly brighter and she couldn't take it anymore. She ran at him and threw herself into his arms. He lifted her up into the air, hugging her tightly and smiling into her hair.

"I finally get what you meant," she said when he put her down. "About how much everything has changed you? It's changed me too. I'd, uh...I'd like to join in on starting the Order of Letters up."

Sam's jaw dropped. "Really?" He turned his head. "Hey Charlie! I think we have another recruit!"

One of the doors to the private studies opened and Charlie stuck her head out. "Great! And I wasn't listening in. Not at all."

Sam laughed and Jess smiled at him, his arms tightening around her. This was definitely where she was supposed to be. And she wasn't just talking about the bunker.

**lisa braeden  
**_i want you in my life_

"What's going on here?" Anna asked, standing in the doorway of Lisa's room.

Lisa looked up from the box she was bent over, blowing her bangs out of her face. "We're packing," she said.

They weren't the first people to leave the bunker. The Harvelles had left a month and a half ago to start the Roadhouse back up. Bobby went back to his salvage yard a couple weeks later and Jody went with him. Together they - with Sophia's help - became the primary contact for hunters all over the nation who needed help solving cases or covers for false identities. The three kids and their angels had left to go hunting across the country. Others who had nowhere else to go or who had found a home in the bunker's walls stayed and helped Charlie start the Order of Letters.

And although Lisa had been a damn good hunter back in her day, her life was different now. She wanted to move back to Michigan and raise her son without the threat of angels and demons over their heads. She wanted a quiet life with dinners at home and movie nights on Fridays.

"'Scuse me," Ben said, walking out of his room and past Anna with a box labelled "BEN'S DO NOT TOUCH".

"You're leaving me?" Anna said after watching him walk down the hall, her eyebrows pushing together in confusion. "But I thought..._why?_" she asked, her voice cracking.

"No, you don't understand," Lisa said.

"Oh, I do," Anna replied as she began to cry. Since becoming human she'd been having trouble controlling and understanding her emotions and she was often prone to hysteria. "I'm of no use to you now that I'm human. You didn't sign up for Anna, you signed up for Anael. You - "

Lisa grabbed Anna's face and kissed her hard. Anna didn't respond, just went still as a rock, and Lisa pulled away, feeling slightly embarrassed and like she made a mistake.

"I, uh...I just - I assumed you would come with," Lisa mumbled. "I should've asked bef - "

Anna cut her off and kissed her, wrapping one arm around her waist and putting a hand on her face. Lisa twined her arms around Anna's neck, pressing herself against the former angel's body.

"Ew, Mom!" Ben exclaimed as he came back down the hall.

Lisa pulled away from Anna and her face lit up red. "Sorry, baby, uh - "

"I'm gonna go hang out with Dean while you guys _talk_," Ben said, shaking his head.

Anna put her hand to her mouth to restrain her laughter as Lisa rolled her eyes. Lisa wiped the remaining tears from Anna's face and smiled at her.

"You're right," she said. "I did sign up for Anael." Anna's face started to fall so Lisa kissed her again and whispered, "But Anna is so much better."

**mary winchester  
**_since you been gone my life has moved along_

Mary putted around the bunker's kitchen putting the dishes away after that night's dinner. Ezekiel helped her, scrubbing at a plate with a sponge. He stopped suddenly and set it down.

"Mary, John Winchester is praying to me again," he said.

She froze, hand hovering over a cup. "What's he saying this time?"

Ezekiel tipped his head back. "Ezekiel, I'm sorry for bothering you, but could you please talk to Mary? She said she needed space but it's been over two months since the battle and - "

"Where is he?" she asked.

"Outside the wreckage of your former home in Lawrence."

"Can you take me there?"

He looked at her speculatively. "Are you sure?"

"Not really," she replied, sweeping her hair up into a messy bun and biting her lip. "But I have to face him sometime."

Ezekiel nodded and put a hand on her arm and then they flew to Lawrence. John turned around at the sound of Ezekiel's wings and his face crumpled with joy and grief. Mary closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Hello, John," she said slowly.

"Thank you for coming," John whispered. "I - "

"John, we need to talk about some things," she said firmly, trying to keep her resolve.

He nodded eagerly. "Of course, whatever you say."

"First: Adam Milligan."

"Who?"

Mary went cold. "Your son? The boy who bonded to Michael?"

"The boy who - " John's face turned white. "Milligan, you said?"

She nodded.

"Shit," he muttered, rubbing his beard. "_Shit!_"

"You didn't know about him?" Mary asked in amazement.

"No, no." He looked up at her. "His mother...she reminded me of you. I couldn't - it was selfish, I - "

"You don't have to apologize, John," she said quietly. "You thought I was dead, after all."

John swallowed. "She...she was the only one. I'm so sorry."

Mary closed her eyes. Ezekiel put a hand on her shoulder.

"What was her name?"

"Kate."

Mary nodded slowly. "Okay. Now." She stared at him hard. "Sam and Dean."

"What about them?" he asked. "Are they okay? I haven't heard - "

"And you won't. They don't want to talk to you. At least not right now," she said. Tears filled her eyes. "You raised them as _hunters_, John! How could you do that? You _know_ that's not the life I wanted for them."

John looked like he was in pain. "I know. I'm sorry. I...I'm shit without you, Mary. You know that. After you were gone, I didn't...I didn't know what to do. So I did the only thing I could do: hunt. Hunt for the bastard that killed you." He looked at Ezekiel, who was glaring at him. "Or who I thought killed you."

"_Azazel_ tried to kill me, John. Life with you and the boys wasn't safe for me anymore. It wasn't safe for you," Mary explained. "He fed Sam his blood and then tried to kill me. Ezekiel saved my life. So I went with the angels."

"I understand. I understand, I do," John said.

Mary nodded. "I know you do."

He looked at her hand. "You still wear your wedding ring."

She glanced down at it and it suddenly felt heavy on her finger. "Yes."

"So do I," he said, holding his hand up. "Mary, I - "

"I'm a different person now, John," she said. She cursed her voice for shaking so much. "I'm not the Mary you fell in love with. I'm not even sure I still love you," she admitted.

John's face broke. "Mary - "

"It's been _twenty-three years_, John."

"I know how long it's been," he said, his voice hard. "I've counted every minute."

Guilt flashed through her. "And I'm sorry I was gone for them, but I can't change that. I don't even know if I would," she said hoarsely, tears burning her eyes.

"What do you expect me to do?" he asked. "Just walk away? Keep living like you're dead? Forget that you're alive and out here?" He shook his head. "I can't do that, Mary, and you can't ask me to."

"John - "

"Could we just...start over?" he asked, hopeful. "Maybe try to get to know each other again?"

She bit her lip and looked down.

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "You used to be my best friend, Mary. Could we try to get there again?"

Mary stared at him for a moment and then sighed. "I suppose we can try."

He smiled, more tears rolling down his cheeks. He approached her and held his hand out. "I'm John."

She took his hand and smiled back. "Mary."

**lucifer**_  
father, did you miss me? i've been locked up a while_

Lucifer sat in the darkness of his cage, counting the tallies on the walls that he'd made the last time he was stuck down here. The pit was so much darker, somehow, since his time on the surface. It had been so long since he'd been stuck down here. And now he was back. He wondered how long it would be this time.

Anger roared up inside him, hot and unexpected, and he blasted angelic power out as he screamed at the top of his lungs but the blast just bounced off the walls and hit him. He was almost glad for the pain. At least he could feel something.

Something other than heat, that was. He hated heat. He hated fire. What he wanted was freezing cold and everything covered in ice. Not sweat on his brow, dampening his wings.

Lucifer paused, tilting his head to the side. He wasn't alone. But that was impossible. He was always alone.

"Who's there?" he called into the darkness. "I can feel your presence."

Someone stepped out of the shadows and Lucifer stiffened with recognition. Love swelled up within him, but then rage crushed it down.

"Hello, son," said God.

"So you _are_ alive," Lucifer replied, crossing his arms.

"Yes." God walked along the edge of the cage. "I apologize for being gone."

"You can shove your apology up your ass," Lucifer snapped. "I won't have it."

God raised his eyebrows. "There was a time when you would have smited anyone who spoke to me like that."

"There was a time when I loved you more than anything."

"I remember." God smiled sadly. "I've missed you, my boy."

Lucifer snorted with derision. He faced God and glared at him. "I'm going to get out of here, you know. This isn't over. Those Winchester brats will breed and I will get out and I _will_ fight Michael."

"Oh I don't doubt it," God replied. He sat down on the ground and smiled up at Lucifer. "But until then, we have some catching up to do, don't we?"

Lucifer paused, then sat down in front of God, leaning back on his hands. "I guess we do."

**ben braeden**  
_in this house on a hill_

Ben's head shot up as the doorbell rang. A grin formed on his face and he ran downstairs to go get the door. His friend Adri and her dad stood in the doorway smiling.

"Hi!" Adri exclaimed. "You wanna play video games now?"

"Yeah! I'm gonna kick your butt!" Ben said, and they turned to go run upstairs.

"Ben? Are you going to introduce us to your friend?" Lisa asked as she came into the entry hall with Anna behind her.

"Right," Ben said. "Moms, this is Adri. Adri, these are my moms."

"Nice to meet you," Adri said sweetly, shaking each of their hands.

Anna smiled at Adri's dad. "We're happy to have her stay for dinner if you'd like."

"That would be great," he replied. "Adri, mind your manners and don't kick Ben's butt too hard."

Adri grinned. "No promises!"

"As if!" Ben exclaimed, then ran upstairs. Adri followed quickly and the three parents laughed.

"You've got a great kid," Adri's dad told them.

Anna put an arm around Lisa's waist and Lisa kissed Anna's temple.

"Yeah, we know," Anna said with a smile.

**balthazar  
**_dear boy what are you running from?_

Balthazar landed outside of Harvelle's Roadhouse and stared apprehensively at the sign glowing in the night air. He gut twisted with unease and he swallowed thickly. It was about the hundredth time he'd stood outside of the bar and not gone inside. Terror and fear and guilt always stood in his way.

But not this time.

He swallowed again and slowly approached the bar before he could fly away. He couldn't take being away from her anymore. He'd heard her prayers, felt her pain and sadness, but still he hadn't - he just couldn't - how was he supposed -

He pushed the door open and cringed as the bell above the door tinkled. And then he saw her. She was washing a table, a bucket of soapy water in one hand and the other rubbing a sponge against the hard surface. She hadn't even turned at the sound of the door and Balthazar felt all the air rush out of his lungs - not that he really needed it, but still.

"Sorry, we're clo - " She looked up and their eyes met. The color drained from her face and she dropped the bucket, spilling water all over the floor.

He smiled, but he was pretty sure it came out as more of a grimace. "Hello, love."

"_Hello, love?_" she repeated, and he felt immense amounts of anger coming from her. "_HELLO, LOVE?!_" she screamed, chucking the soapy sponge at his head. He just barely managed to duck. "Nothing for four and a half months and all you give me is _hello, love?!_"

"Jo, I - "

"No, fuck you!" she shouted. "_Fuck_ you! I needed you and you - you weren't there! You _left_ me! I don't even know where you've _been_ for Christ's sake! I don't know why you've been ignoring me! And now you just show up and - no. Fuck you," she growled.

"I'm sorry, I know I messed up," he said, slowly walking towards her. "Just please let me explain."

She started backing away from him. "Why should I?"

"I - "

"Give me one good reason why I should _ever_ trust you again," she snarled. Her back hit the bar and she had nowhere else to go. "Tell me why I - "

"Because I love you."

Her head jerked and her eyes widened. "You...what?" she whispered.

He closed the distance, standing right in front of her, putting his hands on the bar, effectively caging her.

"I love you," he repeated, face twisted with pain.

"You can't just waltz in here and - and say that and...expect everything to be okay!" she exclaimed, her face frazzled. "You can't - "

"I know. I owe you an explanation." He sighed. "I love you. And because of that I was terrified." He hung his head and shook it. "I...do you remember in the battle when that demon almost stabbed you?"

"Yes," she said softly.

"That is by far the worst moment of my life," he admitted. "Never in my entire existence have I ever been so scared. If I hadn't reacted fast enough, you would be dead right now and I would be alone and it would have been my fault."

He lifted his eyes to hers and saw her shaking her head.

"Your mother was right to tell you not to bond with me," he continued. "I've brought only danger into your life. I thought...I thought it would be best for you if I left. I thought that you would be safer without me, happier even."

"Maybe you should've asked me about that," she said quietly.

"I know. I'm sorry."

She lifted her head. "Why did you come back?"

"I couldn't stand being apart from you any longer," he replied.

"Because you love me."

"Because I love you."

A small smile played at her lips. "You _love_ me?"

"Yes." He frowned and straightened up, taking a step back from her. "I thought it was obvious? Dean even noticed."

"It wasn't obvious to me!" she exclaimed, folding her arms.

"I called you 'love' all the time!"

"I thought that was a British thing!"

"I'm not actually British! I'm an angel!"

She pressed her fingers to her lips as a giggle escaped. Balthazar tipped his head back and laughed. It felt so good to be with her again.

"But don't think this makes everything okay," she said, jabbing a finger in his face. "I'm still mad at you."

"What if I promise never to leave again?" he asked.

She thought about it for a moment and then smiled. "That's a start." She looked down and played with the hem of her tank top. "And, uh, I..." She garbled the last part and even his angel hearing couldn't pick it up.

"What was that?" he asked.

"I love you too, okay?" she snapped as she stared up at him, face turning beet red. "I love you too," she mumbled, looking down again.

Joy bubbled up inside him and he couldn't stop his smile even if he'd wanted to. "You do?"

"I thought it was obvious," she mimicked, then laughed and put her hands over her face in embarrassment.

Balthazar took a step forward and removed her hands. He put a hand under her chin and lifted her face up. Her brown eyes met his and she stared up at him with anticipation. Her body hummed with nervous energy.

"May I...?" he asked, leaning in.

She nodded, eyes fluttering shut, and he brushed his mouth softly against hers. She huffed a laugh and shook her head.

"God you're a tease," she breathed, then pushed her body against his and surged up to kiss him with the kind of fire only she could managed.

"I'd appreciate it if my father stayed out of this," Balthazar mumbled against her mouth.

Jo giggled and kissed him again, putting her hands on the back of his neck and tickling the short hairs there. Balthazar groaned and picked her up and set her down on a barstool. She put her legs around his waist and he wrapped his arms around her, turning his head and deepening the kiss. This was so right. This was so perfect. This was -

"Not in my bar!"

Balthazar let go and quickly stumbled away from Jo. He tried to ignore how red her lips were as he tentatively met Ellen Harvelle's narrowed eyes.

"So you're back," she said, clearly displeased.

He nodded. "W-With your permission, ma'am."

She sniffed. "Well if you're going to be here you might as well do some work. Pick up a sponge and clean up," she said. "And none of _that_ - " She waved her hands. " - until after you're done. Actually, none of that period."

Jo restrained a laugh and Balthazar hung his head, embarrassed. Ellen grumbled under her breath as she went back upstairs.

"I should finish cleaning," she said sadly, hopping off the bar stool.

Balthazar snapped his fingers and suddenly every surface in the bar gleamed, and the mess of water on the floor was gone, as were the bucket and sponge.

"Done," he said with a grin.

Jo laughed and tilted her head up as he bent down to kiss her again.

**sam winchester  
**_young love as sweet as can be_

Sam was confused.

He and Jess were sitting on his bed watching a movie like they did every Saturday night, but something was off. Usually they laughed and joked with each other, often throwing snacks at each other, and just last month they'd started holding hands during the movies. Sometimes she would rest her head on his shoulder or put her legs in his lap. A couple times they'd fallen asleep and woken up spooning.

But now there was a foot and a half of space between them and she was watching the movie with folded arms and a grumpy expression. He had no idea what he'd done.

He laughed half-heartedly as Amanda Bynes shoved a tampon up her nose and then glanced nervously over at Jess. She sighed in annoyance and grabbed the remote, pausing the movie and turning to glare at him.

"W-What's wrong?" he asked.

"Are we going to do this or not?" she asked. "Because I feel like I'm wasting my time."

He blinked. "What?"

Jess groaned. "Sam, it's been almost half a year since I came back from Stanford. And I thought...well, I mean I didn't _just_ come back for you but I hoped - " She sighed. "Do you like me or not?"

Sam blushed. "I - well - yeah, I mean, of course I do," he mumbled.

She quickly grabbed his head and kissed him hard enough to make his head spin. Then she pulled away and laughed, making him blush even more.

"Why didn't you say anything?" she asked.

Yeah, why _hadn't_ he said anything?

"I just...I didn't think you - I wasn't sure if you felt the same way," he said.

Jess laughed again and scooted over, snuggling up against his side. "Sam, I've been waiting for you to make a move since you first got here."

He smiled and shook his head at himself. "Guess I'm just dense."

She shifted so she was straddling his lap and lifted his head up. "I'd say so," she said before kissing him again.

They didn't finish the movie that night.

**castiel  
**_since i met you i've been crazy_

"What is it?" Cas asked, lifting his head as Dean came into the bedroom. He could sense turmoil and indecision within Dean.

"I, uh...I was wondering," Dean said.

"And?" Cas asked.

"Are you sure?"

Cas frowned. "Sure about what?"

"Staying on earth," Dean elaborated. "Don't you miss Heaven? Miss your brothers and sisters?"

Cas smiled with understanding and shook his head. "I never spent much time in Heaven due to my job so I don't miss it. And I still see my brothers and sisters every now and then. The ones I care about, at least."

"I just..." Dean sighed and fell backwards onto their bed.

Cas got up from the desk and sat next to Dean, running his hand through Dean's hair. Dean had been acting cagey and restless ever since Cas had made the decision to let his grace fade out.

"I just want to be sure you're making the right choice," Dean said. "That you're not making a mistake."

Cas frowned. "I'm not making a mistake. I _love_ you, Dean."

"I know, and I love you," Dean said catching Cas' hand and holding it to his face. "But...I mean, you're giving up so much."

"I'm not giving up anything," Cas replied. "I'm gaining you, and Sam, and all the hunters here. I'm choosing this family, here on earth. I'm choosing you."

Dean sighed and closed his eyes. "I just wanted to give you a way out. If you wanted one. You don't have to feel bad, I get it."

"Excuse me?" Cas asked, his voice cold and steely.

Dean opened his eyes. "I just - "

"No. No "just."" Cas snapped.

Dean's eyes widened as Cas moved so he was crouched over Dean, looming over him and glaring down, angelic power radiating off of him.

"I am capable of leaving if I want to, Dean, with or without your permission. I haven't because _I don't want to_," he growled. "You started to change my life from the exact _moment_ I met you, Dean Winchester, and for you to imply that I could just turn my back and walk away from you is the most ridiculous and ignorant thing I have ever heard you say."

"I - I didn't - I'm sorry, Cas," Dean stammered.

Cas sighed and deflated, laying down on Dean's chest. "Please don't say things like that. Like I had a choice in falling for you."

Dean kissed the top of Cas' head. "I'm sorry." He smiled. "I didn't have a choice either."

"It was probably written."

Dean laughed. "Fuck that. We wrote this chapter ourselves."

Cas smiled and he knew Dean was right. Nobody anticipated their love. How could they? How could they have imagined a love that rebelled against Heaven and Hell, that defied God and the Devil?

How could they have known that such a love could even exist?

**dean winchester  
**_it's gonna be a real good time_

A year had gone by since the apocalypse had been avoided, so the residents of the bunker were celebrating in the American way: with barbeque, beer, and fireworks. Everyone was coming back for the celebration (Everyone except Chuck of course; to this day nobody knew what happened to him...) and it was good to see all the familiar faces and how much they'd changed. The biggest change was that everyone was so fucking_ happy_.

Anna (who looked more alive as a human than she ever had as an angel) and Lisa had their arms around each other as they watched Ben and his friends from Michigan run around the bunker's grounds, which Sam had painstakingly restored. Speaking of Sam, he and Jess kept being approached and asked to show off the pretty ring that Sam had put on her finger just last week. Charlie, sporting a pin with the unicursal hexagram that was the Order of Letters' symbol, was talking to Bobby, trying to get him to officially join the Order.

Ezekiel was helping Mary with the barbequing. The three kids and their angels were even there, having just returned from a huge vampire bust in eastern Europe. Cas was over talking to Sophia and Rachel, and smiled when Dean caught his eye. After a while Michael, Raphael, and Gabriel showed up and Dean had to hold back his laughter when Michael gagged on his first taste of beer. Gabriel and Raphael, however, did nothing to restrain their obnoxious giggles. Jo and Balthazar were cuddling on a bench and Ellen was watching them closely from where she was catching up with Jody and John.

Yeah, his dad was there. Apparently for a while now John and Mary had been getting to know each other again. She hadn't told them until a couple months ago because she wanted to protect them or something, but Dean didn't care. His mom could do what she wanted. It was nice to see them getting along, though, and to see John reunited with his old friends. Sam had already made up with him and John had congratulated him on the engagement. Dean hadn't talked to him yet, he didn't want to, but John was smiling and it had been so long since Dean had seen him smile. He was reminded of the days before the fire, when he was just a little boy with two parents, waiting for mommy to give him his little brother.

"Food's up!" Mary declared and everybody formed a line.

Dean still hunted, of course. You don't just let something go that you've done all your life. It wasn't nearly as constant, though. He and Cas would go out on a few cases every month, driving in the Impala to wherever Bobby or Charlie sent them. Sometimes Sammy would come along when he wasn't doing Letters stuff and it was almost like the old days, except good. And every now and then Jess and Rachel would come too.

In the meantime he would help his mom cook meals, tinker around with the old cars in the garage, and help Charlie update the tech in the bunker. They had movie nights on Fridays and entertained visitors now and then. Sometimes Bobby would send them new recruits and they'd either join the Order or Dean would train them to be hunters.

And it suddenly occurred to Dean that he'd had a pretty damn good year, and that these good years were probably going to just keep coming. And the idea just took his breath away.

All in all, it was a pretty good life. One that Dean was beyond thankful to be alive for.

"I think it's time," Cas murmured in his ear, taking his hand and leading him over to where everyone was gathering.

The last of the sun's rays blinked out of the sky and Michael asked, "Everyone ready?"

The Angel of Chaos raised his hands to the sky and then fireworks were exploding over their heads. Dean looked out over their dusk-covered faces, lit up every few seconds by Michael's fireworks. He had Cas - _human_ Cas - on one side and Sammy on the other. He even had his parents. And he had Jess and Ellen and Jo and Bobby and Charlie and the rest of this huge extended family that he'd found. He was surrounded by the people he loved and who loved him.

For the longest time Dean thought he'd die young with a gun in his hand. He thought his end would come when the hunter became the hunted, when an angel killed the Angel Killer, and that he'd die doing his duty. The possibility of dying on the job was still on the table, of course, but now he could envision a future for himself.

In this future he could see himself living with Cas next door to Sam and Jess and their kids. He could see retiring from the hunter life and doing something simple for the rest of his years, maybe becoming the new Bobby. He imagined himself growing old with Cas and sitting together on an old creaky porch swing. He could see himself passing away as easy as falling asleep, with Cas' hand in his.

And then he would be in Heaven with the people he loved, just like in this moment right now.

All his life people had forced on Dean the image of what they wanted him to be. John forced Dean to be a hunter, Alastair wanted him to be a torturer, the angels tried to force Dean to bond with Michael. He'd been all these other people - the Angel Killer, the Righteous Man, the Michael Sword - but never truly himself. Never just Dean.

But now he had a chance.

He thought back to how Chuck had called this a story and he thought it was time to turn the page on the dark times, to say goodbye to the Angel Killer.

And hello to happy.

_THE END_

_?_

* * *

Man this has been a journey. Not gonna lie, I cried when I finished this. I hope you liked this epilogue-like thing, which is by far the longest chapter in the story haha! I considered splitting it up, even considered making the epilogue a separate story and everyone's part a different chapter, but I decided to just post it all in one fell swoop

Thank you so much to all of you who've reviewed! Your sweet words really mean a lot to me and make me want to write a thousand more stories =)

I'm really proud of this story and I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

I have a tumblr (kiconwrites) if you want to follow me there for more updates on my writing, or you could follow me here too! Again, thank you so much!

~Ki

A couple final notes:  
- Theliel is the Angel of Love according to the angel website  
- Aalbiel is Michael's assistant according to the angel website  
- Raphael is Angel of Compassion according to the angel website


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